041: “If being a military child is a novelty, make it one.” Growing up as a military child with Precious Williams

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories. So military spouses can continue to make confident and informed decisions for their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen amis, a Goldstar, daughter of veterans, spouse, and your host for today's show. Let's get started.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort. I hope that you're doing well. I don't think anyone can deny that we are living in very interesting times right now. With that said, I feel more of a responsibility to host this show and do my part to provide knowledge, resources and relevant stories for our military families. So with that said, have some announcements before we get into our exciting interview today. First of all, we have a newsletter. Now I know I've been saying that in the recent episodes, but if this is the first time you're listening to the show, we have a newsletter. And similar to the podcast, this newsletter will be curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories for our military spouses and families so that you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. The best part of it is that we will be sharing content from people we've interviewed on our show holding down the fort. And so if you have enjoyed our past guest and you want to hear more from them or or check out some of the resources they have, that will be provided to you in our newsletter. You can sign up for our newsletter by checking out the show notes of this episode or visiting holding down the fort podcast.com holding down the fort podcast is brought to you by the company that I'm so proud to work for us but wealth. At US Fed wealth we educate and empower veterans and their families on how to have personal autonomy in their lives with our three pillars of financial control, self development and identity. Today I want to briefly talk about our self development pillar for anyone that's looking to improve their professional presence online specifically on LinkedIn, especially for veterans and military spouses. US bed wealth is offering a free 30 Day LinkedIn masterclass, which is happening right now for free. You can register today at US bet wealth.com forward slash LinkedIn or visit us but wealth.com. Last but not least, in addition to our LinkedIn master classes, we also have what I call our office hours, we have decided to convert our action classes that we typically hold every Friday to our students in the LinkedIn masterclass to be able to answer any questions that they have about the course so far with our LinkedIn expert and founder of US Fed wealth. Also my husband, Scott R. Tucker. Once again, you can learn more about what we have to offer right now for free for our military community at US bet wealth.com. With that said, I want to thank you so much for listening to my announcements. Really excited to dive into this next interview. I think this is the first time I have interviewed a former military child, which is really exciting for me, because that's how I started off in the military community as a military child. And I really love her perspective on what it was like to be a military child, and how being one is considered to be a novelty. And so listen, and this is with precious Williams, also known as precious pioneer. I hope you enjoy this episode. Here we go.

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to holding down before I'm your host, Jen Amos. And I'm actually really excited because I think this is the first time that I get to interview a fellow former military child in our military community. So I want to introduce you all to precious Williams, famously known on online as precious pioneer. And I'm just really excited to dive in this conversation. Because, you know, most of my interviews have been with military spouses are advocates of the military community. And so I feel like I can just kind of relax and talk with a fellow military child. So precious. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 4:22

Hi, I'm so happy to be here. How are you doing today?

Jen Amos 4:26

Oh, I'm doing great. Like I said, I feel like I know you are right. Because audit, I'm gonna come off like creepy, but I just feel like she's a military child. And like prior to starting the recording, I was already hearing a little bit about your background and your experiences of how moving around so much actually really affected you. And I'm really excited to delve deeper later on this conversation about what it really means to be a military brat because a lot of us as military children or when we grow up when we tell people we're a military child. Often people say Oh, you were a military brat, you know you had all the benefits you're able to try Have all like your schools paid for, you know, like, you're like set for life, you know? And I'm really excited to dive into like, what the truth is, I mean, yes, there's that. But there's also other factors or other things that come along with that military brat lifestyle.

Speaker 1 5:15

But I feel like sometimes when you go through the same experiences, and you instantly can find somebody who also went through the exact same thing, you're like, instant, really good friends, because you don't have to explain certain mannerisms or certain feelings because it's just like you get it. And I think that's kind of what we had before we started the show. But I think that you're right. So military, children's tend to have such a novelty, especially when you're growing up and you're going to a new school. You're always like the new girl. And people want to know where you've been, and all these different things and you get to travel, ensure we do get a lot of certain benefits, like help in school and stuff. But I feel like those benefits certainly don't go undeserved. Based on all the different experience, we faced both the good and the bad, you know?

Jen Amos 6:00

Yeah, absolutely. Well, before we get into that, for people that are getting to know you, for the first time precious, why don't you just share a snapshot of your life today, I know that in reaching out to you and learning a little bit about you, you're a bit of eclectic, you have a lot of things going for you right now. Right. Um, so

Speaker 1 6:16

my name is precious. Currently, I'm a chef, I guess not to currently, because we're still a little bit in quarantine. I'm cooking for my family right now. But I was originally born in Fresno, California, being the Military Child I am I'm not really from anywhere. I've lived all over the United States. I recently graduated from the University of Central Florida last year. And so right now I'm kind of just finding my path. And I have my own podcast show as well called precious the foodie. And I kind of just connect with people all over the world using food as a medium to kind of explore important topics and kind of getting the root of people stories, I feel like moving around, the fastest way to get to know someone is to just hear their story and see what they're about and what they care about. And I found that to be such a rewarding experience that I wanted to capture that on my show.

Jen Amos 7:10

Yeah, I think that's so awesome. And I completely agree. And this is why I love podcasting, and interviewing people for the first time. I mean, even if I had met them for the first time, I mean to say because you can learn so much so quickly. And you can build bridges so quickly. And sometimes as an interviewer, I get to learn more about someone, then even their own loved ones, know about them. And I think it's just something about like asking those questions. And maybe for the guests, they feel like it's like a safe space for them. And then a fresh start to be open and transparent. And it's just been really awesome. The connections I've been able to make in this last year of podcasting. And so I think it's really awesome that, you know, you're a newly grad, and you have a podcast show. And I wish I wish I started podcasting when I was in my young boys on that I think about it. And so I feel like I have like three to five other podcast shows. And I feel like I'm trying to make up for it now in that kind of way. But I love it. I love it. And I love to hear that, like you are, you know, trying to find yourself now that you're a newly grad and aspiring chef and trying to make use of your skill set during this quarantine.

Speaker 1 8:15

Yeah, for sure. I think that something about podcasting, and especially with our background is that we become masters at cutting through the fluff and at the heart, you know, and I think that's an important skill that we kind of grew to develop, you know, I think it's one of our I used to call it our superpower, you know, we're able to kind of read a room and be able to pick out qualities of people to kind of ask them, you know, because I feel like sometimes we put on different hats or put on different faces, depending on our situation, but they kind of grown, we grow a keen eye to be able to kind of pick out the important stuff, you know,

Jen Amos 8:48

you know, I completely agree with you. And I feel like I've always kind of taken like a cutthroat approach at that, like if I have friends who, let's say they were born and raised, and they stayed in one place for like, you know, the first 18 years of their life. And later on in life, they're telling me that they have these toxic friends. And I'm just asking him like, well, in my mind, I'm thinking, well, if they're toxic for you, why not just cut them out? Because in my mind, you know, as a military child that had moved around every two to three years as well, like I just learned to, you know, cut negativity really quickly. And but then they would say my friends would say, Well, I've known them since middle school. I've known them since like Elementary. And that's one thing that I cannot always relate to. It's like well, oh, okay, because they you grew up knowing them, and they knew you and like things are changing. But maybe one person in the friendship hasn't changed. And it's complicated. It's complicated to break up friendships, I think or move on from certain friends if you have that kind of history, but I think as a military child, like you said, and also as an introvert, and I know we talked about this prior to the recording. I think we're so intentional about like spotting certain types of people in the room and just going for those particular people and even having like a tight knit group of friends. Like even for myself, I feel like I can count my closest friends. Like maybe a handful of them, I can count them with my fingers. Right. So can I? Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, I think that's really interesting. And validating, you know, to know that I'm not the only person that has learned to do that.

: 10:17

No, I, like I said, it is a superpower. And the thing is, though, something that I feel like I've always wanted, because I reflect on moments like that, where people are like, oh, yeah, you know, we've been friends since elementary school, or whatever. And I'm like, it would be so interesting to have a friend who's known me since middle school, like, I can't name a single person like that, you know, and so to have a friend that like grew up to grow up with, you know, but then at the same time, it's a double sided coin, you know, because you're with these people your entire life, they know everything about you. And I feel like something like, on the positive side of moving around a lot is that your baggage can come with you or it doesn't, you can just leave it, the place that you left it, you know, but at the same time, if you do decide to leave parts of that baggage, and reinvent yourself, wherever you are, wherever you end up, you, you kind of lose, you lose that baggage and you kind of forget, like who you are, you know, and I feel like that's why I say like, sometimes you're a military child. And then once you're at the end of it, you're an adult, it's kind of hard to reflect on how that experience impacted your life. Because you're like, well, now where's all my baggage? You know, how do I self reflect and better myself, where I don't know where half that stuff is, you know, and so you have to like, really dig deep and figure out why certain qualities are part of your personality, or why you're prone to certain things. And you kind of have to go back and recollect all of those old memories, you know. So it's a way to escape in such a freedom to be able to move somewhere and, you know, drop a habit and become whoever you want to be, because no one will know, but you will know, you know, you will know. So yeah.

Jen Amos: 11:56

It's like we were raised to be gypsies. In a way, you know, it's like we're nomads just constantly like moving and constantly reinventing yourself. And I do hear kind of that pain as well of like, like, when you finally do get to settle. And when you do have time to reflect. It's like, Well, who am I like, who am I at this point, because I've moved so much. And I think for myself to how it's been so difficult for me. So I'm 32 now and like the majority of my adult life, it's hard for me to say that I've stuck with like one thing, like for a long time. And I mean, I do take pride in like I used to run a social media agency for five years. And I was in sales. And there were some things I did. But I feel like it was this constant pattern of changing my life every like two to three or three to five years. Like always, like reinventing myself. And so and so I know that you're a young adult right now. And you're just starting out in your career. I'm curious if you have struggled in that way as well of like, really feeling like you can stick with something. And you know, if you can, how did you do that? And if not, like what is it like to work through that?

: 13:04

That's so funny that you mentioned that I didn't even think about that being tied to my military background. I honestly just called it my Gemini syndrome. Because we're like two sided and we're indecisive and all these different things. And I'm like, but it's so funny because no I think that's impacted me for sure. Because the thing is, though I feel cooking for me just brings me a lot of joy and something that resonated with me as a chef is that something that my family has always ingrained in me is that it doesn't matter where we are in the world you know, home is where your family is Home is where the people that love you are and so no matter where we were, every night, we always sat down at the dinner table and ate dinner together and so that I think it's like memories. Even though we traveled all over it's these memories that always kind of stuck with me and felt like home and so I felt like I picked a profession that kind of did that for other people it was really fulfilling when people come to my restaurant to celebrate their birthdays or anniversaries or celebrations you know and I'm part of that memory you know, so it doesn't matter like where we are it's just I contributed help contribute to that and that was the most important thing to me when I was growing up you know? Yeah, so I think that's what helped me kind of stick to my passion for cooking over the years but the thing is though it definitely has changed a little you know, it always changes and evolves are sometimes it's a very studious field and so I'll find other avenues to kind of keep me busy I've always been super sporty and always picked up the randomness of hobbies. I have that what is it? Jack of all trades but master of none I'm literally embody all of that. I can do all kinds of crazy things. But the thing is, though, I feel like cooking is what my calling is or at least what I really enjoyed the most out of everything.

Jen Amos: 14:59

Yeah, I love If that despite all the change that you had experienced as a military child, the one common or the one commonality amongst all that change is food. And I think that's so beautiful that now that's become your profession. And I think about the number one thing that that stuck with me as a military child was the internet. Like, I remember, I think it was like, in fourth or fifth grade, my aunt introduced me to MSN chat rooms, which like no one, like if anyone knows that, that's like way back when when, like, chat rooms weren't so highly regulated. But it was a way for me to build community online. And, you know, kind of take those friendships with me wherever I go. And, you know, if there's any common theme amongst all of my professions I've done in my adult life, it's been using the internet and doing some kind of online marketing profession or skills or having that kind of skill set. So I think it's interesting how for you, what came out of your military child background is cooking. And for me, it's been the internet. So it's very, very interesting like to see that. And I'm curious if there's any military child listening to the show, or a former military child, like what is that common theme or common skill set, or thing that stuck with you that has now manifested into your adult life that you do is like your career, or it's like your passion, I'm very curious to hear like how that has affected, you know, military child who are adults today,

: 16:17

right, and you've said, if you had any tips to kind of stick with those things, and I feel like one of the main things or general feelings that we tend to have is roots, we all have some form of memory, some safe play some thing that we used to do that kind of reminded us of home that made us feel calm amidst everything going on, whether that's journaling, you know, you could become a writer and all these different things, or I always recommend gardening, because I don't know about you from moving place to place, we could never start a garden. Because, you know, it was, like, all your love into it, and grow and blossom and say, Okay, I'm gonna go, you know, one thing that I just became super passionate about when I was in college, I was there for four years. And I was like, You know what, like, I'm gonna grow my own plants now. See them grow, you know, and I think anywhere where you can establish your own personal sort of route, so you feel like, despite everything going on, you can hold steady in a place, I think that could help contribute to a lot of your joy.

Jen Amos: 17:19

So yeah, absolutely. I love that, especially with this quarantine, I think a lot of people are really taking the time to, like grow things now. Because they have no choice but to be at home. I mean, even my husband and I, collectively, we probably individually, like moved like a total of 10 plus times in the last like handful years. And this time, we're now in Virginia Beach, I told him I was like, after a year, and almost a half of living here. I told him like, okay, like, I don't want to start over anymore. I was like, I want to, like intentionally build some physical roots. Because just like we were talking about roots, and when I think of roots, I think for a military child, it's like you build like roots that you can take with you, you know, and for me, it's been journaling. It's been making online friends, it's been, you know, ultimately building online businesses in my adult life. But now I'm in a place in my life where I'm just like hungry for physical roots. And so we literally have like a garden downstairs and like we're growing sprouts, and I just set up a batch of kombucha like we've just our house is just this whole, like, self sufficient, like, hopefully, like ecosystem thing going on. And it's my way of outwardly showing that I want to be routed somewhere. And, you know, even though we are not in the military, I mean, he's a veteran, and so he had his own experiences of moving around a lot as well. But like now, I just feel like I don't know where our future will take us. But for now, let's I'm going to try to plant some physical. And I think it's been healing for me, I think it just because of how quick I am to want to start over or uproot myself and like, go somewhere else, or, you know, just have a whole different group of friends or a whole different, you know, group of associations because, you know, something triggered in me that said, I need to go, but now when I have that trigger, it's like, no, I don't want to go like I don't have anywhere else to go. Like I don't I don't want to go anywhere else, you know, like good. Yeah, and I feel like that's like the stage of my life right now. You know, post Military Child Life of like, okay, I'm done. I'm done doing all that.

: 19:20

Right, we develop fighter flight, you know, sort of mentality. You know, it's not necessarily when we faced adversities, we just want to pack up and move. But it's one of these things that where when we get too comfortable, I feel like it's a subconscious thing when we get too comfortable. And we have really good friends and we like our cafe on the corner and all these different things. It's like a sudden urge to pick up and leave not necessarily be Yeah, because we want to go it's because I think it's a subconscious thing of we're afraid that we're going to lose it anyway. Because I feel like every military child has felt this pain or this understanding of like the talk of like, hey, you know, like, think about all your friends because we're gonna have to leave and it does play an emotional toll when you kind of constantly enter a room that's completely empty, and you have to like, put all your stuff back up, and then pull it all back down. And then you lose a lot of things. And though on the way things get broken and mementos get lost, in, you stop kind of collecting a lot of these things. Because sometimes it brings a lot of pain, you know, or a lot of sadness because you miss these people. And when you're younger, it's not necessarily that people don't care enough to reach out to you. But sometimes it's a little bit harder, you know, life continues on and they've got their own problems and committee to worry about and things like that, and you're on you're on it at a different high school, or you're in a different location, and you have your own life to rebuild and start again, you know, and so people grow apart. And it's a little bit painful, even though you could have been like the bestest of friends, wherever you were, you know, and it's a very powerful experience to kind of have to learn to let go. And I think that when we get to a really happy point, and we're very comfortable on the spot, we kind of feel that, like, we get ready as if we needed to let go. But it's a new mentality that we kind of have to embrace that. No, we're okay. Like where we are and what we're doing.

Jen Amos: 21:12

Precious, you're so articulate. I love it. Like everything you're saying. It's like, I feel like I'm just like, I don't know, just like messing up my words here. You're just like saying everything so eloquently. I love it.

: 21:23

No, it's okay. I just feel like it took a lot of reflection, you know, kids, for you to be able to understand even what I said, you kind of have to like, think about how you felt during that time. And it's not easy. It's not like, oh, yeah, let me just think about the time I left, my best friend and I cried for like, three months, you know, like all these different things. It's a very painful thing to kind of reflect on. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 21:47

Well, let's go ahead and talk more about I really want to debunk like this whole phrase, military brat, because I think that whenever people hear that you were a military child, like, oh, you're a brat, like you had all the benefits you had, you were able to travel the world, like you just you had that kind of form of stability in a way. And but the truth is, it comes at a price, right. And, you know, the show is really dedicated to providing more knowledge and stories to military families and military spouses. And so I hope that the show, at least if a military spouse is listening can gain some perspective, from our experiences, you know, that they can maybe look at their child, that they're raising the military a little bit differently, with a little more knowledge and wisdom. Because, you know, you can do the best that you can as a spouse. But I think that the whole entire family, military family comes out of the military, with their own forms of trauma. And so hopefully, in us having this conversation about military brat, we can give more insight to the spouses and the families and the communities, you know, on what our experiences has been like as a child, because I think that we don't get asked that story. As often. I think that if there's anyone that is serving the military community, it's usually geared toward veterans or the spouses. So anyway, I'm just really happy to be having this conversation so far. And yeah, let's get into the topic. What does it mean to be a military brat? Like when people said that to you? Like, what do you think was their meaning when they said, Oh, you're a military brat.

: 23:14

Honestly, I think that there's such a novelty with being in the military when you're a kid, because for most kids, they kind of grew up there their whole lives, or maybe their parents have stayed in that same location their entire lives, and they want the experience to travel and see all these other new cool, interesting places, or whatever it may be. Ensure that is like a small percentage of what we do. But I feel like it comes from like an idea that not necessarily that we're spoiled, but we have all these experiences at such a young age and being able to be in Germany, or Japan, or California, and all these different things. But I feel like it's the back side of really what goes on. It's like they're seeing the credit of the film, you know, and I feel like when our parents are at a new military base, or new location, and all these different things, certainly the least we could do is visit where we're currently located at, you know, and that's the way I see it. Because the thing is, though, when you're rooted in a location, like most of our peers where they can go to any college or university because the town knows who you are, your neighbors know who you are, they can advocate for you. When you get a parking ticket, they're like, oh, it's Suzy down the street, but she's fine. You know, like you have that you have that connection, you know, and the thing with us is that since we aren't routed anywhere, networking is all we have to get anywhere in the world networking, and meeting people. And the power of connection is the only thing we have that routes us you know, like the people that have kind of slightly remembered us from 10 years ago at so and so maybe isn't what we have, you know, and I think it's kind of important to remember that. And so meeting new people is our survival skill. You know, that's why we're forced into a situation. And the only way that we're going to thrive, get the help we need in school is to meet new friends know where the local coffee shop is, is by talking to people, Hey, neighbor, like where's this? I'm last day, you know, we are forced to work for some situations where the only way that we could live in a location is just by asking a lot of questions. Because we have to learn things, new skills very quickly. And so I think that part has been lost. You know, that's the hard part. That's the nitty gritty, because the thing is, though, if our only survival skill is talking to people and ask them a lot of questions, not everyone is an extrovert, like I am, who's like, Hi, how you doing? I'm new here, you know, like, are some people who are like, do not like talking, there are people who are very secluded, who are very private people, and they struggle, you know, and it's not easy for them, and they're lonely, or it makes the experience so much harder, you know, and so, I feel like those people also need to be recognized because we go through the same thing. Yeah, I

Jen Amos: 26:10

can attest to that. Because I know that I had met some military children that are now adults who said they loved moving around so much, or they just seem normal. And I'm here thinking that every move when I was young, was almost a traumatic experience, to the point that when I had lost my dad, I didn't want to intentionally make friends anymore. So like, from fifth grade till really high school, I remember that if people gravitated toward me, and they wanted me to be their friend, like, Okay, I will be your friend, you know, like, I didn't even intentionally choose them, I let them choose me. And because I just didn't want to get to that place. Again, I'm like, okay, you know, if we do get close, and then I have to move, even though I knew like, because after we lost my dad, we lived in San Diego, California for about 20 years. Like, even though I sort of knew that we were going to stay there, I just wasn't built that way to think that I was going to stay there. And so it was just easier to kind of follow the crowd than to intentionally choose my friends. And unfortunately, the friends that chose me, a lot of times ended up being toxic types of friendships, because a lot of them were very, like narcissistic, you know, they loved me because of how much attention and time that I gave them. And as an introvert, once I get comfortable, like, I don't want to change, I just want to stick with what I have. And maybe that's just that desire, even as a military child to just, you know, have something to really cling on to, you know, so I just remember how difficult it was for me. But fast forward to my adult years, I just just like what you said, the networking thing really speaks to me, because I knew that in order for me to be successful, like in sales and in business, like I had to network, I had to put myself out there. And I think I have to give credit to being a military child, to know how to read the Roman to know how to, you know, connect with certain people. And I wasn't always perfect at it, and I'm still not. But I think that I'm a lot more like poised and intentional. And I'm not coming from a place of like, abandonment issues where like, okay, like, you know, if all else fails, I can just like, you know, jump ship or go somewhere else, you know, like, yeah, now it's like, now I want to actually lean into these relationships and actually nurture them, even if it means, you know, dealing with some kind of confrontational like issues and learning how to address those with grace and compassion and not like, just disappear. Disappear instead of face them. Right. Like that was, like you said earlier, like, I think we have this fight or flight response. And for me, it was always flight. It was either flight, or freeze, actually. And so I didn't know how to fight because I just, I don't know, I just didn't have it. In me, it's probably a cultural thing as well. Like, seeing my mom who like never fought, you know, she just always like, tried to stay within the lines and like, you know, do things, follow the rules and all that stuff. So I just I didn't know how to do confrontation even in a nice way.

: 28:59

Right. I feel like sometimes I don't know if everybody struggled with the confrontation issues. But the thing is, though, like, I don't know, it's not that you necessarily give up when you're growing up, but you're just like, why bother, I'm gonna be here for like a year. So, you know, you're just completely unfazed. And I can completely understand the fact how sometimes it's traumatic in the sense that just moving takes a toll on you. And so, meeting new friends, sometimes you just let people come to you. And I think I was very fortunate enough to, I played sports my whole life. And so even if I didn't want to meet new people, I'm at least forced in a situation where I have to communicate with people, my teammates to win and like, work together and all these different things, and there was just people just naturally became my friends. And I think you become, we become really good at it, even if not self consciously. If we choose people to be our friend, sometimes we show them what they want to see or we keep them at a distance. Sometimes I think we might struggle with X really opening up with certain issues that we're facing, because at the end of the day, we are facing very real life issues. And growing up, my dad was deployed, he was deployed in Afghanistan, I think for a year, like when I was in elementary, and then also, he would go to a different base for a few months at a time, right before the summer, which happened to be my birthday. So there's like four years in a row where my dad was just wasn't at my birthday. Like, that was a thing, you know, and there's even my brother, like, His birthday is in the middle of the summer, right? When we're moving, and we move in the summer. And so literally every, for a while, almost every birthday, like at least five or six of them, we were in? What is it those little military hotels before your house is ready? You know, you'd see those for? I know, I know. Exactly. So it we spent like a lot of his birthdays there, you know, and so these are very, just very real things that a lot of people don't understand, or, you know, like, if you were to talk to your high school friends about, hey, you know, like, I'm really depressed, because all you know, like, they wouldn't get it. And so these are very real things, and then you're too cool to talk to your parents, you know, sometimes, sometimes you feel like you really are alone in these situations. And that's where the trauma can really manifest, you know, and sometimes you push a lot of it's subconscious, and you don't really have the courage to face and sit with it until you're an adult, and you're suddenly doing the same things, even though you know, you're not necessarily moving or changing. Suddenly, your friends are like, hey, like, you never open up about things like this. And you're like, Oh, I didn't mean to, I thought I was or something. But really, you you've grown accustomed to this habit of keeping people close, but not too close, you know? Right, right. I think that plays a heavy role.

Jen Amos: 31:47

I hear you and all of that. I mean, although I have like close friends, I also have, like, a lot of acquaintances, you know, and like, I feel like I'm very genuine and very compassionate and everything, but like, you know, even till this day, there's still something in the back of my mind that I'm, you know, learning to rewrite essentially of like, okay, well, I might not be here for long anyway, you know, like, or maybe you won't like me anyway. And then we could just call it a day, and, you know, just part ways, but it is quite interesting. And I appreciate you like elaborating on that and really addressing kind of the what we have to face, you know, like, what, in our adult life as former military children, you know, my hope for this episode is to have the military spouse listen in and be like, okay, maybe I can do something different for my child. And so it sounds like you had a really healthy upbringing, you know, despite all the change and moving, and it sounds like your family was really there for you. So this is not to knock on them in any way. If there's any way that your parents could have maybe have made your life a little easier, a little more smoother, as your experience as a military child, how do you think they could have done that?

: 32:56

Honestly, I think that they did the best that they could, because the thing is, though, when you're in a military family, and you're moving around, you're new experiences are just as new as your mom, you know, your, your parents married into this, it's not like they just knew what they were doing. You know, it's a little, a little bit more challenging, I suppose. But I think one thing that my parents are really good at is they make the best out of each situation, you know, like, the benefits are there for a reason. So if you're in California, or wherever you are, like, they made it a point to make sure that we checked out all of the national monuments and all the other things and they always said that this is something you're gonna remember when you're older, when you're studying in history class, like, this is where we're at, you know, and we're very fortunate to be able to see some of these things. My dad is a huge advocate for using your benefits and making sure you discount for restaurants or movie theaters, like did you ask, you know, for Yeah, or something, you know, or whatever. And I'm like, I feel like those are certain things that are really good. And I think for all the spouses out there, that's really important. Just make it because I feel like sometimes a change in perspective can really help you know, it's not always a downer. And so if being a military child is a novelty, make it one you know, and I think that's really important because it kind of helps even out the side of like the worry, the anxiety of the whoever's in the military to feel supported and to feel loved. And I think that's something that also kept my dad you know, where he's at the support of his family. And I think that mindset is important, but there are very real fears. And I wanted to mention this club that really, really could help a lot of students because like I said, not everyone is meant for the extroverted lifestyles. Some people suffer in silence and are kind of alone in one group that they had at my high school. It was not at every high school, but I think just starting it or asking about it, I think was called the purple ribbon organization or something. And there's a whole thing across the US where there's these meetings that take place in the middle of the school week, like once a week, or once a month, or something where all the military kids kind of can sit in a room and share breakfast and just kind of talk about their experiences, what they're going through, and there's like a therapist on hand. So if they mock something, during lunch, and have lunch with them and talk about it, because the thing is, though, like, we have to do all the normal high school stuff, take AP exams, take SATs, and deal with boyfriend drama, like all these other regular things. And then if you're up late worrying and not doing well, because your dad is deployed somewhere, or is having post traumatic stress, you know, like all these different things, you know, these are very real experiences, then that's going to impact your school, and that's going to impact your future. And so just having a healthy outlet, I think was such a great thing for a lot of people. And I ended up being like the President, my senior year, and we hosted a little event where we could invite all of our families and some of the local military personnel to give some speeches, and we just had a very nice military brunch, you know, and just being recognized for all of our struggles, but also our triumphs, you know, I think is a very empowering organization. And so we definitely, look, if you're a parent look and see if your school has it, it's pretty easy to start one you just kind of asked, you know, who was Yeah, Terry kids, and then you host a brunch, you know, buy some bagels, and just giving them a place to talk and link up. Because, like I said, In the beginning of this episode, just finding someone with similar experiences, makes an instant friend and having an outlet could make or break somebody, you know, to be able to talk to you about their experiences and everything like that. So,

Jen Amos: 36:47

yeah, wow, precious, I really enjoyed our conversation today. I just I want to thank you so much for joining me and sharing a bit of your life, and you just have so much wisdom and maturity, from your experiences. And I think that is also like the benefit. And the gift of being a military child has you kind of grew up fast, fast, and you carry a lot of wisdom with you, because you've been through a lot. And so I just want to thank you so much for being so transparent about your life and what you've learned and what you're up to today, and possibly where you're headed. Do you have any more closing thoughts about your experience as a military child and where you're at today that you want to share with our community, which is geared toward military families and spouses?

: 37:32

Well, I think one positive thing that I can say is that I took away from it out of everything, you know, I took a very, very positive experience out of it. And I think that the key element, like when you're going through it, is to find that you know, so if people make it a novelty, if you have that superpower, call it a superpower use words that empower you to seek out better, you know, use your benefits, as much as you can, you know, there's scholarships designated for us. There's special programs, tutoring, all these different things like don't be afraid to ask and use your resources. A lot of teachers and parents will understand you know, and so not necessarily that you could take advantage and use your leeway, but at the same time, like if you need that support is definitely there for you. And I think having that perspective and using it as a novelty can really help inspire you to live your best guess. And at the end of the tunnel, it's there. Like it's good. You know, just through that. Yeah,

Jen Amos: 38:35

beautiful. I think the biggest takeaway I got from our conversation today is just learning to reframe your story of you growing up, I mean, it sounds like you already had an overall positive experience. My take on it, because I feel like you know, I had always told myself this negative story of moving around so much and wanting to settle somewhere and then losing my dad. And then, you know, fast forward to today, like working with the military community. And I feel fortunate and doing the show to kind of find healing and all of that and you've added or you've played a part in that pressure. So I just want to thank you again for being on our show. And and joining me today.

: 39:08

Yay. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much. Good conversation.

Jen Amos: 39:13

Yeah, no, I agree. It was it was fantastic. For people that want to reach out to you and possibly continue the conversation with you. How can they do that? How can they find you?

: 39:22

You can find me anywhere and everywhere at purchase pioneer, anywhere Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, whatever. You can just find me there and instagram you can DM me and I usually respond pretty quickly there. But I think that's the best place to find me.

Jen Amos: 39:38

Beautiful. Yeah, Instagrams, my favorite as well. Kind of like my go to. It's like don't like don't text me just DM me on Instagram. Awesome. Well, precious. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate having you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, and to our listeners. We hope that today's episode gave you one more piece of knowledge resource, a relevant story so you can continue to make make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. With that said, thank you for listening and we'll see you in the next episode. Tune in next time.