116: "It's hard to feel like you're taking care of the family when you are not the breadwinner." Exploring post-military life as a male military spouse with Keith Hayden

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host Jenn emos. And as always, I have my amazing co host with me, genuine strip. Gentlemen, welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:12

Hey, glad to be here.

Jen Amos 0:13

Yes, and I'm excited because I'm bringing on someone new this time. Normally it's you. That's bringing someone new. And lately I've been bringing people back like past guest from our show to be here. But I am super stoked to be bringing on veteran military spouse, and what I'm describing as multi passionate author and podcaster. Keith hated. Keith actually was introduced to me through my husband, Scott, we're gonna have a lot to say about that. Because our last conversation, which I can't even believe was weeks ago, I think went on for like over an hour. Yeah, but Keith, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 0:48

Thank you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate you taking the time to let me talk to you.

Jen Amos 0:54

Yeah, and of course, we appreciate you waking up super early over there in Japan right now, to be able to join our conversation.

Speaker 2 1:02

I have a cup of coffee yet. Like you're really you're really in it this morning.

Speaker 1 1:07

Yeah, you know, it's one of those things that you get, you just have to get used to that you're gonna be on other people's schedule, most of the time when you live over here. So just the way it goes.

Jen Amos 1:17

Yeah, like no joke on my phone in the clock app. I have like seven different time zones on there. Just so I know if people are awake or not. I'm like, Oh, you know, if I'm talking to someone, like one of my colleagues for a nonprofit is like trying to follow like India time. And I'm just like, Oh my gosh, I just like a huge difference. And then I speak to someone in Thailand. And that's like an 11 hour difference for my you know, timezone here and the East Coast or in these customer jennylyn. And I and so, I don't know, I guess there's just a military life thing.

Speaker 1 1:47

I just have to get used to it. And you know, I can talk more about it later. But yeah, it's just part of the life, you know, getting used to what time is it at home? What time is it there? You know, just to coordinate to do anything? You have to keep track of it?

Jen Amos 2:02

Yeah, absolutely. So Keith, like I mentioned, I'm really happy to have you as part of our conversation today, because of how you got here. So you actually read I think all three of my husband's books. So tell us a little bit about that. Like, actually, let's start with that. How did you come across this book?

Speaker 1 2:21

Yeah, so really, I attended one of those webinars for military spouses. And we had just gotten out here to Japan, we just PCs I got a month and a half ago. So though, had this military spouse theme for like entrepreneurship, and I had been thinking about expanding some of my online efforts into more of a business type setting. So a business type things I was like, Okay, this is thing about business and entrepreneurship, that I'm a military spouse, so I should go. So that night, I don't know if you remember, but I stayed up until like, 2am, Japan time, I remember. And my wife was like, I shouldn't go to bed, you got to eat something first, are you gonna stay to us like to stay up? So I tend to that, and then after you were like, oh, we're gonna send out, you know, supplementary materials, the book and one of them was the book. So a couple weeks later, the book came in, and I just attacked it. I think it was the veteran love secrets book. And yeah, the biggest one, and yeah, it was it was pretty beefy. And I got through that in like, three or four days.

Jen Amos 3:25

I can't even.

Speaker 1 3:26

It's amazing. Yeah. And it was just like, it was really a wake up call for me. And it was really like I was in a place to where I was already getting ready to do a lot of the things that Scott talked about in his book, but that was just kind of the catalyst. Okay, let's get after it. Let's start making some. And then of course, that led to the conversation. And then now I'm here. So

Jen Amos 3:46

yeah. Oh, for sure. I love that. And part of it is because I was part of the writing process for Scott to get this book together. And there was so many times in our experiences, you know, here we are, I think like three to five bucks later, where there was always sort of this self doubt that I feel like he sort of had, because, you know, when you're, at least in his case, and this is just coming from my own perspective, like watching him be a veteran watching him just feel alone, you know, in life, especially because he was often in Navy towns. And as an army guy, he always felt like that outlier, you know, in a sense. And so for him to have, you know, shared this feeling of like, finding your purpose, like we often talk about that for veterans about finding your purpose, but there's actually like a vulnerability to admitting that that you know, you're in your second leg of life in a way and you have to start over you have to start a new career, you have to start a new sense of self and it's difficult and so it was interesting, watching him or being with him to write that book. And so it means a lot to you know, hear that you read it and oh my goodness, three to four days. I mean, I don't read anything that long in that many days, so I have to give it to you. But I just want to say kudos to you and to have read it that quickly. And to, you know, have that book, in a sense be the catalyst for you to be like, Okay, I gotta do this. I got to commit to this.

Speaker 1 5:05

Sure, sure. And I'll speak to that. So belt piece, because that's what really resonated me about the book like, yeah, this guy has so much experience within the financial sector. And he could have easily just any probably has written a book just about his financial tools and his knowledge, things like that. But he took the time to write really to us veterans to say, he knows the struggle, like you said, like, you when you get out, and you're not in the place where you used to be where you have your bank, you have your duty title, you don't know what to do. So for me, that really spoke to me, like the avoiding apathy, the really trying to find your purpose, find the people who you were meant to serve in the way that you can serve them. I was right there. I was right there with them. I'm like, man, not only that I live this, but I'm getting towards the end of it. Like this has been years long process for me. But yeah, you guys wrote an excellent book. So I appreciate that.

Jen Amos 6:03

Yeah, no, for sure. And it's great to hear that feedback. Because I think it's affirmation for Scott to know that he's headed in the right direction.

Speaker 2 6:09

I am equally as impressed that you read half the book on finances in three to four days, I can blow through a fiction book in that amount of time. But something that actually requires like thought and processing probably not going to do especially finance, there's a reason I was a marketing major in business school and

Jen Amos 6:29

journalism, I only had to take a statistics class and I had to take it twice. Because the first class I got a C minus. And then in order to pass, I had to get a C, so I retook it, I got a C and I was like, I'm done. I'm going to grammar, spelling, etc, etc. But anyway,

Speaker 2 6:42

that's how I felt about accounting, I may or may not have taken accounting more than once. Because marketing is fun and pretty in accounting is not. So kudos to you. I mean, I'm curious, like, what was your biggest as a veteran of the military spouse? Like, what was your biggest takeaway? My husband's active duty, and he's five years from retirement mark, not that he's necessarily getting out in five years. But we have that option. Yeah. What was your you know, what was your biggest takeaway? And what do you wish you knew before you got out to, you know, now, like, post reading the book?

Speaker 1 7:14

Yeah, that's it. I appreciate that question. I think the biggest takeaway is knowing that you're probably not going to be able to transfer your financial situation, one to one, like you think, and because that's what we're all told, right, you know, go on LinkedIn. This is the story that Scott tells and that I was told, frankly, you know, go on LinkedIn, put your resume. All these headhunters, I don't know if that's what they're called. That's what I call them. When these headhunters are coming after you like, oh, you're young officer, you're getting out, come talk to our company. And I interviewed that a couple of these companies and med tech sales and all that stuff. And these, you know, big ticket companies. But the really, the financial picture doesn't just translate, especially when you take an account, all of your benefits, your life insurance, your you know, commentary, BSB, h Cola, all that good stuff that doesn't exist outside of the military. And it's hard to get that out of your head, when that's all you've known, you know, like, I grew up military. So my parents went to military and Air Force Academy, and then, you know, eight years active duty and and now I'm a military spouse. So I've kind of seen a lot of the whole spectrum, and it just doesn't work that way. And the other big takeaway I took was that, you have to think not just about the financial piece, but really that emotional, spiritual, whatever it is for you. That piece is so important, because you will get confused the moment you take the uniform off and put on whatever you put on. You have been indoctrinated into this club, which is the military club, and nobody else knows that club outside of the military. And I live that and we moved to California after I got out. I was like, I've never lived in California before. A lot of people in California. I mean, y'all know, I've been there. Jim was in San Diego, people. I mean, in San Diego in certain towns, they do understand the military, but when we were living in Northern California, Sacramento area, they were like military What? You know, those 911 days are long gone. That's 20 his ancient history to some of these people and not just younger people that they don't understand that military experience. So it's you're not going to get that oh, you know, you'll get a thank you for your service a quick Yeah, yeah, whatever. But they really don't understand what it's like to be in serve and and get out and then come at a different angle. So yeah, long answer to a short question. But yeah, that mindset piece, not only what job am I going to do, but who do I want to be? Where who are the type of people that I want to speak to? That's so important to have planted?

Speaker 2 9:47

Now I love that you brought up that one to one thing, it's interesting, we are back at my hometown I grew up well sort of I grew up in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia and we're now here again, which is much cheaper than where we were living in San Diego with super but like even in that I mean that that one to one thing I think about we were stationed in Manhattan for three years and so we did not live in Manhattan because Manhattan but even still, you know I think about I took a short term part time job with a nonprofit up there that they would like loved having somebody military affiliated obviously fill. But to your point, like, couldn't get any young officer that was just retired or even young and listen because they could not as military nonprofit, they couldn't afford the same pay level that people were coming out at. And everybody with all that leadership experience was I mean, quite honestly a little overqualified.

: 10:46

Absolutely, yeah. That is a huge issue and you're not ready You know, you don't understand because you've just been progressing up this you know, ladder in the military weights design, but then when you get out, it's like, well, I was Captain, I should come in as a product manager, project manager at this mid level, but they don't really see it that way. You know, like in my career field, which is law enforcement, Special Investigations. Like if I wanted to continue doing that I would have had to start completely at the bottom again, FBI training if I wanted to go FBI or whatever, so I knew that coming out and I was like, I'm 30 whatever years old, I'm not going back to be a grumpy and sucking wind and dirt and all that stuff like already done that, like plenty of times like so you have to face this decision, right? Do I like completely start low or not just paid but just like position wise, or do I just bounce and just Okay, I'm gonna find something else and that unchartered path. I have walked, kind of straddled both in my time since I've been out. It's rough either way.

: 11:51

Welcome to the world of the military. You are I mean, I think about my time in Manhattan, and we're, you know, post two back to back deployments had two toddlers, I'd given up a teaching job because who can afford to license in every state, you know, was so grateful to do this part time short term, you know, nonprofit gig because it was something that I mean, they're chronically underemployed for some level of skill. And even that, like to your point of, you have to know who you are because the transition out like you were whomever like Captain so and so doing so and so, you know, doing these things. And, you know, and I'm sure you've seen on the military spouse side, like, I came into the military spouse world with a master's in a real full time job, I had my own house, I had my own car, I paid my bills, and then we up and move, and none of that holds anymore. So what do you what do you do?

: 12:50

Yeah, yeah. And you have to be okay, yeah, and I like that. Because on some level, you have to be okay with starting over almost every time. And whatever it is, it may not even be a PCs, it just may be a lengthy deployment or something, or some type of situation that takes them away, or just long hours. You know, like I know, around here, I know one of the initial, I don't want to still dim thunder, but I remember she asked one of the questions in the emails before the interview, and it was like, how do you hold down before you know, I find myself doing all this stuff that I never thought I would be. Okay, this is gonna be an interesting story. But we're in California, my wife she has sustained for chinchillas I don't know if y'all know what it's in Chili's. Yes. This firm, right. So we had a job we had sandling can bring to Japan because they don't, they don't like things that look like rats. Yeah, I don't know. That's the thing. Okay. But we had this until and I became the caretaker of this chinchilla. You know, because I'm a military spouse, I'm at home, and she's working all day. And so like, I'm sweeping up chinchilla poo, I'm cleaning to chill the cages, what I look like and never even know what one looked like, until she was like, Oh, can we get this? I was like, What is that? I don't know what that is. So and then. So for two and a half years, while we were living in California, I took care of the state. And that's just one of the many tasks that you know, and you as a mother, and you know, like that in itself. Apparently, we don't have kids. But I mean, just taking care of the home and doing the things that they can't do. While you're there. You're just they're just things just default to you. Whether it's cooking, cleaning, holding down for doing Yeah, especially the stuff that they don't have time to do that they cannot do but needs to get done. All those daily things. So that's the life. Absolutely.

Jen Amos: 14:51

I'm curious to know Keith, you know, since you have transitioned from being a service member to a military spouse, like have you connected with the military spouse community because you know gentlemen I know it's a huge communities, especially Facebook groups organizations, you know what have you has Have you decided to be invested in in the military spouse community since you've transitioned,

: 15:12

I'll be honest, I have not really like deeply dipped my toe in and well not dip my toe and I haven't like jumped in completely. And that was because when we were in California, you know, we were stateside, so it was a little bit easier. It was just like, okay, she goes to work in and then I was teaching at the time, same thing when I was teaching but it was COVID. So So didn't really have anywhere to go. So I wasn't like going out I didn't really have a vacation to bump into people I didn't definitely didn't run into any other military spouses. But I will say that I have joined this group of I forget the name of the group, but its military spouse students or something they called them then they have one this this really cute over here in Okinawa, they call it man pendant, hashtag made pendant. And I do like I'm on their Facebook group, and I do talk to them. And actually, when I found out that I was going to be a guest on this podcast, I kind of hit them up and was like, Hey, you know, I'm gonna be on this podcast, what do you guys think? or whatever, and just got some feedback from them just about like, being a male military spouse, obviously, you know, like, elephant in the room. Not a lot of us when it comes to when you crunch the numbers just by the numbers. Yeah. And that experience definitely affects how we engage with the military spouse community as a whole because it is majority from them. And I've gotten used to that, you know, having a teaching background, of course, you know, teachings very female dominant. So I'm used to move into those spaces, but I just haven't been here a month and a half. And I haven't really done it locally. But yeah, online. I've done a little bit.

: 16:58

And you have a whole room unpacked, I'm very impressed. Like I see zero box. Super good job that's holding down the fort.

: 17:06

I'm super proud of that. Because I just told you when we first talked a couple weeks ago, my wife was very sick. So when we moved from the base, because over here in Japan, y'all COVID is still is still out there is still a lot of stuff. So there's a lot of restrictions. When we got here, we want a two week quarantine, just to get off base to do our house hunting or whatever. And then we move to this place, and then that's when my wife is sick. So not only am I taking care of her, but our place, we just got my household goods, like that day and she's like, I need to go to sleep, I need to rest. And so for three or four days straight, your boy was on his feet. And it was really hard. I mean, when you spend 34 hours just back and forth unpacking boxes or wrapping unwrapping a little paper. Yeah, like a Japanese style. No, y'all have y'all ever

Jen Amos: 17:59

been to Japan? I was I was born in Japan. So I Oh, that's right. That's okay. Yeah, yeah.

: 18:03

Yeah. So they have these bathroom rooms where the whole room you know, you can just shower them, whatever. Yeah, there's a tub. And I filled the tub full of the PCs packing paper and it reached a ceiling. I had to sit on it to compress it so it wouldn't like touch the ceiling. So I could like put more paper on it. And I have a whole bathrooms basically full of boxes, even.

Jen Amos: 18:25

You know, that's one thing I have to say. I forgot and miss about Japan is how spacious the bathrooms actually get compact like Japan is in general, like you have that whole like jacuzzi space. And it's so funny because like, you know, Americans who see this jacuzzi thing, they'll think, Oh, I have to treat it like a Jacuzzi. But it's like, No, you go in there to soak, soak your body. And then you know, like actually first you shower and then you go in there to like soak. You know, like there's a whole thing around, just washing your body in Japan, which is actually quite fascinating. But that, like that is so funny that you ended up you know, temporarily using your bathroom

Unknown Speaker: 19:03

was a storage room. It was no longer a bathroom.

Jen Amos: 19:07

Yeah, no, I love that. And I have to say, and I have to say this almost shamefully. You know, Keith, like you are literally the second male military spouse we've had, like on the show, and Jenny Lind didn't get a chance to interview the first one with me. So knowing that there's a hashtag men dependent out there, and that you're part of a men's group, hook us up, if any of them feel like coming on and sharing their story like because their stories are just as valid genuinely and can share the statistics of what how many military spouses are actually in the military community. So I can only imagine that that small percentage is of male spouses

: 19:45

say if I represent a quarter of 1% Keith is probably like, point two 5% of a quarter. Yeah, I think yeah. I've met a handful that I can think of, like you are prior, you know, military themselves.

: 20:08

Yeah, that's a lot of their stories is that they think got out, they were in, and then their spouse or partner, wife or whatever, decided to either go in after they got out or as they were already in, or they were in together and one got out early. So yeah, it's that experience that and I, when I talk to the guys sometimes, and it's interesting about this group, because I, when I first got on there earlier this year, the issues range, you know, from like, okay, the very silly system names or whatever to like, really serious issues about guys, you know, asking, like, I don't know how to do this, this is hard. And of course, it comes from the expectation of, you know, we're men, you know, like we're, most of us were brought up to be providers to be in for the minimum for our families. And I know, I was, you know, I'm from Texas, South, and southern kind of upbringing. And it's like, you take care of your family. And it's hard to feel like you're doing that when you are not the breadwinner, when you are not the one where, okay, we're following me around, you know, you got to kind of make yourself okay with that, and including a lot of aspects of military life, but I think this is something for me, I'm not gonna speak to the other guys. But for me that I know, that's something that I've had to really deal with it. And I know, some of the other guys have to because I've seen the comments in the group, but they're all committed. I mean, that's one things I love about the group, too, is very little drama. You know, we're guys, so we come in and love it every job or comment, and it's like, Okay, what about this, okay, nobody says that, whatever, okay, then you come back, and do the same thing, maybe a couple weeks later. But all by and large is very supportive. I mean, even some people will come and talk about some taboo things or whatever. Some people will, you know, express their opinions, but it's generally out of respect. And I feel like it is a good place. So, you know, I don't know if there's any man pendants, listening to this. But if you are, I tell you find those Facebook groups, or if there's one locally, that's your base station, or whatever, you know, they'll sniff it out and see, because it's good to have that support, just to know that there's other guys going through it, and really trying to navigate to life and be the best partners, military spouses, you know, some of them are entrepreneurs, other podcasters I mean, these people have these lives. But I think what they feel the most is that, of course, it's hard to get a voice in the military spouse community, like proper. So I guess, I've read many accounts over the months that I've been on the group of guys that have been trying to join the military spouse club, or whatever, at their base, or their unit or whatever. And it's mixed results. Sometimes these are accepted fully by other military spouses, mostly female, but sometimes they're not sometimes they get run out, or sometimes certain things happen. And circumstances vary. But it is a different experience. And I think it's, it's interesting to feel that as a, as a male spouse in the community. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 23:19

Yeah, as you're talking, Keith, I just want to thank you, you know, for just how candid you are with sharing this. You know, as I mentioned, the majority of our guests have been, you know, female spouses, if anything. And so for you to just share your story so openly, I really appreciate it. And also, I know that it's not a surprise, because you are a fellow podcaster. Like you, you've done a couple of shows. And so I think what would be fun for our listeners now is to get a snapshot of your life, like since you've transitioned and you know, as you are in this space of wanting to network and so tell us a little bit about the podcast shows that you've done already. Oh, my life? Yes, cuz we were talking offline, you know, that, you know, we were just this is why I wanted to describe you as multi passionate because you know, you're at this time in space where you're doing everything in anything. And I was kind of jokingly saying, I'll find that my husband was very much like that when we first met him. And, you know, five years into working together, it's only now that we're starting to really hone in on what we're actually talking about who we're actually talking to. But this was like five years in the making of us together. And this was not even counting the years before I met him so I can only imagine like, like, I think I think the season of your life right now is worth sharing and, and also validating because we need the we need this time to explore a lot of things, right?

: 24:39

Yeah. Yeah. And I'll say this next week is my 10 out of the military bursary. I don't know if that's Yeah. I don't know your transition bursary. I'll be five years out next year or next week. And yeah, it's been a road. It's been a road. So initially Ah yeah, so it started, I wanted to be a freelance Spanish interpreter. Now I know that sounds random. But if I take it back, I'm really passionate about foreign languages. foreign languages are kind of my thing. I'm I majored in, we didn't have a foreign language major at the Air Force Academy, but we had what's called foreign area studies. So that's what I majored in. And it's kind of like poly sigh with like, cultural areas sprinkled on top. So mine was Asia Minor in Japanese. I took Japanese at the Academy. So after I got out, I was like, Man, I'm moving to California. They speak a lot of Spanish there. I'm trying to become an interpreter. So I did that for a few years. And I kind of hit a wall there because it's really hard to like, become like certified. And my goal was to be court interpreter. It's really hard to certify just like a lot of things are in California, things are just harder, because it's California, because they can't you know,

Jen Amos: 26:00

it's just too hard. I guess, you know, I appreciate you saying that, because I feel like since I've been in the East Coast for the last three years, I'm like, wow, like people are nicer here. Like feeling out here. Like people are more forgiving of gates gaining weight out here. You know, like California, like when I last visited, you know, in August, it was like, I remember feeling so uptight. Again. Like I literally, like picked out my wardrobe, because I knew that my friends just had this habit of pulling out their phones, and unapologetically taking pictures. But anyway, I hear you in the difficulty of California, and I'm sure Jalen can add to that as well.

: 26:33

Yeah, Kelly life, you know, I feel like I don't know what it is about it over there. But becoming a teacher over there was a process too. So that's what I did next round 2018. I was like, This isn't working, I'm kind of stuck. And then at that time, right, I'm going through this middle circle back at the beginning, we talked about that identity, talking about like being lost, I went through that, at that time I was going through. So I went back to teaching because when I first got out, like immediately after I got out, I went back to San Antonio. And I actually became an avid tutor. So this is a type of tutor that basically prepares kids for college. You know, it just gives them an opportunity to get tutored in certain classes and pushes them towards college. So I did that at my old high school. And I was like, You know what, I kind of liked this teaching thing. And so I put it in the back of my mind, I was like file away for for later. So that I visited it in 2018. So I decided to go back, got my teaching credential and became math teacher. But of course, as what happens in most people's story COVID COVID. So for me, my COVID story is I was actually in my teaching credential program. And I was doing my student teaching at a middle school in my town where we used to live. And so I remember the day after my birthday, which is in March, that was when we hit the lockdown. That was like the day after I remember the kissing Happy birthday to me. And that was the last time I saw that is the cut off my program. So of course my program i'd hadn't finished, had to go through all this thing. And then the state of California ended up saying, Okay, if you're at this point in your credential, you can do this, you can be certified to actually teach because that was a huge concern. So I ended up getting a job at a high school in Sacramento. And yeah, I taught there until we eventually PCs as what happens in the military as military spouses. And now I was like, Well, I have a state of California teaching credential, but I'm in Japan. So So as I was going, and that was my kind of professional and that's like, professional stuff, interpreting teaching. But on the side, I started to write. So back in 2017, I started getting together I was trying to write basically a field guide for learning languages because as I said, I'm a big since I got out of the Academy, I've continued to study Japanese on my own. I taught myself Spanish to fluency, including like I got a GDP in Spanish. Wow. Because I was trying to like show that I took the test entirely in Spanish and everything. Yeah, I took the DLP t to Defense Language Proficiency Test and Spanish tested at a three three. And I I never took the class in Spanish and even though I grew up in San Antonio, like I didn't grow up speaking Spanish only bad words.

Jen Amos: 29:26

Well, I can say the same living in San Diego for like 20 years. I'd never picked it up. Yeah, we were like constantly pressured to learn Spanish because I just couldn't do it. But continue.

: 29:37

Yeah, So bottom line is languages are kind of my thing. So I wanted to write like a field guide based on all of my experience, like teaching myself languages for other people. So that resulted in my first book. I have a hearing, you're not going to see it because it's podcasts right? But if you imagine that blue book cover is called the Tower of Babel and

Jen Amos: 29:58

it's we can provide in the show notes By the way, sure, yeah,

: 30:01

we'll put in the show notes. But that was my first book. And it turned out great. We didn't end up focusing until like, 2019. But yeah, I was super proud of the book. So the book came out, but I didn't really you know, I wasn't I didn't really feel like an author because I just put it out and I wasn't trying to market or anything. But then my second book came along, as you see the poster behind me, Well, once again, this podcast, you can't see. We're on video, there'll be Listen to this. Yeah. But this is my second book series. And when Nick, it's a fiction novel, a science fiction novel, about two rival oriented organizations called Sirius and limnic, that are fighting over the future of humanity, and evolution. protect people and planet. That's what they're trying to do. But they all have different ways about going about it. And it focuses on the different characters who are caught up in that conflict. And these characters, many of them true to form our military veterans or have military experience. But it's not really just a military novel. It definitely has a lot of ideas about our society. And ways to like if some extrapolations of that, but ways to hypothesize about making it better. That's basically why I wrote the novel. So that novel actually came out earlier this year, in January. So since then, I have really been like, I actually been on a couple of YouTube interviews and I was on the soul wizard podcast. And it's just, it's a sister podcast that they you know, talk about stuff like that, because my sprinkling stuff, but like Japanese anime, Chinese culture, it's really a hybrid of different scenarios, things, my experiences, and that's what I'm really good at is kind of like synthesizing and taking things from different places, and then kind of putting them together into a coherent narrative or story. That's what I wanted to do. So fast forward to, I find Scott stuff. And I have these two books. I already have a website, I already have an email list. I haven't really been marketing hardcore. But I'll share with this with you that this just this morning, I got an email because now I'm in the process of turning this book into an audio drama podcast. And I got an email that said that my podcast is ranking in United Kingdom.

Unknown Speaker: 32:26

Okay, it's like

: 32:27

number 57. never gotten such an email in my life that just happened. Like, I woke up like an hour or hour and a half ago. So yeah. So it is working like I am gaining momentum. And this is one of the reasons that I'm here is to expand that network expand the reason not just to get more people to find it. But really, it's about the message because and I shared this with you, Jim that my kind of personal mission statement, I've refined it since the last time we talked. But it's it's to develop changemakers through by connecting humanity and cultures through education, technology, and story. This is my personal mission statement that I've come up with for myself. And it really encompasses everything that I've done, and that I intend to do, through my books through my teaching, through, you know, as we talked about, you know, a couple of weeks ago, educate when it comes to technology. I'm really interested in that I talked, we talked a little bit about ai, ai voices and things like that. So I'm

Unknown Speaker: 33:31

a futurist. I thought for hours, like offline.

: 33:33

Yeah, of course. I mean, I have so many ideas for stuff that I want to do. And then yeah, what was lacking is like the business acumen, the business side and the marketing. I know, I'm stepping into you guys's territory with this, but I'm very new to that side. And so I'm learning I'm learning quickly, though. I'm reading stuff and listening to books and learning how to like turn it on to where not only can you bring attention, but you can actually make a living from it. But you can find the people to serve at the same time. So it all kind of runs together. So yeah, that's, that's the summary. All right.

Jen Amos: 34:04

So I love it.

: 34:06

I mean, I may or may not have some jealousy over the fact that he has two books published with his name on the cover and the poster in his office there. No, I actually I was really thinking when he started talking about personal mission statement, I was like, Oh my God, my husband would oh love that he is a mission statement kind of guy. And as I have gone from teaching to military, mental health to podcasting to writing to he has really encouraged me to do the same because I think it goes back to what we started this with is like, you have to know who you are in order to know where you're going to go. And that like we have worked very much together to craft one for our family, to make kind of left out that like that meant that we were two people coming to that like we're really good at like this is our family vision. This is what we want to do, but like Usually, you know, we haven't been so great at that. And so just over the last like year or two is I've really like kind of dived headlong into the podcasting thing and the writing thing, in addition to working full time, he's really encouraged me to write my own. And I said, Oh my gosh, he's gonna listen to this podcast and be like, See, I told you, you are not gonna listen to me.

Jen Amos: 35:25

The best party, right?

: 35:26

Yeah, but it's so important to just keep it you know, to your point. Anyway, it's so important to keeping you grounded, and focused. And Jen is talking about how, you know, Scott was doing all these things. And I'm doing, you know, multi talented, because of course, going along with the podcast, I'm the podcast editor. I'm the music composer, the sound engineer. Yeah. I'm a voice actor.

Jen Amos: 35:50

I do everything I record and send everything to Dennis. Like, so you are more well rounded. I am so yeah.

Unknown Speaker: 35:57

I'm here to talk to people and occasionally bring friends on the show. Yeah.

: 36:02

Y'all are doing this smarter than me. Because I'm sitting here, like Sega hours doing all this stuff. And you're like, Okay, I'm just gonna do an interview and do other things.

Jen Amos: 36:11

But we all have our styles, right? We do we do.

: 36:14

And I actually enjoyed the audio piece I grew up my dad was actually a radio DJ.

Jen Amos: 36:23

Now, there you go, explains it all in it.

: 36:25

He ended I know, chip off the old block, right? He ended his career as at our oldies station in San Antonio, Hong Kong, calm. So I grew up, you know, telling people, my dad was on the radio and things like that. And it was just kind of an interesting, the first time I ever set up my microphone, it's off camera, but my microphone is there. I was just like, I kind of felt a little emotional, because I was like, man, whatever my dad would say, no hearing is, is, you know, like doing not only radio stuff, but really just sound I grew up an audio guy, my dad, you know, you see these tower speakers behind me, my dad always had like, a nice stereo, everything. Some things would be busted, broke down. But like, the stereo was always nice, because that was his job, you know. And remember, he had hundreds of records our house, we still have a bag in my mom's house accent on just hundreds of just old records. So I grew up listening to so many different sounds, and Motown and country music and, of course, pop music, Michael Jackson, heavy rotation, you know, at the house. And that really affected me. So now, fast forward, down anything, all things audio, it just kind of came to me, you know, like, I was like, okay, there's a lot of technical stuff to learn with using DAWs, and learning equipment and learning technical things and music, but I don't know, just maybe it was something genetic or whatever. I don't remember my dad, like telling me are you gonna do sound radio stuff, too, but I don't know, it just was easy for me. But it is a lot of hats to wear, it is a lot of hats. And having the personal mission statement just makes it to where you know, where you should be focusing your time and who you should be focusing your time and attention and efforts on and that made it a lot easier to say yes, because right now, there's not a lot of stuff. You know, I said I got the email, but a lot of stuff has to come from what I've been doing yet. But when stuff does start coming, there's gonna be a time where you have to start saying no, yeah, things and having the personal mission statement says, okay, that doesn't align with what I'm trying to do, how I interface with the world. So I'm going to let that past but this does. So that seems worth my time.

Jen Amos: 38:37

Yeah, so when I think about mission statements, I kind of think about, it's more about like setting goals and kind of painting your picture destination. It's more about setting intentions, right? It's like, how do I want to show up in the world? What do I want to do be, you know, have and how do I do that in my day to day activity, and it comes down to that mission statement. So you know, even though even though on the surface, it looks like you're doing a lot, Keith in reality, it all aligns with your mission statement, which I think is amazing. And so I just, I just absolutely love that. So you know, all that being said, Keith, I just wanted to thank you again, for just giving us a candid snapshot of your life, you know, just how it's been like for you in the last five years. I'm having that like physical, emotional, spiritual transition after the military, to being a military spouse to having all these projects and everything. And now you're in this space where you're like, I want to put myself out there, I want to connect with people. And so tell us to our listeners, if there's anyone you're looking to connect with, specifically, you know, what does that look like for you? Like, who would you like to connect with? Or who would you you know, what types of people would you like to encourage to reach out to you so that you can continue to expand your network?

: 39:41

Sure. Well, the immediate I'm just looking for ears on my podcast, and I'm working on another project here locally in Japan, for teaching languages. So not actually teaching, like Japanese like the nuts and bolts of the language, but teaching the language philosophy because that's really what matters. first book is about it's the Tower of babbling. It's like how you learn any language, not just Japanese or Spanish, but any language to professional fluency if you want to. So I'm looking for that. Also looking forward. That's part of my mission statement, right? That's why we're finding changemakers. Those are the people that I really want to connect with. Because ultimately, I envisioned this. It's funny because my wife just asked me this, like, a couple months ago, like, what is your goal? What are you trying to do with all this? You know, and I was like, I didn't really, it was hard to like put it into words, but I see it becoming kind of like a school in the future now have anything official yet? I have my website, but it's not a school, but I see it becoming something akin to that to where we're not only training skills for the future, but we're training mentality. We're training people how to better connect with the things that they have their unique gifts and talents, so they can share it better with the world, whatever form that it takes. That's really what I see it going to, but of course, I didn't have like, the five year plan or something. So that was my wife did like that. She was like, Okay, okay, we won't talk about this later house.

Jen Amos: 41:17

Nice houses are our biggest critics.

: 41:20

Absolutely. But they're also I speak huge shout out to my wife. Yeah, she lives. She is she is not a podcast person. She's a super fast reader. So she would much rather have a very long book or long thing to read than listen to. She says they're too slow. They talk so slow, and they just go on and on and some of them lasts for hours. I told her I listened to a five and a half hour podcast, she was

Jen Amos: 41:47

fine. Nothing is three podcasts because they're either there's a podcast that Scott listens to that's like five. Okay. Okay, you know what? Our core history? Yeah, okay. Yep, exactly. I

: 41:58

had it wasn't that one. But yeah, I have listened to longer podcast. But anyway, she's not a podcast person. It's not how she absorbs material. But she's so supportive. She's actually lent her voice to my audio drama podcast. And she's just been such a good sport about like, everything. So love you, baby. If you listen this far, you probably had it, but it's okay.

: 42:20

You can listen to it on like one and a half times consumes all of her audio content and like the speed of light,

Jen Amos: 42:27

you go. Yeah, that Yep. Anywhere from 1.5 to two times speed is like my job because usually what will happen is Dennis gives me the initial edits of the recording, and then I just put it two times speed. And then I'm like, I only like cut out certain things that maybe we didn't want mentioned or whatever. But yeah, I think as a podcaster it's like it's just faster to it's like I can digest a lot better when I speed up the audio, because I'm not that I know some listeners they like to hear. I don't know the sounds or like the pauses in between. But I'm like, No, I just want to get to it. And so

: 42:59

listener that is me. Anytime it auto speeds up on me, I'm like, What is happening? Warning, and I was like, why do we sound like chipmunks

Jen Amos: 43:07

now? voices? Yeah, for sure. Awesome. Well, Keith, thank you so much for sharing that. And again, just coming. So candidly. And I think that's what I love the most about doing the show with Jenny Lynn is we just naturally attract people who are okay with just coming as they are, you know, coming into her and whatever season that they are in their life, whether it's in the military, or even after the military. And so as we wrap up here, Keith, how would you like people to get a hold of you, whether it's your social links or websites, let us know how people can find you and reach out to you if they want to network with you.

: 43:38

The Hub is my website, Keith Aiden, dotnet ke i th h A y d in dotnet. I'm also on I've been more active on LinkedIn thanks to Scott stuff lately. So LinkedIn, you can find me there, just put that name in LinkedIn, and you'll find me hopefully, I'm sure there's other key patents but also on Twitter. I'm not as active on Twitter, but it's there at k h underscore author. And then youtube youtube is probably my second most acid active I have Keith Aiden dasch author, check out the podcasts. It's called serious and limnic I know the names a little weird series is spelled c e r, e, u s, and limnic spell house sounds Li m Nic. That's the name of the book and of course audio drama podcast that I'm really happy about such a labor of love. And then of course the tower babbling look for if you're interested in learning foreign languages. I know a lot of us military spouses were all over around the world. So I know that's something that a lot of people have as a goal is to learn a foreign language people in Europe they want to learn German or French or something like that. I am coming out with a course basically, that last 30 day challenges and we'll have are going to teach and be a teacher. Like I got my certification. I'm going to teach how to learn these way which is better I really want to help guide people do that so I'm still in the process of setting all that stuff up but yeah, yeah details on my website and sign up for my email list so you can get a whole bunch of extra goodies.

Jen Amos: 45:13

And of course to our listeners, we will provide all that information people send them to me. All right, all of the links and ways you can get a hold of him in the show notes. Other than that, any closing thoughts?

: 45:23

I just appreciate this time and I've always been a person that kind of is better talking through my thoughts so as you can tell, I'm not a big rehearse type of guy I just kind of just my thoughts just kind of come out and this is good. This is basically been a reminder that I am on the right path that I'm doing what I need to do to hold down the fort for myself and for to advance my to expand my reach for not just people listening to my stuff, but just like my that mission statement, right that we talked about. So I yeah, I'm really grateful for this. Thank you very much.

Jen Amos: 45:58

Yeah. Well, thank you for spending this hour with us. And it was an absolute pleasure to continue the conversation after our offline conversation with Scott genuine any closing thoughts before we go on? No,

Unknown Speaker: 46:08

this was lovely. I could do this all day long.

Jen Amos: 46:12

This is genuine. She was talking to

: 46:15

everything that I do in determining who I am as a person and going along with the mission statement podcasting with you and getting to meet people like Keith is one of my most favorite things.

Jen Amos: 46:26

Awesome. All right. Well, thank you all so much for joining us for listeners. Thank you for listening, and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.