028: "Everything that you’re putting out there should be you because if it’s not, then you’re doing a disservice." Authentic storytelling with Nikki Zellner

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories. So military spouses can continue to make confident and informed decisions for their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen amis, a Goldstar, daughter of veterans, spouse, and your host for today's show. Let's get started.

into our first interview for: 2020

All right. Hi, everyone. John amo is here with holding down the fort podcast show. And as always, every time I get to do another show, it means that I get to interview another incredible person in our military community. So I'd like to introduce you all to Nikki Zellner. Nikki owns a unique content consultancy called where content connects, where she works with women leaders to create impactful content for their brand or business. In reality, she helps badass lady bosses share their authentic stories to form stronger relationships with their audience. Her core values are connection, creativity, honesty, authenticity, learning and openness. And these drive everything she does every decision she makes. And it's what she has built her business around. Other fun facts about Nikki she's part of the Millsboro project leadership team providing live events to military spouse entrepreneurs. She's also an artist and a writer. And of course, we can't forget, she's a navy wife and mother of two boys under five years old. Nikki, welcome to the show.

Unknown Speaker 7:14

Thanks for having me, Jen.

Jen Amos 7:16

Yes, it's my absolute pleasure. I was just saying offline how I realized I didn't respond to your email months ago. And I just think it's a great opportunity to really wrap up the year and to really actually kick off the new year with you sharing your story and speaking to our audience here of military spouses. So thanks for joining us today. Again,

Unknown Speaker 7:36

thanks for having me. I'm super excited to be on.

Jen Amos 7:39

Yeah. So why don't we start with you sharing? How did you hear about the podcast show holding down to four, and more importantly, what inspired you to join us on our show today?

Speaker 1 7:49

So I pretty sure the first time that I heard about your podcast was I believe, before it was even released. One of your previous guests, Jamie Chapman happened to be one of my content coaching clients. And I had been working with Jamie about her LinkedIn presence and how to be more Jamie on the platform, and how to bring her own Sass and her own unique perspective to interviews that she would do podcast interviews, television interviews, as well as her organic content that she was putting out into the world. So the first time I heard about Jamie was actually when she was preparing to be on your show. And then Jamie kind of referred me to you and said, Hey, I think Nikki would be a good guest at some point. I wrote you a sweet little note. And then we met in person at the military influencer conference when I attended Scott's LinkedIn class, which I loved because I always like listening to guys teach, I always find it fascinating. The difference between how men and women deliver content and how they each bring their own personalities. And Scott showed up in flip flops and jeans and a plaid shirt. And I was like, God, right? Like he's exactly like he was on LinkedIn. He wasn't a different person. And then to actually finally get to meet you. I did not know that you were Scott's wife when Jamie introduced us. I knew that like all of a sudden the connection was used. And I was just like, oh my gosh, like it's the dynamic duo like the two of them together. That's adorable. Thank you, Nikki. It's great to see kind of husband and wife teams in action. But it's really great to see an authentic couple, right, even though some things that you guys do or polished and obviously planned and strategized about. You guys are very unique and authentic when you come to the table and when you have conversation. So I really appreciated that.

Jen Amos 9:42

Oh, thanks, Nikki. I appreciate everything that you just said. And it was an absolute pleasure finally to meet you in person at military influencer conference as well as Jamie as well. I was actually shocked that she was there because I know she lives in Germany. And when I met her in person, I was like, Oh, I was like you're here you know It's like yeah, like to me like she said, yeah, as if like duh of course like we are, you know, and I know she also accepted an award over that military influencer conferences. Yeah. So

: 10:09

number one, you know, sound business. So it's, you know, it was crowd participation and crowdsource voting and she's a beast man. So all the props that Jaime I was, I'm super flattered to kind of be on her team in that capacity. So super excited for her. And what this year holds for her. Yeah, she's incredible for sure. And I love following her story and following her on on LinkedIn, I really enjoy

Jen Amos: 10:36

her progress like in growing her business and everything. Yeah, and thank you for just what you said about Scott. And I think the reason why we are authentic is because Scott like so for me I'm I can be very methodical like I like to plan things in advance. And I like to have like a game plan when I go into things like military influenza conference, but Scott's kind of like that. So what are we doing right now?

: 10:58

You know? What makes you a good team? I'm married to an engineer. And, okay, introverted engineer, you know, and I don't want to say antisocial, but just not social butterfly, you know, I could talk to a wall and be okay, but him it's like, you know, what are we going to talk about, you know, all of those kinds of things. So, I understand having a balance of a relationship. And I think you guys balance each other very well.

Jen Amos: 11:27

Oh, man, I'd like to believe so. I'd like to believe so but ya know, it's funny, because it's getting a lot colder here in Virginia, and we'll go to the beach, and he's still wearing flip flops. And I'm already wearing my snow boots because it's that cold. If there's anyone that's authentic in this relationship, I feel like it's him because he just lives in the present all the time. And I feel like I always have to prepare for things right. And so, anyway, that's us, and but he does bring a lot of adventure into my life. So shout out to Scott, my husband for adding adventure in my life. Because yeah, I mean, I wouldn't know what it'd be like to date someone or to be with someone exactly like me, I think it'd be quite boring.

: 12:09

I would find it excruciating. If I dated myself, I felt like I give the appropriate amount of self care. But if I had to date myself, I wouldn't be in pain. Yeah, yeah.

Jen Amos: 12:21

Yeah. So opposites really do attract. That's the lesson of this conversation. Well, Nikki, awesome, thank you so much for sharing all of that for people that are learning about you for the first time. Why don't you share a snapshot of your life today, particularly what keeps you excited and busy about life nowadays.

: 12:39

So I want to preface by saying the military spouse life for me came after a full career, assault and parenthood, I had 1617 years of career non military life, I was not married to my husband, Peter, at the time, I had my first child at 36. I am now 40. So you can do some math there. But I want to say that my life today I had done the climbing the ladder thing already. I had done the in pursuit of the title thing already. And my husband has never done that. He's only ever been in the military. He is transitioning out next year. And so he's just now we've totally flipped flopped our lives, right? He's a younger parent who's going to be entering the job market at a very different time than how I experienced the job market. So for me, I feel like there comes a point, I don't want to just say in women's life, but there comes a point in everybody's life, where you stop striving to be something for somebody else. And you really start to come back to this sense of purpose and the sense of fire that's within yourself, and you start to care about the BS less, you start to say, I don't need to be at every networking event that doesn't do anything for me. Right. So I actually had a few things that really changed my perspective on what I considered to be the direction of my life. And so the first turning point was, obviously entering that military spouse world and are in the military life. I had never had anybody in my family in at least in the immediate family who had served. My grand father had served my grandmother, I think, was in the NURSE Corps. But like, for all intents and purposes, I was not familiar with military life in the slightest. And so when I entered military life, even though we've never PCs, we've always been in Norfolk, Virginia Beach area he has prior to me, but since we've been together, we've never left this market. And so it was very interesting to kind of see the different sects and niche groups within the military community. All of a sudden there was differences in military affiliation. There was differences in spouse groups, and it was really about like, what are you into. And so I found myself very thankful that I already had ownership of who I was, and could really gravitate towards the things that excited me most. overlay on top of that I had two children back to back, I call them my deployment rainbow babies, I was not successful having children prior to that. But I have two beautiful boys, one is four and a half and one turns three, and a couple of weeks he was a Christmas baby. So yes, I like to say we're in the phase of life now where everything is treated as a potty, because they're potty training and the whole place that they just run wild, basically. So we're in that lovely phase of motherhood, and parenthood where they can talk, they can feed themselves, but they still need attention, day in and day out. And guidance, rules, structure, all of those kinds of things. So that's the second turning point was becoming a mother and kind of realizing it's not about me, all the time. And the third thing was getting diagnosed with a chronic illness. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, the same year, my mother passed away, I had been having pain since my C section with my youngest son. And it was really starting to affect work, it was starting to affect the quality of my work and the ability for me to work in traditional fashion in which I had had a career. And so I had to step away from cube life, as I call it, hashtag cube life. And I really, I had to really embrace remote work, I really had to embrace project based kind of work. And as I started to do that, I really started to push the boundaries and explore more deeply. If I can only do something for so many hours of day, wouldn't I rather that be something that I loved than something I hate. So I kind of where we are now is again, pushing those boundaries, and really being open and vulnerable about how I got here and open and vulnerable with audiences, you know, clients, family members who don't understand what a military life be being 40 with two kids running around your ankles, and three, trying to run your own business and be a content creator and a writer and an artist, you know, just really like letting that come out of you so that you can live your best life. So that's where we are today.

Jen Amos: 17:33

Wow, well, thank you so much for sharing that there are some key things that you said that really stood out to me, the first thing is that you're just so over climbing the ladder, you're over, you know, you're overtaking BS, or like putting up with Bs, like, you're just over all of that. And I think that most of us spend our lives trying to impress people that don't even care about us, right. And it's just awesome that you've come to this place, you know, with becoming a mother and with your illness. And, and, and just your circumstances where you're like, you know what, like, if I'm going to do anything, I need to enjoy it, I need to enjoy it, I need to love it. And so it's just, I feel like I was gonna say this earlier. But one thing I like about your online presence, how you put yourself out there is it's like clear to the point. But you also give off the sense of compassion that I'm sure you give to your clients. And I just feel all of that from you. And it makes a lot of sense, given your life and where you're at today.

: 18:30

I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Yeah, no,

Jen Amos: 18:33

very beautiful stuff. So Well, thank you for sharing that. Let's go ahead and talk about our educational topic today. Because the purpose of holding down the floor is to provide education and resources to military spouses and families that they otherwise wouldn't get. Or maybe they just kind of, like ignore it or just kind of don't look at it, because it's not recommended to them, I tend to find that we tend to take people that we know like and trust, we tend to take their recommendation over like, you know, someone we don't know, right. And so that's really what the show is about is bringing people such as yourself, that's human, it's real, and you're in the community and you're active in the community and providing value to the community. And so today, we wanted to talk about how to find and share your voice to create meaningful opportunities and greater impact. I'd love for you to elaborate on that more Nicky and, and what that means to you and how you're doing that today. Sure.

: 19:25

I think that one of the things that really interested me about the whole idea of finding your voice, I worked in marketing for a lot of years. I had my first marketing job in 1998. I was in advertising in a small town newspaper. And that started as a newspaper career and you know, culminated kind of the Baltimore Sun market and major newspaper market in the United States. And it also took me through kind of designing 15 lifestyle magazines throughout the southeast United States. So I designed and launch those and really got to hear different stories of how businesses started, how people in the community play a much stronger role. And what I found kind of in that magazine development world was the stories that we thought people would want to read about. It was the stories where people were most vulnerable were the ones that continually got the buzz. It was the ones where people shared not what their business does, and what it's all about. They shared, how that business got there, and why it's the lifeblood of what they do, and why they can't sleep at night, you know, when they think about their business and who they want to serve. And so when I started thinking about how I could move from the parts of marketing and advertising that I didn't like, which was the staged, more set up feeling of this is our brand. This is the direction it's going this is our ABCDE strategy was that it took the humans out of it. So I really gravitate towards brands that, you know, I'm an ex Anil, I came from traditional news and marketing. But I've really embraced brands that have shown that they can be adaptable to social email, podcasts, those kinds of things, where they're taking the different formats and sharing more of themselves and being less scripted. And being less, here's 10 different people that touched this before you saw it. So I really can appreciate when somebody is open to saying I don't want 10 people to touch my brand, before the customer knows me. That's really important to me. So my business and the stories that I help people share is built around, really the six C's of content of sharing your voice sharing your story. So so many people say I want a marketing strategy. Well, you have to start with the message first. Before you can start with the message, it's who is giving that message who is delivering that message. So if it's an overall brand, where you have no desire to put a human on that brand, I don't want to help you, you are not for me, you can go find an agency that can rock and roll that for you. I am just so in love with the female entrepreneur who says, I want to have the relationship with my people. I want the people to know me. And I want the people to know how I got here and my stories and what I struggle with. And I want them to buy from me or refer people to me because of who I am not because of how I sold them. So I think that that's really important to me. So in finding your voice, I call it the six C's, I really focus on telling people to think about their characters, and characters would be the role that they play in their stories, and the character of themselves, what are their values? What do they believe in? How do they exhibit their behaviors on a consistent basis, as well as the character kind of of their customers? Who are their customers talking about them in their stories, who they help. So not from the sense of I help 20 Somethings, you know, get financially fit more. So I want to work with the person who is really going to make a huge impact in the world. They want to do this through digital means. And they need a financial advisor that can help them do X, who is going to be with them for the long term. Right? So that's a much more specific conversation and just I help this avatar, right. Right. So characters are very important. And I think the values of those characters have to be brought to the surface. So before anybody goes and invest in marketing dollars, I always tell people like who are your characters? And what is your own character? Because for somebody who says they love, peace, love and understanding, and somebody looks at your Facebook page, and you're complaining five posts f6 That's not you know, like, yeah, a good many of your clients are gonna come from your personal network, and they can see the real you. They can see the transformation that you've had throughout your life. You know, they can see how you went from peppy cheerleader in high school. That was mean to people, possibly I was a cheerleader, I'm not going to knock them who was people to all of a sudden saying, you know, you want to be people's life coach. Well, bullying isn't really a great trait to have. So right. I want people to know that the character matters the character of their clients and the character of themselves and, and how do those characters relate to the story? So character is number one and number two is connection. A lot of people put stuff out there and I call it set it and forget it right? They put something out into the world. They put their story out into the world, and they just expect people to respond to it. They have no intention of engaging in other people's stories, they have no intention of engaging in places and sharing it in places where it would make more of an impact for folks. So connection is really important. I am not one of those people that has 500 Friends, I can count on two hands, my close friends, and those close friends get 95% of my energy. And everybody outside of those two hands get the other 5%. Yeah. So you know, connection is really, really important. Some people are really great at spreading that love they have all of the time in the world, they make a really concerted effort to make sure people feel welcome and connected. But some people have to be really strategic about where they place their energy, and how they spend that energy. And I think with the advent of social, and platforms like LinkedIn, which happens to be my favorite platform, what's the value? They're outside of? Booking a consultation call, right? Right now you are they providing as well as what value are they receiving? And so I always tell people share your story where you get the most value. And if you know, looking through Facebook, all you're seeing in your feeds is people who want to sell you the latest greatest food program to make you drop 20 pounds. Like you're not getting value there. Right? They take advantage of those hide from feeds, it's the best thing you can possibly do.

Jen Amos: 26:32

Yeah, you know, I was just thinking, and I feel like this is an old saying that just continues to be true, no matter what. But it's a saying that goes facts tell, but stories sell. And I mean, you think of why Disney is so monstrous and successful is because it's all about storytelling. And if we can learn from the best storytellers, we can see that, especially if you're a small business, or you're a solopreneur, it's all about telling your story. And I think and you can let me know that the internet is so noisy, it's almost like you're in this crowded room, and you're with a lot of people, but you feel alone anyway. But then when you when you connect with that one person that says like, Hey, I'm alone, too. I'm lonely here and this crowd of people, you can build that connection. And I think that's what you're saying is like, you know, if people can just be upfront about their story and be their most authentic selves, there's going to be at least one person that's going to feel like less alone or more connected with you, and will actually follow you and listen to you.

: 27:32

Right. And a lot of people follow you without you knowing that they do. So I was really vulnerable recently on Facebook, or my personal Facebook page I was talking about, I wanted to give some real insight as to why I was starting my podcast in 2020. And I wanted to talk to people about why I was doing it and how alone I felt as somebody living with chronic illness, trying to do the work that I do and what that actually looked like on a day to day basis. And I had a girl from high school message me who she used the following words. She's also a military spouse, she has multiple children. And I believe that she has stayed at home to take care of these children. And what she said to me was, I've always watched the things that you've done and been so jealous of what you've been able to do with your life. And I did not know that this person followed the things that I did, I did not realize that that was the emotion that she could get from looking at things in my feed, I see my life as something that I struggle to really make sure I'm doing something on purpose that the things that I commit to are intentionally committed to and not for a different motive. And it kind of broke my heart a little bit that she was jealous of that, you know, it made me think that maybe I hadn't been as vulnerable as I thought I had been about the struggles of what it was like to do those things that we you know, you hear this on social all the time, like you only see the good things on social and so even as open and honest and vulnerable as I think I am it took getting on video and basically crying on a Facebook Live, like, My body hurts today. And let me tell you why the book I told you about isn't coming out until 2020. Now, you know, like, I got really, really honest about like all of these things that I had been kind of highlighting, I had a major surgery and that surgery really just took me out. So a lot of the things that I had planned and scheduled and got got people excited about just didn't happen. And there was like this moment of truth that kind of came out and I got more. I don't even know like I just needed to tell somebody I needed them to understand because they were my audience that I trust, right. I live six days away from people who I've known for, you know for decades. At this point, my closest friends don't live anywhere near me. The community I have here is the community I have built. And that has welcomed me from the military space, and from my own neighborhood with my kids, but you never know who needs to hear your story and who needs to hear the fact that you struggle, and who wants to celebrate with you when you get a win, because that's a win for them. Yeah. And so I think it's really important, like, as you're building connection and talking about character, that everything that you're putting out, there should be you. Because if it's not, then you're doing a disservice.

Jen Amos: 30:33

I love everything, everything that you said, on another podcast show that I run, we talk a lot about just being your most authentic self, and just just coming on the show and just sharing your story. And I mentioned on there that the reason why it's so important to be transparent, like even if you're going through a hard time is if you don't share that if you just share like the highlight reel of your life, you're actually doing people a disservice, you're robbing them of the opportunity to learn with you, you know, because otherwise, people are thinking like, oh, my gosh, I have to keep my life like, you know, just I have to keep the hard stuff like a secret. You know, I have to keep all these skeletons in a closet. But when we pull them out, and people are like, Oh, you have that skeleton too. There's something about it, where I haven't pinpointed it yet. But I agree with you that being authentic and vulnerable. There's something about it that makes people I don't know, just feel more connected, feel less alone or feel like they can trust you. And I actually feel like to at least with social media, maybe this is just my feed because I've cleaned up my feet a lot in the recent years. But there's a lot of mental health accounts out there now that really educate you on like, you know, just remember when people post stuff out there, that's just a highlight reel of their life, but it's not like you're seeing them 24 hours a day. You know, like that's just one snapshot like of their day. But also even like when people do share, like the vulnerable, like real stories like I find for myself, I've learned in podcasting. For me, the reason why I started podcasting is because earlier this year, I was diagnosed with mild depression. I didn't realize I had it. I had it for a very long time. I just I just found out for the first time. And then also I was struggling with loneliness because like just like you I'm far away from my family and friends. All my friends are in the West Coast, and I'm here in the same

Unknown Speaker: 32:23

city Nanogen even though we never seen

: 32:27

find out it's so funny. It's so funny. Yeah, no, it's crazy. No, we definitely need to get coffee sometime when our schedules aren't like crazy, or we can we want to get out of the house. Right. Right. But But yeah, you know, it's just I started podcasting. Because also another thing I wanted to add is like, like we're always paranoid to drive our car because it's so old, like we bought it off of someone and long and behold it like broke down twice. There's just the last time we started driving it. So for me, I'm just thinking, Okay, I have to do everything from home. And it's like, since we've moved here, it's been difficult for me to go out and have a social life because they're kind of like excuses, but not excuses. Like usually Scott's The one Scott's the dog and pony show, right? So he's the one that is going out there to the events and traveling. And I'm usually the one that's staying at home. I don't have kids, but I have a dog with separation anxiety. And it's only now that we finally are signing him up for daycare locally, he used to always go to daycare, but because we just moved here in Virginia Beach, like we had to go through this whole like vaccination thing all over again. And that takes a while. So we're finally doing that. And I'm telling Scott next year, I am getting out of the house. I'm here to like, build a social life. I'm gonna go to all the networking events. I mean, that that's like

: 33:37

practical 2020 The year of gin in person.

Jen Amos: 33:41

Exactly. Yeah. No, it's funny up here. Apparently, when Scott goes out networking, people are always asking, Where's Jed? Like, did you leave Jen at home again, like, it's like this ongoing joke now. And it's like, it's not like I'm captive here. It's just that I run operations in our business too. So it's not like I can just go out there and like, bring my laptop and work, right. Like, while I'm at a networking event be really rude, and a waste of time anyway. But anyway, next year, all about it. Like I'm all about getting out there and socialize and stuff. But until then, podcasting was my way to have a social life, to connect with people and to have these real, authentic conversations and theme of what you're saying, I think that's what it's all about is, you know, we have to find our own way of building a building connection and community and especially if you are marketing something, I think that's the way to do it is by being authentic and telling your story, because it's more unique, and it's so needed. It's so much more needed than you know.

: 34:34

Absolutely, absolutely it is and you might not think that a certain aspect of your life is worth sharing. So one of the big things that I tend to run into with my clients is they don't know how to share some of their most vulnerable times how it developing into their biggest strengths. So one of my clients had been a victim of domestic abuse and a former marriage one of my clients has been a really an overachiever, and getting involved in multiple projects and really coming into her own and finding like this one thing. And one of them was really interested in how can I develop more things that bring people to me versus me having to have like 500 on the book appointments to go see all of these people. So all three of those stories are different. But it all comes down to like their personalities and why they are the way that they are. If the ladders you know, close ratio, if 80% of her business comes from when she meets with people in person, her funnel system needs to look like that. Her stories need to be built around in person conversations. Her stories need to be built around planning events that bring people to her. They do not need to be book your consultation call for this product widget now, you know, so the stories that people can tell should support their business goals. It should give them a little inside look at what's going on in their life. And for these people. When I came into the military spouse community, I happen to find a group called Millsboro project I had gotten referred there by somebody who was a former agency client of mine, Lindsey Germano happened to tell me about Millsboro project because she was I believe, at the time on their board of directors. And she said, you know, you're a new military spouse, you've been in business, like I think that this is something that you should look at. And so I went and met for coffee with a group of six or seven military, spouse, women in business. And the conversation was so impactful, and different than any conversation I had had at that point about military spouse life, because it wasn't about their spouses. It was about what were their dreams, what were their goals? And how are they going to hold each other accountable as a group. And so that's really when I got involved in Millsboro. Project first as a member, this project has changed quite a bit over the last several years, it's really moved towards more of an event organization now where we put on live events. But I wanted to kind of recreate that experience. While the chapter system doesn't exist anymore. I put on something called Millsboro live and most people gather. And we bring in military spouses in business to talk about the realities of being a military spouse in business. Yeah, whether they're the frontline leader of a brand, whether they run their own business, whether they want to do multiple businesses. But what I want to tell people is, you know, find your communities, they're not going to come to you very rarely do they come to you, you have to really clearly say what do I need? What do I want to spend time doing and go out and find that and test drive those votes girl? There you got every boat is the fit. And don't assume all boats are the same. So for me, I knew very early on that NASPO project was the group I wanted to embed in, it was not corporately sponsored, it was not government funded, it was a group of women who wanted to make a difference sitting around a table and talking about their big dreams. Like that's what it was about. There wasn't anything else about it. And that's what I liked about it. Again, the no BS thing, but it was, yeah. So that's what I really enjoyed. And that was my dip into military spouse life. And from that group, from watching all of these people who had struggled with businesses struggled with marketing had success in businesses, I realized I could start a business too, I always thought I would be the person who helped a brand succeed, who was again, like an operations person are the strategist behind the scenes. I never thought that that would be my own company. I never thought that that would be me doing those things. So now I get the best of both worlds. I took something called the Harrison assessment, which tells you a little bit about your work DNA, and what would be good fits for you. And my Harrison assessment said, I enjoy short term projects. Okay, enjoy. collaborating on a team with equal play, meaning the parties are equal that are in the collaboration, there's no leader, there's no follower, there is equal distribution there. And it also said that I love to teach and train. So that in combination, I said, I can create a business out of this. And so that's what I do to kind of support my writing and artistry habit. I have I have a business that you know, kind of came to fruition because of the women I sat around the table with, then realize that I was giving advice to these people about marketing and content. And wow, I could create a business out of this because people started to ask me, Can I pay you to give me what you're giving me for free once a month? Can I just start paying for that? And that's when I realized like, oh, I have a business niche here. It's not a social media marketer. It's kind of all of those things and it's really about getting straight on what your stories are. What makes you you what makes you stand out before Where you start putting money in eggs and all these other baskets? Who are you? And that's where people really struggle. Who am I? What am I now that I have this life? What is my identity? And that's what I help people kind of hone in on in, at home or home?

Jen Amos: 40:18

I think it's an N Hoan. I know, I know, Cohn.

: 40:22

The writer in me is like, can I grammar check that, but that's what we help people hone in on. And so whether it's for a business, or whether it's in my personal life, like, that's how I like to spend my time, my idea of a good time is hanging out in a very small group of women, and talking about what badass stuff we're going to accomplish, and strategize about it. Like, that's my idea of a great time. My second idea of a great time is hiking in the woods alone, you know,

Jen Amos: 40:51

I'm afraid to hike alone, so good for you.

: 40:55

So I mean, I think like, before you can share a story, you have to know the perspective of the author. And you have to know what their voice is going to be. And so I encourage people, audience members, listening, those military spouses listening, nobody knows what your life is like. And if you feel lonely, if you feel separated, if you want to create more opportunities for yourself, start talking about the things that are important to you start talking about the communities you want to be a part of and discover, and people will refer you those directions. But if you're not talking about it, people don't know that you need that in your life. So I think a lot of people frame it in terms of like a complaint. Whereas if they frame it as this is what I'm going through, this is my request, does anybody have any recommendations, I feel like their world opens up a little bit. And so a lot of the stories that we share, I think people are wasting some breath on things that don't get them to the next part of their life. They don't get them to that next impact opportunity. They don't get them to that next stage of their business. And I want people to understand that time is limited, it got a very, you know, you understand this as a Goldstar. Daughter, I understand this as somebody who lost a parent last year much later in life. Time is limited, you don't know when your time is up. And if you care about creating a legacy, what you post on social matters, how you spend your breath matters, how you spend your time matters. And if you can share the stories that support where you want to go, versus sharing the stories that don't provide any value to your life, you will get a lot farther. Yeah, yeah. And you will have a more purposeful life for sure. Absolutely.

Jen Amos: 42:42

Nikki, I feel like you just gave an amazing motivational talk. So thank you for that. I love it. Love it. I do have a question. This whole conversation has been about telling your vulnerable story about yourself, like opening up. For people who don't know, the first steps to do that, like, what would you tell them to start opening up? Like, what would that look like?

: 43:04

So I did a lot of work with someone named Marybeth Hyland, who runs a business called spark vision out of Baltimore, Maryland. I invested in a coach, not everybody has to do this. But you could certainly find some of her content online for free. But I did a lot of values work. So values is where I started. She says that values is like your internal compass. And if you can align with your value system, every day is kind of more filled with purpose. I absolutely believe this, I started to do this work in combination with military spouses work named Ashley Matejka, she does a program called relevance, which is kind of the eight dimensions of wellness. So I think, to start sharing your story, you have to get really clear on what matters to you. You have to cut through the BS what doesn't matter to me, who do I not want to talk to? Who do I not want to be in this audience, right? Because every story will attract and repel. If you start posting tons of things about your children on your feed, you're going to eliminate the people who don't want to hear anything about your children, or who are having trouble conceiving or who just don't want any part that that doesn't resonate with them, right. So you happen to know like, we can build it off of values. And you can say these are the things that are really important to me. And you can say I'll use the example of like, for me, it's openness is a huge one and learning is a huge one. I don't like to waste time. My husband, we always use this example. My husband enjoys Dungeons and Dragons.

Jen Amos: 44:36

Yeah, and God, there's a middle earth

: 44:39

in this office that I'm in at the moment. My idea of the good time is he's gonna read a book that is fantasy. He is going to play a game that has strategy and fantasy that has no outcome on his life. How I will spend that exact same two hours is with a workbook is with a journal Why is meditation in the woods. So it starts with the values that are important to you, as well as the shared values of those people around you. So if you can start to share your story from the perspective of understanding what matters to you, if domestic violence mattered to you, you could really start to share stories around the organizations in your area that support support help with that, versus this is my charity, give back program to dogs on deployment, if you don't have anything to do with dogs, or a military family, right. So start to think about the things that are impacting your life currently, that have impacted your life in the past, and how those shaped the values that you now carry throughout your life. And I really have to credit Marybeth with Spark vision for kind of bringing that to light for me, because I didn't know how to articulate that. I did not know how to say these were the things that were most important to me not just saying family, financial security, you know, like, how do you activate the behaviors that make those values come to life? How do you consistently show that and through storytelling, you can start to see how those things aligned in your life and got you to the next step. So I'd say start there, start with who you are, start with your values, who's influenced you, who's influenced you for the better as well, as, you know, I had some things that my mom passed away last year, I always say I always credit my mom for my drive, because my mom didn't have drive. My mom was consent to sit on the back porch with her cigarette, and her romance novel pet and her dog. And literally, that's how I saw her spend the last 20 years of her life. And to me like that would have been torture, like I could not have been okay living that life. But it shows you that everybody's value system is different. That's what she valued. She valued quality, time alone time, you know, comfort of what she saw out as comfort. Right? And so I would tell people like when sharing your story, start with the values start with those things that matter to you. And that can help shape where you want to go. It cuts so much drama from your life. You'd be so surprised. Yeah, I do not value crowds like military. I went to two conferences the this year and I swear I almost died at the end of both of them. I went to the military influencer conference. Amazing conference, I couldn't do anything after 4pm I literally had to go home put meditation on and just lay there because I was so exhausted from the people. And the second conference I went to was rise business with Rachel Hollis. And it was three days eight to 5pm in stadium seating. And I was literally like, just as valuable as the information was and I've my wheels are still spinning Posterize conference. I didn't need a sedative at the end of that I could not move or talk to anybody at the time every single day. So what I realized is I really value a virtual experience I can manage my energy because people are so concerned about being on in person. I really have to have scheduled time to be on I cannot I can't you said that Scott does the dog and pony I cannot dog and pony. There will be a calendar date and a calendar time. And before that date and time I will have slept naps, take an ibuprofen had a sitz bath meditate, like yeah, all of these things that happened ahead of that event. So I just say like know what's really important to you and be okay owning that this is what's important to you and it's okay if it's not important to somebody else, you will attract the people that you want to attract when you can be more vulnerable and authentic about who you are and what matters to you and what value you can provide the world.

Jen Amos: 49:01

Nicki, you are speaking my language. I went to three conferences and military influencer conference being one of them. And I feel like if there's anything I realized, because I haven't gotten to conferences, like probably last year, like I just some people. I know. I know. Like, I'm like a true introvert by nature, just like you I like to have scheduled stuff. That's why I like podcasting. Because I could schedule my social hour, you know what I mean? But no, I totally agree with you. I was just thinking the other day, I was like, you know, most of these conferences offer virtual tickets now. And I think I just need to do those. Like, I feel like I'll get more value. I mean, unless I know that I really want to see someone in person. Like I want to meet people for the first time. Like that would make a lot of sense. But if I'm really just there for the content and the learning, I think a virtual ticket would probably be better for me moving forward. But yeah, after those I was telling Scott I was like after those three conferences, and I was telling all my friends too. I was like if you don't hear from me for the rest of the year I'm done, like I'm done.

: 50:03

I'm done putting on a show, I'm not that I mean to put on a show, but like you said, it's like you have to be on. And you have to be alert. And I mean, you're gonna be at a conference, you have to connect with people, I can't hide from that, you know, like writers. And while you're there,

: 50:15

I wrote a intro conversation to MICC was, they had a network, you know, like, intro for newcomers kind of thing, and the guy got up on stage and said, if you're not there, you're gonna miss opportunities, right? If you don't go to this event, you're gonna miss opportunity, we don't go to this group, you're gonna miss opportunities. And I think while I believe that is an accurate statement, there's no guarantee than an opportunity will be there for you. And you might make a deeper connection, if you bow out of one of those things you're telling everybody they need to be at? And really bring your A game to the next one versus bringing 10% to everything the rest of the day?

Jen Amos: 50:53

Yeah, definitely, I think. Yeah, and I think that's what it is about live conferences is they really push a lot of FOMO, you know, like to show up to everything, like, You got to be here, you got to be there, you're gonna miss out, like, there's gonna be that one message that you're gonna miss out on that could change the course of your life, the course of business, you know, and I'm just like, you know, I don't really operate in fear in that kind of way, or like sense of urgency. Like, I know that things eventually go on sale, like, you know, Black Friday, having at the time this recording and having just happened, it's like, it's funny, because it's Tuesday now, and I just got emails of like, Cyber Monday has been extended, you know, and so it's like, you're never really going to miss out on the things that you're meant to have in your life. I don't think you're gonna miss out on it. And I think that's what the conferences taught me. It was like, you know, I could pace myself like, I used to dress up really nicely for conferences in the past, but this time, I was like, Nope, I'm wearing, I'm wearing a loose cob. I'm wearing flats, like all good. And I expect it to

: 51:52

be clearly demonstrate like it doesn't like he stood out because of what he wore. But that was his comfort. You know, and I think for women and men, it's really different. Like some, it just, I don't know what it is, like, what's ingrained in us and what were trained. Like, there wasn't a single person, a single woman there without makeup, there wasn't a single woman there who didn't think about what she was putting on before she walked up door. But every guy out there was probably like, yeah, this works. I'm going back to back three things, and they just walked out because they really embrace who they are a little bit more. And so like for women in particular, like, let's be okay, talking about this is who we are today. And this is how we got here. And this is what we look like without makeup. And you know, what we look like with blonde hair? Because yeah, didn't have time to shower before you jumped on the podcast.

Jen Amos: 52:47

No, totally trust me. Like, I probably like wash my hair, maybe once a week. I mean, because it's just like, well, I don't go out of the house. i My hair is always tied up in a bun. Like, so what? Like it just no one comes close enough to smell me anyway, other than Scott, and he probably hasn't showered either. So it's just Well, here we are, who's smelly. We're working from home. I you know, I feel like Nikki have a conversation of like, the way that women like feel compelled to carrying themselves in public. I think that's definitely a conversation for another time. I feel like we absolutely have a long conversation about that. Because I know there's so much to say about it. But I think the short message here is to challenge yourself to be your most authentic self and to add upon what you're saying earlier. You know, starting with what matters to you, if you don't know what matters to you. And I've done this in the past, like if I don't know what matters to me, I start off with what doesn't matter to me, I started right with what I don't want in my life. And then I see what the opposite of that is. I remember like so I've been self employed for almost a decade now. 2020 will be my 10 year anniversary. And in my young 20s I remember like I got fired from for jobs in my young 20s It was like a clear sign that I just was not meant for a job. I remember writing down like because I felt so you know, rejected and defected and just like just this broken person. I thought like, what am I good at? You know, what am I meant for? And I remember making a list of what I didn't like, it was like, Well, I don't like working in an office. I don't like being around people all the time. You know, I don't like this. I don't like that. And then right long, it'd be old that led me to being self employed to working from home to you know, having podcast shows where I can schedule the times I socialize with people so afterward I can just relax and you know, re energize write. And I think it's just allowing yourself to explore that and how eventually that will translate especially if you're going to be a business owner. You are a business owner that will translate into your messaging, but just like what you said, you know, if we're going to work on your marketing message, it starts with understanding the author and their character and what they feel like matters the most to them so, so beautifully said like everything that you just said.

: 54:54

I always say just do less of what drains you more of what fills you. And if you can do that And if you do that in your life that will come out through the stories that you share. Because when you're doing more of what fills you up, your stories will be more positive, your engagements will be more positive, your relationships will be deeper. If you're doing a lot of something that just does not resonate with you right now, you're going to have more negativity in your life, you're going to have more friction in your relationships, you're going to be more tired. So I just again, I've invested in some coaches that have helped me kind of reframe my mind and those senses, because I came from a place of like, oh, woe is me, and have really turned it around to how was this for me? How is what I'm going through right now? Part of the bigger story and actually getting me to the next step.

Jen Amos: 55:46

Right, right. Well, Nikki, I feel like we had such a wonderful conversation today, just learning about you, and what you do, and the importance of storytelling, telling your most authentic, vulnerable, open story about yourself and translating that into your marketing message. And just everything. I just I love our conversation today. Also, for our listeners that have also enjoyed the conversation and want to get a hold of you, how can they do

: 56:12

that. So my platform of choice where anybody can connect with me and follow me is going to be on LinkedIn. So LinkedIn, slash in slash Nikki James Zelner, that's where you can find me to kind of get my musings in the business sense if they want to actually have more of like a personalized experience, they can visit my website, where content connects.com There's a newsletter they can sign up for and I drop into their inbox like once a week, and I tell tactical, inspirational stories of how to share your story. This is for personal brands, as well as people who were possibly thinking about getting in business or currently in business. It's really just talking to women and talking about how to share our stories more deeply and more authentically.

Jen Amos: 56:56

Awesome, beautiful. And listeners. If you didn't catch that, don't worry, I always include those in the show notes. So you're welcome. I'm always really generous with the show notes on the show. With that said, Nikki, I want to thank you again so much for your time and also to our listeners as well. We hope that you have gained new knowledge, education or resources to help you continue to hold down the fort. So I'm Jenny Mose. Thank you, Nikki, so much for your time and to our listeners, and we look forward to seeing you or speaking with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.

Unknown Speaker: 57:25

Great. Thank you so much for having me. Bye, everybody.