107: “With no understanding of what being a military spouse was going to be like, I had to learn to reach out, network and be self sufficient.” MilSpouseFest with Julie P. Shepard

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort podcast. I sound like a broadcaster there just now That was funny. I'm Jen Amos, your writer and co host. And of course, as always, I have my co host, Jenny Lynch tube with me. active duty military spouse for 12 plus years mom of two boys mental health advocate. Genuine Welcome back.

Speaker 1 0:18

Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here today. Looking forward to this conversation.

Jen Amos 0:23

Yes, and I am as well, because we have been in talks of bringing this organization onto our show for some time now. So let's just go ahead and jump into it. We have with us, the director of male spouse fast, Julie shepherd. Julie, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 0:38

Thanks so much. I'm really happy to be here and talk with everyone today.

Jen Amos 0:41

Yeah, absolutely. And so genuine. Just real quickly, give us some background on what compelled you to bring Julie onto our show. I know there was a lot going on. And from what I understand, Julie is the new director of mill spouse fest. So give us a little context for our listeners to know kind of like what had to be done to lead up to this conversation.

Speaker 1 0:59

se fest was as an attendee in: 2019

Jen Amos 2:11

Yeah. And so Julie, welcome to hold down the fort, as we mentioned, and tell us a little bit about your background and being the new director of Mills spouse Fest, what were you kind of doing pre meal spouse Fest, and now, you know, as a director of sales process.

Speaker 2 2:25

was also in San Diego, but in: 2018

Jen Amos 4:07

Yeah, well, thank you for the background and the introduction. It sounds like you are just absolutely invested in our community. And do you have anything to say about just being a spouse for 25 years? I mean, has it felt like that long? Are you surprised it's been 25 years? I'm just curious, like, you know, I mean, I feel like genuinely, like halfway there if she if her and Matthew decided to stay in for that long, but like any thoughts or reflections on just your time as a military spouse?

Speaker 2 4:33

So when I first got together and my husband, we got married, it was a while ago, and he got orders to go to Japan. And we were engaged and we weren't sure when we were going to get married. And he said, he called me up. I was in college. He said, If I have to go to Japan, will you still marry me? And I said, Of course I will still marry you. So I wasn't finished with my degree. And I had to move over to Japan and I had to figure out Through the University of Maryland, Asian division college, how to finish the 18 credits. So it took me 18 months to fit to finish all 18 of those credits. We were pretty young when we got together and we didn't have kids for another six years. So I don't know, does it feel long, some days it feels very. And other days, it's like that feels like that just happened yesterday. But my little tip about that is like I could make it through that tour. I was 23 years old, living in Japan. And my service member was forward deployed. And I was there for one month. And he went out on deployment. And I lived out in town in an apartment by myself. So everything every tour after that was easy.

Jen Amos 5:44

Wow. Which part of Japan did you live in because I was born in Yokosuka, Japan. And that was like a special place for me. I think like even living off base in the apartment. And, you know, just enjoying kind of the Japanese culture out there. I mean, everything but I'm curious which part of Japan you lived in.

Speaker 2 5:59

So we were stationed there twice. The first time we were at at tsugi. And he was with one of the squadrons on the air wing. And we were there for 18 months lived in three places in 18 months. That was fun. The second time we went back, we were on Yokosuka. So I really enjoyed our time there. I took Japanese through the University of Maryland Asian division, I traveled around quite a bit. So going back the second time, even though I had to under three, when we got there, it didn't feel as difficult because I knew the country and the culture. So it was really able to experience it and travel with the kids.

Jen Amos 6:35

I love that I feel like for me at that time, I was probably eight or nine years old when we were living off base and I cycled, like from our apartment all the way to on base like on my own. And it never crossed my mind to be afraid for my life. And I remember like cycling kind of like our bikes, I guess. I don't know if you call it cycling, if it's like a little bicycle for a kid. But like I remember kind of like going over the railroads and like through the tunnels, like the long tunnels under the mountains. But it just didn't cross my mind to be afraid, you know, and so I definitely have a lot of pleasant memories from you know, being in Yokosuka, Japan. So I think that's really cool that you were stationed there twice.

Speaker 2 7:10

Yeah, my youngest doesn't remember because he was two and a half when we moved back to the States, but my oldest does. And you know, they still talk about like, Hello Kitty and some of the other stuff we've talked about maybe going over there. Hello Kitty land.

Jen Amos 7:27

Oh, man, I love it.

Speaker 1 7:29

I found it fascinating that Julie said anything after 23. Living alone in Japan felt easy. It caused me to pause and think about if I had the same view on having been a military spouse for 12 years, if after our first year everything felt easier. I was like, Huh, I don't know that I would have the same story. Although I will say our first year was one that was a lot of I mean, in a lot of ways, some things after all these years since after first year, Matthew left on our first wedding anniversary for pretty much four years straight. So you know, I had a four month old and you know, he left and did OCS and then training and then under ways and then deployment and then deployment. And so we really spent kind of the first five years of our marriage not together. And so in some ways, it's been easier after that, and other ways. You know, there are things have definitely been harder than that first year where we were just gearing up for stuff, right? Like when we were actually in this stuff, it felt more difficult. But I think that's great, Julie, that you think that living in an apartment in Japan at 23 made the other things easier to handle

Speaker 2 8:39

is what I mean is that I had really no understanding of what it was going to be like to be a military spouse and not having the support and understanding of resources that I had to learn and reach out and do my own networking to be self sufficient. is what really more I meant about everything else was easy, like and then I had a little bit more of a baseline of what to expect.

Speaker 1 9:08

Oh, for sure. Yes, absolutely. In that context for sure. The longer we've been in and the more resources that have been available, definitely in many ways and community, which is what you do at Mills boss fest. So Well, I mean, community is huge. And having you know, I'm sure smoothing over at 23. And not knowing anybody like oh, and now you like run the largest like military spouse group, probably. And also run male spouse best like community is huge for this lifestyle. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 9:36

absolutely. And that's exactly why we have male spouses is a great segue, Jenny, talk about our events. So Dude, I can I know.

Jen Amos 9:47

Yeah. And then one thing I just want to add is I I just want to kind of put emphasis on sort of that like a rite of passage, a military spouse right to like, realize, like, Oh, I have to be self sufficient. But I don't have to do this life alone. Right? And so here we are now talking about male spouse fast and really emphasizing the value of community building like what Jenny Lynn and I always talk about on the show, you know, hence why, you know, we have you on here, Julie. So, you know, for me only hearing about this through what genuine has told me and what I've looked up online. I'm just really excited now to, you know, hear directly from you, Julie, and more about Mills, fast, fast, and all the exciting events that are taking place in the upcoming weeks. So let's go ahead and dive into that. And I'm actually curious on this end, because apparently, I think like when you guys first started, you recalled a military one click and I know that you're the new director now. But can you tell us a little bit about the founding of military spouse best having started as military one click?

: 10:38

Right. So back in our early days, when I was not associated with them, this was founded by military spouses essentially sitting around a kitchen table with an idea about how to connect spouses to the resources that they need to help be successful. So that hence the military one clip, he was one click, and you can find what you need. After a while, they decided, oh, let's have a male spouse fest. So then they had military one click was putting on male spouse best, the founder had decided to sell off the business several years ago, we've been bought and sold a few times right now we are owned by recurrent ventures. They are a media brand. And jennylyn knows that because she's friends with the editor of task and purpose, who we do a lot of work with. So I'm really thrilled to be with recurrent and see where we can go taking our modern network for military spouses and moving that into more of a digital space, taking the lessons we've learned from COVID, and our virtual events, and really being able to create a really good solid product for 2022. So stay tuned for what's coming up next. But what we're talking about right now is our in person events, we're really excited to be going back in person for our first in person events since COVID. That's going to be September 16. at the Sheraton waterside right here in Norfolk, Virginia, where right and Jenny Linds in my backyard. So we have two events that day 9am and 5pm. And you know what, it's free, it's free for military spouses to attend. So we offer fun friendship, fellowship, and food and lots of free prizes.

Jen Amos: 12:22

I love it. I'm curious to know why you chose two different times for the day like 9am and 5pm. Yeah, I'm just kind of curious to know on why you guys chose to do that, as opposed to, let's say, like an all day event.

: 12:33

So we really like to capture all parts of the segment of the middle spouse community. And we know that there's folks that work, and they won't be able to attend unless we offer an evening event. And then there's other folks that have kids in school, and they want to be able to come when their kids are in school. And just a side note, we are an inclusive group. So we're for all military spouses, whether you have kids don't have kids, man, woman, non binary, all of it.

Jen Amos: 13:00

I love that. And I think one thing I'm most excited about too, is the fact that it is in Norfolk, Virginia, considering how my husband and I have lived in virginia beach for about two and a half years. And if anyone listened to a previous episode on hold down, before I gave my recent keynote speech about how I'm technically homeless right now, my life's gonna be next. I know, I do know, I do know, and our listeners are in for a treat for that. But there's a high probability I plan on visiting you guys on the day of Mills house fast, which I'm, you know, really excited about. But really cool to know that, you know, for a community that it seems like a lot of the work we do is virtual, or through zoom, which I feel like, you know, when COVID happened, we didn't really skip a beat, it seemed like we all were doing just fine, in a sense, except for maybe dealing with kids at home, and because they couldn't go to school. But other than that, you know, I'm just excited to do something in person and see, you know, all of you guys in person, and, you know, share that communal spirit in person as opposed to doing it in these online groups and all and what have you all the time. Gentlemen, I wanted to ask your opinion, like, you know, what are you most excited about, I think for doing this in person event, considering how, as I mentioned earlier, you know, especially during COVID, a lot of what we have been doing for community building has been online.

: 14:07

Yeah. And I'm really looking forward to this one because it's in my backyard, like Kelly said to it offers me an opportunity to work with my co and veterans network colleagues, because it's in Virginia Beach, I get to work with the Virginia Beach coding clinic staff for work standpoint. And I just, I mean, I just love people. There's very rarely a time when I don't really enjoy being in community and meeting new people. And on that, like I just want to share Juli talked about how mill spouse fest is all inclusive, the one that I attended in person in San Diego, the very best story for me that came out of that one is that when they asked a question or something about you know, How'd you find out about male spouse best What brought you here today, and the lone male in the room, raised his hand and said these ladies Brought me I was their Uber driver. And they were telling me where I was taking them. And I told them, I was a military spouse. And so they invited me to join them. And so here's this Uber driver, who's a military spouse, you know, doing his like, you know, second job or whatever, who got invited by other military spouses to come and join the fun. And I just think that's not only the spirit of mill spouse Fest, but like the spirit of military spouse community in general. And it just made me so extraordinarily happy like to hear that story. So for any men listening, that are military spouses, you are in fact very welcome. Even if you are the Uber driver, who happens to be driving some women to the Norfolk Sheraton, or any of the other in person events, please, please come.

: 15:48

Awesome. Thank you, Jenny, for sharing that story. That is fantastic. Can I share a couple of other things we've got like in the hopper, Yes, please. So I don't know whether you guys get our newsletter or not. But we brought on a brand new digital media manager, and we are working on a campaign to rename our newsletter, and that is actually going out, and tomorrow night's edition, and we're giving away a prize that's sponsored by our riveter for their Naomi clutch. So you got to read our newsletter, you can go on to male spouse fest calm and take a look at that. So I'm excited to see the direction we're going in there. And tagging on to that which is going to lead us into our conversation about our virtual events that we're still holding, is that we are focusing in October on military spouse employment and careers. Because we all know, this is one of the most important issues for military spouses. So it's near and dear to my heart. And that's our focus for our October event, which is October 5, so we still have plenty of spots left to sign up for that day.

Jen Amos: 16:56

Awesome, fantastic. I love how you guys have so much going on. And you're really, you know, stand true to what you do, which is really providing resources to military spouses and that community building aspect, as well. And also just a comment on what Jenny Lind shared about, you know, the spouse having happened to be male, I think that's what I love the most about the word spouse, like military spouse is that it is inclusive, like, yes, on the surface, it looks like it's a lot of women. But in reality, we've interviewed a male military spouse on the show, Matthew Shanks and his company, you know, covi, like, there's very much diversity, you know, in this community. And so I'm just glad to, you know, continue to have that kind of representation and bring light to that, that this is not just like, you know, you don't just think about a female, you know, in the spouse role, it could be a male, it could be everything else that we had kind of mentioned earlier, that just the fact that how inclusive, it is. Awesome. Well, you know, as I mentioned, it sounds like you guys are doing incredible work and continue to do so you have to tell me, Julie, there must be other upcoming events that we want our listeners to know. So feel free to share. In addition to everything you shared so far, I know that there's probably other upcoming events that you want to let our listeners know that are available to the community. So what else do we have going on with no Southwest?

: 18:06

We have a really busy schedule. Once we start September 16 in Norfolk, then we're October 5 is virtual, then we're in Fort Drum on October 21. And then we go to San Diego on November 19. And we finish out our year on December 9 with a virtual event.

Jen Amos: 18:23

Awesome. Oh, that's a lot genuine, right? Yeah,

: 18:28

yes, yes, I will be a part of all of those too. So I'm with Julian on all of those dates. I'm happily participating and sharing about you know, military mental health. So I love how you just kept saying the newsletter and not its name because the whole thing is it be renamed because all I can see is like the name of it in my head. I'm a newsletter subscriber. But I will say that if you are not a newsletter subscriber, it is probably one of the most fun that I get because not only does it announce like upcoming mill spouse best stuff, there's like this weekend history that's always full of random, super fun information that would win you Trivial Pursuit games, and just other fun things that keep the community connected. So definitely putting another plug in there for the newsletter and apparently, you can win and Iommi clutch which are awesome. I have one love it. It is one of my favorite things.

: 19:18

So there's my little tickler for the rest of the events. So our Riveters agreed to be a price sponsor for us. So that's what they're giving out for all of our events. So another reason why you need to sign up to be eligible to win prize.

Jen Amos: 19:34

So subscribe, y'all Subscribe, Subscribe, subscribe. And of course, you can learn more about Mills fast, fast on their website, no spouse fast.com to get all the details and the upcoming events. You know, for me, I'm just taking this all in and really just appreciative of the work that you're doing Julie as well as the team that moves fast, fast and it's a good reminder that there's an active community in our community that wants to help one another. I would say in a sense I said community like three times but I feel like it made sense. I like it, it gives me a sense of hope. And for this generation, I think of military families have you? I am curious to know now I want to just kind of shift here and learn a little bit more. You mentioned earlier in our conversation about how you really advocate for military kids. And having been a military kid myself for the first decade. For me, unfortunately, like in the 80s, and 90s. Like, I didn't feel like there was a lot, you know, I wasn't even aware. And I felt like my family wasn't necessarily aware of what was available. And so I'm curious to know, you know, what kind of advocacy you do, you know, for military kids today,

: 20:31

thank you. Um, it starts with a story like all good issues, right? Well, why we get involved with advocacy. So we lived in the Northern Virginia area for a good chunk of time, and we got orders to go to San Diego. So I moved with a middle schooler and a rising 10th grader. And I had not had to use the MC three, the military interstate children's compact, to get issues helped with placement, gifted education, five oh fours and special education, the whole gamut, right, and just getting classes for the high schooler. So it was very rocky. And I got more involved that military children's education piece, I'd always been involved with my school through the PTA, it was a former PTA president. And then when I moved back one year later, back to Nova, the same community to the same school. For the older one, I still had issues, getting registered, getting classes. And I'm like, if I can't figure this out, and I'm from here, then what else is going on with other people. So that's when I really got more involved at our county level, and worked with the PTA and I had the Fairfax council PTA create a military families chair position, to help work with the school leadership to work with the school board to help put supports in place with all the schools that really wanted to do this. So something special about Virginia, and other states are starting to roll this out as well, they have a purple star designation. So if your school makes a commitment, and it shows to new military families, your kids are going to feel welcome and included in our school building, when they have this purple star designation. Then we started to partner with those groups, I partnered with the military family life counselors embedded in the schools and built the network across the county to help learn from each other and provide better support. So that's what I did when I lived up there, unfortunately, haven't been able to do that down here, because now I'm working full time. So I've kind of pivoted and supporting the community more at large. But that's one of the great things about my job at male spouse fest is I can help amplify other areas of advocacy that are needed in the military family community.

Jen Amos: 22:51

I love that. I mean, the key word is advocacy, right? It's like you're doing what you need for your kids to continue to have a stable environment and have a level of consistency. And it is about you know, working at higher levels sometimes and, and what have you,

: 23:04

it's very difficult when you PCs, because you don't feel a part of your community and you don't have the resources. And so that's part of the reason why I got so involved when I lived in Nova because I was from there. And I knew that I could help lift up other people's voices, I could give a voice to them when they didn't have it. And I could help encourage them when it's okay to advocate because at some point, we get caught up in this, well, I can't say anything to the principal, I can't say anything to this person, I'm afraid. Well, your job is to advocate for your child and what your child needs in the school setting to be successful. And it's okay to speak up when those things happen.

: 23:50

Oh, man, that was definitely like preaching to my heart on that, like when you PCs, everything is new. And you have to build everything from the ground up, including community. One of the other reasons I'm so excited to be a part of the September 16 mill spouse fest event is that community like those are going to be people that literally live probably in my neighborhood, and if not in my actual neighborhood around my neighborhood. And I love my job. And I love that I get to work remotely. And also it means that I don't actually meet people in person all that often because I'm working or because I'm momming or because my husband's on sea duty and I'm doing all of that all at the same time. And so I just appreciate like you bring that to light and also reminding people that like there are these resources to help us advocate both for our kids and for ourselves. You know, this was sparked on something that is probably cut out of the podcast but you know, both Julie and I PCs within two months of each other and it takes a while to get reset up and to find those foundations and to also advocate for yourself and the things that you need. PCs. And so I'm just I'm grateful for the work you did in Northern Virginia. And I know that you're doing here in Virginia Beach, I've seen it with my own eyes on the internet, you know, helping military spouses find their voice, both for themselves and for their families.

: 25:15

Thank you. Yeah, I'm really excited to be able to build that community here in the Hampton Roads area. I don't know how long we'll be here. We never do, right. But when I go to male spouse fests, that's what I'm looking for is making new connections. Mm hmm.

Jen Amos: 25:31

Yeah. And the thing I want to add is, I really admire that hustle, Julie to again, going back to the word advocacy, if our listeners are not sick of that word already. But I think there's a hit here. But I'd like to believe that your kids will thank you in the future, you know, because I think about like my own experience, and how it just after a while, it just seemed like we were going through the motions. And when we transitioned out unexpectedly, I kind of stayed in that mindset of complacency. And just kind of like, again, going with the motions, like, you know, hanging out with friends that wanted to be my friend, but not actually taking the initiative, you know. And so in a way, and I've been told this through numerous sources of help that like, Oh, you know, after the military, it seemed like he started to disappear, because I guess I didn't feel like I was being advocated for it, in a sense. And so I think the fact that you are speaking up speaking out, you know, you're setting a great example for other spouses, but also for your kids to know that like, no matter the timeframe that you have somewhere, like you can ask you can you can make space for yourself, you can advocate for yourself. And so that's really, the big takeaway that I'm taking from our conversation today is just your hustle, your drive your determination, your sense of responsibility to protect your kids to create that stability, and also for the community. And so the last question I have to ask you, Julie, is what do you do for self care? After taking care of the kids after taking care of the community? What do you what do you do for yourself? That's a great question. Wegmans for coffee. Yeah.

: 26:58

We love Wegmans. We live two miles from the Wegmans when we were in Alexandria. And so Jenny knows that every week we shop at Wegmans and everyone thinks that's crazy. But I have food allergies, and gluten free and dairy free and all this other stuff. And it's just easier for me to shop there. So yes, we do love the Wegmans, I do enjoy a nice glass of wine. There you go. And it's hard right now, you know, I just don't know a lot of people and I don't have a lot of time. And you know, like Jenny, my husband's also on sea duty. So we'll just you know, this year is going to be interesting. But I love being with people. I'm an extrovert, and it's hard to be working remote and be an extrovert. And so I mean, I'm still very connected with my friends in Northern Virginia. But to your point, we're talking about let's go to my spouse best and let's see who else we're gonna meet there that day. So, yeah, I

Jen Amos: 27:55

love it. I mean, sometimes taking care of others, or creating a community for others is a form of self care, like being able to create that space. You know, we talked about on the show where, you know, even for me having these conversations with people, for the community and in the community, it's a form of self healing to know like, oh, there is a lot of support in this community. And we're really not alone. And so, you know, sometimes that self care is just being around people. And I absolutely love that. And a glass of wine is a good one as well. Even though I myself and not a wine drinker. I don't know what it is with wine, but I get hangover hungover really quickly, for some reason. But anyway, other than that, Julie, I feel like we covered a lot today in our conversation, I really want to thank you for your time. And also, even though I'm not physically there, welcome back to Virginia and welcome to Hampton Roads, and, you know, just really excited for all the events that are taking place. Any final thoughts or anything else you want to share, you know, to our community here at holding on the fort.

: 28:49

I would love to share a little teaser about our keynote speaker for in person events. And I'm super excited to announce Michelle Norman who's 2019 Navy spouse will be here. And executive director of partners and promise is going to be traveling with the middle Southwest team to all of our in person locations. So it kind of ties back to the story where we're talking about children and issues and education advocacy. How Michelle and I came to be connected is because my both of my children are twice exceptional learners. And she focuses on special education, advocacy, and military families. She helped get the bill sponsored here in Virginia, to add military spouses to the state compact State Council. Awesome.

: 29:37

jennylyn did you know about this keynote speaker I did back to back coffee, a Wegmans. That's as Julie and I do for self care sometimes. Yes. So I did and I am again, you know, looking forward to meeting her in person and creating more community there between Julie and and Michelle and the mill spouse fest team that's here. You know, grateful to continue I need to expand my network, not in a cheesy networking business II kind of way but just in a way that creates more community and more foundation for not only my own family but other military families that move to this area. And then, you know, they get to take that feel of community and resources elsewhere when they go cuz they will.

Jen Amos: 30:19

Yeah, absolutely. Wow. I feel like I got a lot from today's conversation. I feel extremely inspired and also excited to have a high probability to be there. By September 16, no promises but high probability jelly like I said, thank you so much for your time. And genuine thank you for being persistent, you know, with the mill spouse team to be able to bring Julie here today to talk about the good work that they're doing. I mean, there's a reason why it took some time to get this conversation together because you all are just on either you are just on the constant move. So we're glad to have spent a little time to discuss this and just really looking forward to sharing this with our community and hopefully getting more people to show up, be involved and feel like they have an extended family here at mill spouse fest. Alright, and with that said, Thank you all so much for joining us. Remember you can learn more about Mills process at mill spouse fest calm. It'll also be provided in the show notes here for you on this episode. And we appreciate you all thank you for listening and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Till next time.