061: Helping women Veterans and military spouses navigate life transitions while living a whole and joyful life with Jennifer Ballou

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories for today's military spouses so they can continue to make confident and informed decisions for themselves and their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen a Moe's, a gold star, daughter, veteran spouse and your host for holding down the fort by us that wealth. Let's get started.

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort season three, if you have been listening from the beginning. So far, I really hope you've been getting a lot of value from the show. I have felt so different since the start of season three. And I think it's partly because of just the time I had between Season Two and Three to really reflect on how I want to show up for this next season. And I think this season in my personal opinion, has a lot more heart and love for our community and bringing on people who are movers and shakers of our community today, whether it's of our community or for our community. I'm just really excited to bring them on. And hopefully you will benefit from what they have to say and what they have to share. So with that said, I'm really excited to bring on my guest today. She is an Army veteran, Goldstar spouse, which is very special for me because I am a gold star daughter and army spouse as well as a life coach, yoga teacher and speaker, Jennifer Balu. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 1:35

Thank you so much for having me, Jen. It's really an honor to be here today.

Jen Amos 1:40

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, also from one Gen to another Gen Xers are awesome. Like, yes, they are the best name ever so much that's so popular. I remember in I think it was like fifth or sixth grade or something. There was like six Jennifer's in my class. And so we would always have the initial two, our last names would be like Jennifer age, and for G Jennifer L. And I'm just curious to know, because Jennifer is such a common name if you've experienced something similar.

Speaker 1 2:06

Oh, yes. I'm just nodding my head while you're saying that same thing. There were only so many Jennifer's growing up. Actually, when I was younger, a lot of people called me Jenny, which I didn't really mind at the time. I don't go by that anymore. But that was sort of like a distinguisher for me. So yeah, totally experienced

Jen Amos 2:25

, you know, Jen, as you know,: 2020

Speaker 1 3:11

Oh, that is so kind of you to ask that. You know, I've got to say, I feel like I'm doing really well, actually. Yeah, it's different, for sure. And so it took a little bit of adjusting at the beginning to kind of navigate and change things around a little bit. But I feel like I'm doing really well. I'm really focusing on one of the things that I Well, I'm trying to practice what I preach, which is self care, and making sure that I invest in myself so that I am able to continue to do the things that I do. So thank you for that. How about you? I feel like I need to ask the question in return. interview you.

Jen Amos 3:55

Well, thank you for asking. No, I always love it when people turn the mic against me in a way or they turn it to me. They're like, you know, checking in that way. So thank you for doing that. I mean, I always try to purposely make it about the guest. But you know, I won't shy away from talking about myself, either. So you know, to answer your question. Yeah, you know, I hate to I guess, I don't know, like, rub people off the wrong way if they are going through a hard time this year. But fortunately, my husband and I are very lucky that it's been quite a good year for us. If anything, staying at home has made us more productive to the point where I need to start enforcing breaks, like I need to start enforcing, like, Hey, we are not working at this time, or I am not taking any calls on these days. You know, so we are definitely really busy. And I'm so glad that podcasting has been my chosen medium since last year because I just think that in a time like right now, I think real raw and candid conversations are especially needed like I do I think we need to check in with each other more so than ever, and seek to understand before being understood. And I just say, you know, what better place to do that than podcasting. So I appreciate you asking, I'm having a lot of fun, definitely losing my voice, I have to get better at maintaining this voice. You know, I'm not like a singer or anything that has to like, you know, drink tea all the time, or whatever. But you know, I can have these conversations all day, they really get me through these tough times, like just feeling so isolated from people. And you know, Jen, I'm actually an introvert. But because I have to stay at home as opposed to want to stay at home, it adds a different pressure. I think that, you know, I've definitely had to have find the balance with being stir crazy to like actually being okay, being at home. So it's an interesting time. But overall, I'm very appreciative of, you know, our blessings and our opportunity to still function as a business and for me to still do this podcast show. So thank you for asking.

Unknown Speaker 6:04

You're so welcome.

Jen Amos 6:06

Yeah, well, Jen, for people that are getting to know you for the first time, why don't you just give us a quick snapshot of your life? Like what keeps you most busy or excited nowadays?

Speaker 1 6:16

Wow, that's a great question, Jen. So a quick snapshot of my life. Right now, I am an army spouse, and I'm also the mother of three children. So that in itself could be a full time job for sure. But I also I am a speaker, as you mentioned, and a life coach. I also teach yoga. So those three things kind of go hand in hand, with my business, a joyful life with Jennifer, I help primarily women, veterans and military families, navigate changes or life transitions while living a holy and joyful life. And I have sort of a life story that I'm sure we'll get to, in terms of what led me specifically to this point. But one of the things I think I can say for sure, is that everybody either has or is going to experience some type of change in their life. And especially in the military, whether you're the service member or a supporting family member, we experienced change quite often. And a lot of times, we might not be navigating it in the best way, or the most healthy way. And so it's just kind of become my purpose to help people do just that.

Jen Amos 7:46

Yeah, I appreciate you saying that. I think that change really says a lot about a person and how often they go through it. I grew up as a military child for the first 10 years of my life. And I hear these stories that you know, from other spouses, where they say, like, Oh, my kids love this, my kids love to travel, they love to meet new people. But honestly, you know, as someone who considers herself an introvert, and more importantly, it was harder for me to feel like I could establish friends, it was really difficult for me to move every two to three years. And then unfortunately, when I had lost my dad, back in 98, our life just catapulted back to civilian life. And at that point, in meeting new people, like meeting new friends, I sort of just what do you call it, like, I just sort of gave up in being proactive and taking initiative to make new friends. Like if people came to me, and they wanted me to be their friends, I was like, Okay, but what I had found throughout the years, Jen, is that a lot of those relationships actually turned out to be really toxic, because I was also a really good listener. And I think I wasn't an enabler, like, I never stood up to them and say, Hey, what you're doing is wrong. If anything, I just enabled them to continue to be like narcissistic or toxic and mean, you know, to other people, and even mean to me, and so fortunately, you know, fast forward to my adult life, I've learned to cut out all those toxic relationships and set boundaries for myself. But it took a long time to get to that place to realize that, like, I can choose friends, and I don't have to be afraid that I'm going to lose people, you know, because that was a real issue for me, growing up. And so I'm just really grateful to be in a place today where it's like, I'm so glad that I'm not repeating that same pattern of falling into toxic relationships, and, you know, honoring myself. And so I think you can tell a lot about someone you know, by the changes that they go through, but also if you give them a chance, they can, you know, change for the better. I think it just requires the right guidance or even that intuition, that inner voice to listen to change in a way that honors you.

Speaker 1 9:49

Definitely that's really insightful that you're able to recognize that about yourself and that you did eventually implement the things necessary in your life. To change in a way that best serves you, so that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that.

Jen Amos: 10:06

Yeah. Well, I'm glad since you asked me how I'm doing. I feel like I need to add to the conversation. No, I love it. Yeah. So anyway, you did kind of hint at there's a particular reason why you have chosen to serve our military vets and spouses. So tell me that story. What led you to have a passion to, to focus specifically on them?

: 10:28

Right? Yeah. So I mean, I served our country for 21 years. I retired in 2015. And I mean, that's one of the main reasons is because I just have a place in my heart for military servicemembers and their families because I've lived that life my whole life. But in 2010, my husband Eddie and I were both serving in the army, and we were both deployed to Afghanistan. I was just arriving there. I had been there about six weeks, and he was finishing up his tour. And the plan was that he would be back home with the kids a few months after I got there. And although he was an infantry man, and had been deployed many times before, and we understood like what could happen, never in, at least never in my wildest dreams that I imagined that on June 24, of 2010, I would be notified that Eddie had been on a patrol and an IED exploded. And initially, when I was notified, he was alive, he had lost his left leg, and was being evacuated to the hospital. And so I was in a completely different part of the country. And so, you know, people were jumping through hoops to try to figure out how to get me to where he was going to be. And I just remember, it was a couple hour plane ride. I just remember that plane ride thinking, how different our lives were going to be now that Eddie didn't have one of his legs. But yeah, that Edie was going to be that guy who was running the army 10 miler, and I would be by his side. And just, I never thought that when I got there, he wouldn't have made it. And unfortunately, it was minutes before his 35th birthday. He passed away. Wow. So yeah, that's kind of like, a very big defining moment in my life, because, as you can imagine, everything changed. Yeah, yeah. So my priorities changed. I once thought I would serve in the army for, you know, 30 years or as long as I could. And now all of a sudden, although the military was for sure, still a huge part of my life, it just wasn't the priority anymore. And so, I mean, I did continue serving, and I retired, and many life lessons and blessings have occurred over the last 10 years. But that's due to a very unfortunate, heartbreaking experience.

Jen Amos: 13:45

Yeah, well, Jen, thank you for taking the time to explain in detail what happened, you know, from one Gold Star family member to another I'm sincerely sorry, for your loss. I mean, minutes away before his 35th birthday. Wow, I just, I'm at a loss of words, but just know that my heart goes out to you. It's never easy to lose someone. But there's also a different layer when you've lost someone while in active duty. I think it's something that, you know, you never forget. And I think that, at least for me, I think about how it created a lot of questions for me, like after it all happened, because we just catapulted back into civilian life. And you're just like, Wait, what happened? Like that just happened so fast. So thank you for doing that. And I could tell you're really taking your time sharing that, though, I imagine that was an easy, so thank you for doing that. Because, you know, I think that we're a rarity, I think in our military community. You know, you think about the young couple, the young family that gets into the military, and it's so exciting. And you think about, like the service and traveling and all that stuff. But there's also a lot of tragedy that comes around and a lot of tragedy and sacrifice that could come of this military life. So, again, thank you, you know, for really diving into that and sharing in detail your story. You're welcome. Yeah. So, you know, 10 years have gone by, Wow, that's crazy to think, you know, a whole decade flew by. And as you have hinted, you've learned a lot along the way. So, you know, for military spouses and families that are listening to this, what are some major lessons that you would like to share with us that you had learned in the last 10 years?

: 15:31

Right? Oh, wow, there's a lot of them. But if I had to pick a few, one life lesson that I would share, is something that I actually learned from one of my favorite authors, speakers, she calls herself a storyteller Brene. Brown, are you familiar? Yeah, so many years ago, probably about two years after it died, a friend introduced me to her work. And something that she says, really just resonated with me. And it's something along the lines of, if you don't allow yourself to feel the tough emotions, the emotions that we don't want to feel, then you're never going to be able to fully experience the feel good, the positive emotions. And that was it when I heard that, and I'm totally paraphrasing it. But that's the gist of it. When I heard that, it was just like, wow, because I was at a point in my life where I hadn't dealt with the death of Edie in a very productive way. And I just kind of, it just resonated, if I don't deal with this hard stuff, I'm never going to be able to experience all of the joys of life. And it definitely didn't happen overnight. And it took a lot of hard work. But I'm so glad that I did, I sought the help that I needed. And I did the hard work. And I'm a firm believer in that is one of the things that led me to being able to experience all of the beauty that I do today. Another life lesson that I would like to share is, and I know we hear this all the time, especially lately, and I know, I think a lot of it is just because of the pandemic, but you can't pour from an empty cup, you've got to take care of yourself. And this is a big one. I think that probably resonates a lot with military spouses, especially right now. It's like, so many people have kids at home, and they're working from home, and they're the teacher and the mom, and maybe even the dad and you know, doing all the things. And a lot of times it feels like, I don't have time for myself, you know. But that's the time when you really need to be investing in yourself, whatever that looks like for you. I mean, what works for me in terms of self care might not work for you, but take care of yourself. And then if I could just share one more. Yes, change is inevitable, what we know our life to be today. And this could again, like just tie to where things are in the world. In terms of this pandemic, none of us saw this coming. None of us thought that we would be where we are today. But change is inevitable. And so setting yourself up for lack of better words, to be in a place where you're healthy, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, so that not if but when this big smack in the face happens, or this big change happens, you'll be positioned a little bit better to navigate

Jen Amos: 19:07

those things. Yeah, very beautiful. I think all of those three pieces of advice are absolutely important. And I really appreciate you sharing that. And I think this is really good for young families to prepare themselves, essentially. Because again, I feel like the beginning of the military, there's that honeymoon phase of like, oh my gosh, we got to travel, we got a PCS, like the government's gonna take care of us. But after a while, it gets tiring after a while you're like, Oh, we got to move again. You know, like, okay, like, Oh, we're staying here longer than expected. Okay. And then just like what you're saying, especially with the pandemic right now, just dealing with everyone being in the house and the spouse that's at home, having to juggle so many different roles. I think the indicator that you need to prioritize self care is when you minimize it when you think oh, I don't need to do that right now or I don't have to I'm gonna do that right now. And I think if you say that that's a red flag, or that's a sign up like you need it, you know? Yeah. Yeah,

: 20:09

definitely, I just want to say one more thing. And it's, it's in line with the self care. This is the yoga teacher and me talking. But there's, it's not just me, there's so much science behind this. Just breathe. There's so much power, if you really truly are at your wits with edge, and you feel like you're going to break and you just can't escape from whatever's going on. The power in taking some deep breaths is amazing and transformational. So when in doubt, just breathe.

Jen Amos: 20:45

I love that. And I hope you'll appreciate this because your yoga teacher, but one thing I like to do is, even after a call, I'll just go on the floor and do a child's pose and just breathe. Like I just stretch my body out. And I just allow, like, I just feel my body, I allow myself to stretch and just like, take it easy. It's like even just a couple of minutes of that really does make a big difference.

: 21:06

That's awesome. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 21:09

So Jen with your clientele, I know that again, you focus on military vets, and military spouses and families. And I hear where your passion comes from, in the passing of Eddie. And really just the lessons you've learned in the last 10 years. In your work so far, what are you most proud of when it comes to working with your clients or your business? Like, what are you most proud of in your journey so far?

: 21:35

Wow, that's a great question. Oh, so what I'm most proud of, in my professional life, is that I have very recently, I decided to stop playing it safe. For the longest time, I was really afraid of showing my whole self to the world. For whatever reason, I don't know if I was afraid of judgment, or just, you know, people saying like, Who does she think she is, or I don't really know, but I was really always afraid of that. And not too long ago, I just kind of told myself, you know that this is your calling. If you're going to do it, let's do it. So that's what I'm most proud of professionally, what I'm most proud of personally, is allowing myself to be open to love again, wow, that I can't even really say it without getting teary eyed, was not is not has not been easy. So I'm really proud of that.

Jen Amos: 22:54

I'm proud of you. Thank you, you know, that just reminds me of when we lost my dad, my mom for a whole decade just sort of let go. Like she fell into gambling and weight gain. And it was a hard time for our family. And I'm not the oldest, but I'm the eldest daughter and I was sort of the receiving end of, you know, whatever. She wanted to project something on someone. And my younger sister was always what I considered the golden child, like, my mom never got mad at her or anything. But you know, it really took her. It really took her seven years. I remember like, because I think I counted like it took her seven years before she started dating again. And let me tell you, I was not happy about that. But eventually in time, I got to realize I was like, I was like, You know what someone needs to take care of mom, you know, someone needs to love mom. And I'm not going to fill in that that role, obviously for her. I can't protect her forever. I can't say that she's mine. And you know, this person will never replace dad. Like I just had to let it be. And so I'm just so proud of her too, that she was able to find love again. I mean, she tried a couple times. And now I think she's got one down. But overall, I'm just I'm happy that she did that, despite everything. And so I appreciate you sharing that because given your background, it could be you very easily could be like nope, like, I'm not gonna go down like that path again. But it must be very fruitful, as you were saying earlier about, like just embracing the hard emotions because it's very rewarding later, not right away, but later. It's very rewarding. And it sounds like you know you trusting yourself and having faith in yourself to love again has been a rewarding experience for you so far.

: 24:37

It's been so rewarding. I was chuckling to myself when you said how you weren't really enthusiastic about when your mom started dating because I dealt with that with my oldest daughter. I mean, I mean, I hid it from her them but my son was younger for quite some time until I knew like oh Mari is the one and she was not happy with me. But we are in a completely different place now. So I get it. I mean, she especially Alexis, we've been through so so much together. And I think at the end of the day, she just didn't ever want to see her mom hurt or struggle again. So I can understand where that was probably coming from.

Jen Amos: 25:24

Yeah, it was definitely that territorial, like, no, like, you're gonna be around you need to be around forever.

Unknown Speaker: 25:32

Exactly.

Jen Amos: 25:33

Yeah. Like Jen, I really enjoyed our conversation today. Before we go, do you have any closing thoughts for our listeners?

: 25:40

I think the only other thing I just want to mention is a mantra that I really kind of try to live my life by, and this has just come in the very recent last couple of years, is to never say never. I have said never, this will never happen, that will never happen so many times. And now I'm just really trying to be open to whatever possibilities come my way and really just embrace them with open arms. It's so much easier said than done. But never say never.

Jen Amos: 26:19

Yeah, no, I love it. It's like it's okay to give yourself another chance. And it's okay to be open to the possibilities and to not let your past define your future, or hold you back from you know, your future and living in the present. Well, Jen, again, I've really enjoyed our conversation today. It's refreshing. I feel like in a bittersweet, but beautiful way to speak with another Gold Star family members. So thank you for being on our show. This will be provided in the show notes. Why don't you tell people verbally how people can find you online?

: 26:51

Sure, they can find me at my website at Jennifer blue.com. They can also find me on Facebook or Instagram coach Jennifer blue, and I'm also on LinkedIn.

Jen Amos: 27:01

Perfect and just for our listeners, if you want to spell out Jennifer's last name, that's b a l l o u so again, that's Jennifer blue.com, where you can find her on Facebook or Instagram at coach Jennifer blue. Jen, thanks so much for joining us. It's been an absolute pleasure having you here today.

Unknown Speaker: 27:18

Thank you so much for having me. And with

Jen Amos: 27:21

that said to our listeners, we hope that you got one more piece of knowledge, resource or relevant story today so that you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. With that said, thank you so much for listening, and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.