134: "Giving social support has helped increase my mental health and has led to all the success in my life." Healing Thru Service with Sgt Q

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host, Jenn HMOs. And as always, I have my amazing co host with me, Jalen Stroup. Jennylyn Welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:12

Hey, glad to be here today.

Jen Amos 0:14

Yes. And I have to say just thank you for showing up. Your wall. Welcome.

Speaker 1 0:19

I'm happy to show up. That is my official title on the show, as we discussed last week, I'm the official show are up are here.

Jen Amos 0:27

Yeah, no, it's great. Because it's like, you know, just so our listeners know, genuine and I have been talking extensively about, you know, our roles on the show and what we could do differently or what we could do more of, and sometimes it's okay to just say, Hey, I'm just going to show up, like, that's what I'm capable right now, I have so many things going on in my life. I'm just going to show up. And honestly, like, at least for me, that is a lot to ask for and a lot to have just because you know, I'm the kind of person what I've come to find and doing podcasting is I love having a co host because it helps me stay accountable, and actually show up and produce these shows. So genuine, thank you for showing up for my sake to so that I can actually produce the

Speaker 1 1:04

show. You are very welcome. I'm very happy to be here.

Jen Amos 1:08

Yeah. Awesome. So Jenny line, great to have you as always, and we are extremely excited because we have an incredible guest on our show. We were talking with him a couple of weeks ago before he went traveling, actually. So without further ado, we are excited to have Sergeant Q join us today and a little bit about Sergeant Q. He is a proud veteran, a speaker and author of the award winning book healing through service, which he'll talk a little bit about in our conversation today. He also is a father, a PTSD ambassador, and an entrepreneur. So without further ado, starting you welcome to hold down the fort.

Speaker 2 1:42

Hey, well, thank you guys for having me here. I really appreciate it. Thanks for allowing me to use your platform to spread my message of hope and healing to all those listening to your podcast.

Jen Amos 1:52

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think it's a win win situation. You know, being able to have a platform to bring people such as you is so fulfilling for me. And I know Jenny Lynn as well. Like, you know, Jenny Lynn can say herself that she loves these conversations every week, we get to talk to people, she loves it, right? Jennylyn. Yeah, listeners don't know this. But Jenny Lynn just figured out how to talk really closely to her microphone. And so now she has like the super radio voice. And she's just like, all about it. I like to think she's all about it. But in actuality, the listeners, you should probably know that Jenny Lynn doesn't listen to any of our episodes, because she doesn't want us to grow boys. But if you like her voice, make sure you let her know, by leaving us a five star written review. And saying, Jenny Lynn, I know you don't like hearing your voice. But I like hearing your voice. And I just want to say thank you for expressing your voice and share your story on our show. Oh,

Speaker 1 2:39

that's very good. Yep, still not gonna listen. But I'm glad you guys do.

Jen Amos 2:45

Yeah, for sure. Hey, the reviews say it all, you know, our listeners definitely appreciate having both of us come on the show. But Sergeant, you really, really happy to have you here. I know, we're gonna be talking about a couple of topics today. One being about your transition story talking about mental health and even the work you do as an entrepreneur. And so I want to start with talking about your transition story because you actually became a marine right out of high school. And you share the story quite often on how like, you know, you didn't realize that the real battle you were going to face was not necessarily while you were in service, but after service when you started to experience PTSD. So let's go back to that time, that military time when you were about to transition to the point where you started to experience and acknowledge that you had PTSD.

Speaker 2 3:31

discharged that last year, in: 2003

Jen Amos 9:47

I'm really sad to hear that and just uh, you know, my husband is a veteran and he doesn't like the VA either. He's a post 911 veteran and he still has his qualms about it, genuinely, and I know that you and your family and Matthew are still active. Duty. So I, you know, I don't know if you need to tread lightly here. But any comments on what Sergeant Q has shared?

: 10:07

It's honestly stories like his that led to organizations like the one that I worked for to fill that gap. And also, like really coined the terms like signature wounds of post 911 conflict. I mean, that's something I say, 90 times a day, the mTBI, the TBI and the PTSD. But unfortunately, it took the folks getting out in Oh, 30405, and then 15 more years of conflict to realize that this was what was happening to a lot of people coming out of theater. And honestly, I mean, similar to the VA, like transition services have gotten better. And unfortunately, though, it took a lot of people being kind of pushed out or just let go, to figure out that there were these huge gaps, you know, especially for people that were just getting out versus retiring. So I mean, you come in at 18, you do your four years, you're only 22. Like, what kind of life experience do you have other than four years in Iraq, like, it's very different than being a civilian in Washington, or Wisconsin or Georgia, like, you know, and started accused, I was listening to you talk, I was reminded, my husband did a tour in Afghanistan in 2012 to 13. He got home July 1, we PCs to New York City, July 26. And so in the course of 25 days, not only did he return home, we move tones and move to an area where like hyper vigilance was going to be a thing, even if you hadn't come out of theater, but was especially like, you know, gosh, thinking about it. Now. I think like hypervigilance was like a neon sign in New York. And so he was always on, you know, and that was really one of the first things that tipped me off to him having some issues. And I was like, man, like, not everybody on the corner is out to get you but like, not every ketchup packet in the parking spot is, you know, something waiting to blow up. And he was like, Don't say that, you know, but you don't know. And I'm like, I mean, but I kind of do like in that, you know, and that was when we would start to like, argue over little things like that. I was like, Ooh, something is off. Like this is not, you know, we don't need to watch every stranger that walks by us on the street or assume that everything is out to get us a does. Interesting thing about that now, and just even the transition within Active Duty, because he went over as an individual Augmentee. The treatment was similar, like he didn't go with a unit and come home with the units, there was no body with his experience to talk to and to process that with and like to remain active duty and still have to show up and do your job was an interesting experience. For sure. Yeah, it's

: 12:55

difficult, because when you come back, your brain has been trained for survival, right? And so it sees these things and says, Hey, this thing is dangerous. Your subconscious mind pulls that up and says, Hey, this is dangerous. And when you're in theater, that's good. That's a survival skill. But when you come back, you have to consciously retrain your brain away from that trauma experience. And you have to make a conscious effort to do it. It doesn't just happen naturally. It is a daily process. And so I remember the first time that I recognize that, right, because I just thought like, well, this is just the way that I am and just everybody else has to deal with it. And then I realized that, hey, I'm 50% of every single problem that I have right now. And so, you know, I see you ladies laughing and shaking your head, right? Like, yes, yes, I am a Marine. Okay. And I figured this out. So the rest of you guys can figure this out, too. Okay. It's not that complicated.

Jen Amos: 13:47

I appreciate that self responsibility, though, like taking responsibility for that saying, I'm 50% responsible for this. Wherever you

: 13:52

go, there you are, which some people really don't like to hear.

: 13:56

That's right. personal accountability is not something that's valued in our society anymore, right? It's all about blame shifting and choosing to say, well, it's these people's fault. It's this is the reason it's because the way I grew up, and all of those things are true, right? But you have the responsibility to change it. Right? What happened to you is not your fault. But what you do with that is your responsibility. You can choose to live in this victim mentality, or you can move forward out of it. And so the first time I recognize this was my wife and I were on a road trip down to Oregon. And I was working nights at work all night. And so then I drove the first leg in the morning, about four and a half hours. And what was that that evening? So I drove and she was going to drive, like just a couple hours, and I fell asleep. And when I fell asleep, it had become dark. And in Oregon. You can't pump your own gas. People have to pump it for you. And so at like 910 o'clock at night, a lot of gas stations just shut down. Right? And so we're driving and I wake up and we're almost at a gas and she's taking the turn to go to the coast and I I instantly freaked out, right? Because we're almost out of gas. What were you thinking? You know, we can't get gas out here in the middle of nowhere. We've got to go back. And I had this huge overreaction to something that was just a really small problem. Very simple. We just turn around, we go back, we get gas. But I freaked out, because, and I didn't know why. Right? And so it was a huge argument over this whole thing. And then I remember my wife, she asked me, she was my girlfriend, the time she asked me, she said, Well, why is that such a big deal? And I spouted off well, because it's irresponsible. And, you know, you can't get gas in Oregon and all these reasons. And I said, and if you don't have fuel in Iraq, did you die? And she's like, oh, oh, that's what it is. And I was like, Oh, dang, that is what it is. So all of those other things were just symptoms, right? That were masking this real root of the problem. And so I had a pastor tell me once, you can either treat the fruit or treat the root, right? So the fruit is what's happening, you're outside, like all of that anger and anxiety and frustration that I was feeling toward my wife. That was the fruit. But the root was this feeling that I could die in Iraq, if I didn't have fuel, which was a very real fear. I mean, that's true. That was that's what could happen out there. And so the VA likes to treat the symptoms, right? Treat the fruit, you know, give you this medication, talk to these people do this thing, do that thing, you know, and treat the symptoms. But you really have to get to the heart of the matter. And what is the true reason? Why are you having these overreactions? And that takes a lot of self reflection, that takes a lot of work to realize, like, Okay, I'm the problem. So how do I make these changes? And that was the first aha moment that I had, where I said, Okay, I need to figure out what's going on in my brain. And how do I fix it, I figured that my brain was malfunctioning, like a weapon system, right? It's malfunctioning. And if I could do some immediate action drills, figure, break it down, figure out where it's malfunctioning, fix it, then I can get back in the fight. And so that's what I started doing with my brain, I started reading all these medical journals about how the brain operates, reading all these case studies, reading scripture, and I was able to develop this plan for myself just to overcome trauma, just for myself, I never thought I'd be helping everybody else. I never thought I would write a book or having an award winning nonprofit, I was really just trying to help myself, do better and be better in my relationships. And with my business.

Jen Amos: 17:20

I really liked that story of the gas station, and like, oh my gosh, like, if we have no gas, we're gonna die. You know, it gets me to think about, like instances where like, for example, like after having lost my dad, when he served, like, finances were a big strain in our family. And so it's interesting being with my husband today, who is a financial expert, and we run a financial firm for military families. And, and it's interesting whenever, like, Okay, this is like, kind of off topic, but not really, we have a cat, we have a new cat. And we recently saw genuine noses, I was talking all about this offline. And we just recently paid a bunch of vet bills just to get it neutered, and all these things and, and even though like, you know, we're not struggling, but still, if I feel like I'm spending unnecessary money, like if I'm spending on things that feel so unnecessary, it actually freaks me out. Because I it goes back to like, what my mom had struggled with, after, you know, we lost dad, and she was, you know, a gold star wife and having to like struggle financially, raising three kids under 11. And so I have to explain this to Scott, my husband and say, and he's like, what's the what's the big deal, and I say, we have to understand, I grew up with a single parent. So it's interesting how in that present moment, even though that had nothing to do with my past, it really triggered my past. And it sounds to me in a similar vein that just gas alone triggered, you know, what you had experienced in the military. And that was kind of your lightbulb to be like, Oh, wait, I'm not there anymore, though. Like, I am not in Iraq anymore. And it's very interesting how you kind of woke up to that, and start to have the self awareness. And I even think for myself, and it goes back to again, like so crazy how my family struggle with finances. And here I am doing, you know, working at us about wealth with my husband talking about money, you know, kind of taking that pain and turning it into a passion in a sense. And I know we'll talk a little bit more about that with your nonprofits and businesses. But that's what comes to mind to me when I hear your story.

: 19:08

This whole conversation has brought up for me, like, Isn't it interesting, where life leads us the things that we do thinking it's totally for ourselves is actually the thing that, you know, reaches other people, you know, Matthew and I talk about all the time like, because we're both in a 12 step program, like the line of guys is what you hear in AAA, like, once you get sober, there's going to be a line of guys that are looking to you to help them out with the things they struggle with. And, you know, that's what this this whole vein of this whole conversation reminds me of is like, Hi never intended to do outreach for mental health. I never intended to come on a podcast and talk about mental health for 90% of the shows. We do like yeah, that was not something that I was looking to do when I was looking to get my own family help. It was a very Are you selfishly motivated? Like, we're on fire, and it needs to be put out. But then as as you know, health and healing happen, you realize like, oh, okay, like I do have the tools to get through this. And if I have the tools get through this, I can probably offer those to other people. You know. So it's interesting. Yeah. As you start talking about finances genomes like,

Jen Amos: 20:25

Yeah, but it's so it's so wild how we take, you know, we take that pain that one of our greatest pains, and turn it into our profession, essentially,

: 20:36

you know, Jen, that was perfect. Both of you gave two really great examples. A lot of times, when we experienced trauma or pain, our normal reaction is to shy away from it, we want to avoid those things that caused us pain causes discomfort reminds us of that trauma, we want to stay as far away from that as possible, right. And so there's a very few select few who actually turn back into that pain, and make that become our victory. And so I tell people, a lot of guys, I work a lot with Christians in with the church, and guys will come to me and they'll go to my program, they'll say, I just try to find out what God wants me to do. I said, find your pain. And there, your ministry will be also, right, because who better to lead somebody out of the darkness than somebody who's walked that path themselves. And that's all I've done. That's why I work so much with veterans and with trauma survivors. And with entrepreneurs. Because I know that field, I've walked through, I'm still walking through it. And so I can give these guys real applicable advice, when it comes to how to overcome these things. And that's one of the big disconnects I've seen, when it comes to the mental health field is you have all these kids who decided to go into work in mental health. So they go to college, they get a degree, they have all this great book knowledge, but they don't have the real world experience. And so there's a huge disconnect when it comes to communication. And I think that's the gap that I really try to fill is I take all of these medical journals and studies that all these very academic very smart, well meaning people did and put together I take this information, and I process it and condense it into a way that can be applicable to the average person. And I think that I really fit that gap very well where I take this this great knowledge, and I just kind of recycle it down to a way where the average person can can understand it. And now there's probably people on this podcast who are listening who are like, Well, I've never been to combat I've never had to deal with in all of these traumas. You don't really fit into this conversation. But I'm going to tell you guys, there was a study that was put out just two years ago, it said 67% of men in America admit to having a mental health crisis in their lifetime. So if we look at that statistic, right, 67% of men, that's two out of three men in America will admit to having a mental health crisis. Men who are notoriously tight lipped about it are starting to ask for help because they realize they need solutions. Now, they did this study just on men, but you can assume similar demographics for women as well. And if you can imagine two out of three admitted it, how many didn't write back like, the reality is, we're all going to deal with a mental health crisis at some point in our life. So we need to start understanding the process of overcoming it. And once we can do that, as a society, we can start to begin to heal. Because now as I learned these things that I watch on the news, and I see these things happening, where people have these freakout moments, these perfect example, right was Will Smith last night, right? Or Sunday night, right? Oh boy, where he went out. And he had this complete overreaction to a joke, right. And so people look at the fruit of that, and people are split both sides. Some people see him as a hero, other people see him as a villain. And it doesn't matter where you set on that what you think he did was right or wrong. You have to realize that he was going through a mental health crisis in that moment, he felt like his family was being attacked. And instead of being able to process through that moment in Iran have a rational decision. He had an emotional response and even said that in his apology, he had an emotional response. That's exactly what happened. Something triggered something in his brain that caused him to have an overreaction. And he acted on that he lacked impulse control. So it's really unique. When people are going through a mental health crisis, part of their brain shuts down, right. And this is PTSD, anxiety, and suicidal ideations part of the brain shuts down, which is their cognitive processing. So inside your cognitive processing, you have three really important things, long term planning, good decision making skills and the ability to overcome impulses. So now, if you're going through a mental health crisis, and those three things are reduced, now you have reduced capacity to process through that moment, and you have an overreaction, just like Will Smith did at the Oscars, right? Somebody said something, it struck a nerve in him and he had an overreaction to something that was a really benign, and that happens to all of us at some point in our lives, we lack that impulse control. And so like I said, learning these skills, learning how to process through these moments in time are incredibly valuable because here's a guy who's at the pinnacle of his true rear end, he had this thing that's going to haunt him forever, whether you think it's good, bad or indifferent, that is going to be a mark on his career forever now, right? It was always the Fresh Prince, right? Like the nice guy. He didn't have an unkind word for anybody. And now his whole career is got this black mark, kind of on it like this check, like, oh, yeah, I remember that one time, so that he's gonna have to do a lot of work to overcome that. And so we all experienced that in our own lives. And in our own relationships, think about how many relationships that we've damaged because we've had an overreaction to something, because it touched a trigger in our brain over trauma.

Jen Amos: 25:35

Yeah, absolutely. And I know that in your award winning book healing through service, I think one of the things we could talk about next from your book is being able to start identifying if you have PTSD, or if you have issues. Before we jump into that though, I would like to read an ad from our sponsor us but wealth, and our new sister podcast show holding down the fort called the spouse benefit plan. So it's no secret that there's a lot to plan for when the decision has been made to transition out of the military and asking the question, when are we going to get out? You now shift from the mentality of following orders to now taking an intentional, active role to planning for post military life? But where do you even begin? Well known for its sister podcast show the spouse benefit plan by us bet wealth focuses on helping a career military families make intentional decisions before transition. Aside from answering the question, when are we going to get out? The most important decision being? Do we keep or opt out of the Survivor Benefit Plan? But before we could even answer that question, the first step to making this decision is understanding what the SPP actually protects, which is the military pension, check out the spouse benefit plans latest episode titled episode three, here's what to say, the next time someone says, Thank you for your service, which has been, which has been written specifically to educate what the military pension is really about in relation to the service member and the military spouse. And here's a hint, the military pension is more than just a retired monthly pay that the veteran receives for the rest of their life. Listen to the show now by subscribing to the spouse benefit plan on your preferred podcasting platform or check out our show sponsor website us that wealth.com. All right, jump back in. So Sergeant cue you, as I mentioned, have an award winning book called healing through service. And I want to bring this up, because, you know, we created a lot of awareness at the start of our conversation. But now how do we help the individual? How do we help the service member or anyone who may be having some symptoms even identify that they're having these symptoms? And I know for you, you describe that there are three different camps when it comes to mental health? Care to share? Yeah, absolutely.

: 27:29

So yeah, as I was writing the book, so I'd been teaching these courses lecture style, when I would take guys down to Mexico, and we'd build a home for a homeless family and two days, I would teach them these fundamentals of healing to service how the brain works, how it operates, all these different things. What's the negative bias? How do we overcome triggers all of these different things. And when God called me to write a book, I really didn't want to do it. To be honest with you. I was like, that seems like a lot of work. I'm not interested in that. But God showed me that I could reach a lot more people, but only so many people could go through my course in a year. But if I could publish this book, and write it in such a way that took people as a step by step process, through the same program that I'm using with veterans, that I could reach a lot more people. And it's been really cool to see all the different people that are gaining help and insight from this book, one of the really cool demographics is women who've been victims of domestic abuse, or sex trafficking. It's a demographic that I had no idea that I would ever be able to reach, but they're actually getting a lot of value from this process and understanding why they react the way they do and how this trauma affects them long term. So I get done writing the whole book, and I submit it to my editor for publishing, and she goes through the whole thing. And she says, you know, Erin, I've been praying a lot about this. And I feel like there's something missing, like there should be one more chapter in this book. And I was like, I don't have anything else. Like, that's it, I got nothing else. And I sat back and I prayed about it. And God reminded me of this, this idea that I had been mulling around it just kind of half baked, I hadn't really fully fleshed it out. And so I began to do that. And so it was this idea of the three camps. And this chapter actually became the first chapter of the book. And it really does set the groundwork for everything else that we're going to be learning. So as I was working with veterans and reflecting with myself and working with civilians, as well, who are dealing with trauma being trauma survivors, I realized that there's really three camps that most people find themselves in when it comes to mental health. And so the three camps are the on the far left, it's a minority camp, and it's the victim mentality, right? Where it's people who are just a constant victim of their circumstances, their perpetual victim, they got fired because their boss doesn't like them because they know more than their boss. This relationship ended because of this person, right? We know people like that in our lives who never take any personal accountability, personal responsibility for what's happened to them, and they just continue to perpetuate that it's everyone else's fault. And I know this can't because I lived in it for a long time when I came back back from Iraq, and the VA wasn't helping me. And I felt like the world owed me something because I had gone off and fought for my country. And I came home and now I can't get a job. And I'm homeless and divorced. And so all of these things, I was blaming everybody else. So I lived in that camp. Now, on the far right side, you have another camp, which I call the denier camp. And this is a minority camp as well, that denier camp our people. And we know people like this too, right? Who don't think that that people with a mental health condition are just faking it, or they just need to try harder, or they should just get over it. And what I hear sometimes from in the Christian arena is like, well, if you just prayed more, you know, then it would work, you know, then you'd be okay. And every time I hear that, I go up to that individual, I pulled them aside, I used to embarrass them. I don't do that anymore. I've grown. Okay. But I pulled them aside and say, Hey, man, you know, I know you're well meaning, you know, and yes, prayer absolutely works. But you see that guy over there in a wheelchair, he's double amputee, would you go to him and say, Hey, brother, you know, if you just prayed more, you get up and walk? I mean, can God heal him? Absolutely. But is it likely that that's gonna happen? Probably not. And I explained to them how a mental wound and a physical wound are the same, right that people need space and grace to heal. And I try and change their mindset. So that's the denier camp. And I lived in that camp to, you know, when I was in the Marine Corps, and I was in Angular code. And before I went and deployed to Iraq, and even when I came back, I thought, like, I'm going to war hero, I don't have all these medals. I don't have, you know, this great exemplary military career where I've done all these courageous things like I don't deserve to have PTSD like that. That can't be me, this is reserved for guys that have done multiple tours and are true heroes. And so I denied for a long time that I was part of dealing with PTSD and mental health. And so those are two minority camps, you know, on the left, and on the right, but the majority of us we live in the middle, which is what I call the silent majority. And the silent majority are doctors and lawyers and police officers, firefighters, veterans, moms, dads, we've all experienced some sort of trauma in our life, but we're surviving, and a lot of us are actually thriving. But we're too afraid to say anything about our mental health, because we're afraid of the people on the right, the deniers painting us as the people on the left the victim mentality. So we say stay quiet. We don't say nothing about it. Because we don't want people to judge us. And so here's what happens. If the silent majority, we're the ones who can change the conversation, just like we're doing right now. We're bringing this to light, we're having this conversation. If we can talk about this, it changes the conversation for everybody. Because when people look at somebody like me, who I employ over 110 people here in the Pacific Northwest with my business, I have an award winning nonprofit, I'm an author, a speaker, I travel four or five times internationally teaching this stuff every single year, I have a technology startup that I just created. And when I say you know, I struggle with mental health, that there's days where it's hard for me to get out of bed, or when I'm having an anxiety attack, I have to crawl under my desk and try and fall asleep. So I can reset my brain body connection, so I can continue on with the rest of my day. It changes what people think about mental health. So for the people on the left in the victim mentality, it gives them hope that they can do better and be better. And for the people on the right that denier camp, it changes what they think mental health looks like when they look at a guy like me say but you're so successful, you struggle with mental health, it changes what their idea of mental health looks like. But the biggest thing that it does, is it empowers the silent majority to come forward and say, Hey, I'm struggling to. And it gives them an opportunity to have these conversations. So I have a YouTube channel. And I even have a Tic Toc, where I talk about these different mental health components. So that way, it helps people start the conversation in their own lives in their own friend groups. When I talk about these different mental health conditions, it gives them talking points for women, when they're with their friends and family. Or it helps them recognize some of these things in their in themselves or in their friends and family to start that conversation around mental health. Because if we can empower the silent majority to stand up and say, Hey, I struggle with mental health, then we can all walk out of the darkness together.

Jen Amos: 34:13

Boom, Mic drop. I know thank you Sergeant cue. I'm, I feel like I have so much to say I do have a lot to say. But I imagine I mean, I'll admit, I've definitely been in all three of those camps at one stage or another in my life. And, you know, it is people like you starting to where I would look at, let's say on the surface and wouldn't ever expect someone like you to talk openly about mental health. And so I think that is powerful when you have people who you know, let's say you look up to and you think they're incredible, and they're kind of almost your hero to actually open up candidly and say I need help, and actually get it and even talk about to tell the tale of what it looks like when you make it to the other side because you got help. It's a powerful thing. And so I just commend you for having this book because obviously you can't help everyone all at once to be able to Share your knowledge through this book is powerful.

: 35:02

So many thoughts as well, you know, one of the things is, as Sergeant key was talking I, I envisioned a spectrum because I like both of you, I have been on, on all of those. And I think, you know, depending on the day sometimes slide between them even now, I mean, even having years of mental health health and you know, working in a mental health organization like sometimes that, oh, man, if I just did something different, I would feel better, you know, that denier thing, or the I wouldn't feel this way, if XYZ hadn't happened, that victim thing. I mean, those are things that I still very much slide in between, you know, some days, you know, the other thing that I think is really important about this is that, making the silent majority, just the majority of people that talk about where they're really at, you know, Jen, you and I have talked a lot on this show about like, I often show up in a full face of makeup with my hair done and like a real outfit on like dance that button, you know, the whole nine. Because I feel better when I do that. But what people see is somebody who is very put together, who put time and energy into all of that. And I keep a little stack, I don't think we've ever had this part of the conversation, I keep a little stack of sticky notes in my desk drawer, that are from a mops group I was part of in San Diego, and we had the same table all year. And at the end of the year, we went around and we wrote a sticky note for everyone in our table of something that we admired about the other people at our table and nobody signed them, they were all just collected and read by somebody else at the table. And I keep mine because one of them from a person who is a very close friend of mine now she admitted to writing it, you know was that I just kind of thought you were untouchable when I first met you like you walked in here with your hair done and your makeup on and your fancy shoes, and I just thought like, oh my gosh, I could never get to know this woman, like, we can't be friends because she's over here, all put together. And then the note, I mean, kind of funnily then says like, but now I know the real you. And you're absolutely approachable and things. And, you know, I mean, it's been a good laugh that like that sentiment, I keep that in my desk drawer on the days that I feel like, do I really want to keep doing this, like talking about mental health every day is is sometimes very hard and requires a lot of mental effort. And I think about do I want people to only know that I do my hair and makeup every day? No, I want them to know that I do this because I've been able to get help. And because this helps me feel better. And by continuing to talk and share my own story, my family's story, like, bring other people to help.

Jen Amos: 38:02

So yeah, by the way, I have to commend you for the times that we hang out nowadays you don't wear makeup, I'm so proud of you. Even on this call, like I just I remember when we first started, like you always had a full face and makeup and it was amazing. I was like oh my gosh, like I like I you know, I have eczema. So I can only wear makeup like somebody and anyone can try to sell makeup to me and say, Oh, that's good for eczema. I'm like, I don't believe you. Okay, because my skin, like easily breaks out. I don't believe it. But I've just learned to embrace just having clear skin. I'm like, if I have clear skin, I'm fine. But anyway, I just love how you know you openly share that because people need to know like, you can't judge a book by its cover. Right. And I just appreciate you sharing that. And again, all of us are coming here today, admitting that we're human. And I think that is the hard part of being in the military community. There's that stoicism as we always talk about, you know, having that stiff upper lip or acting like Oh, because I volunteered to serve. I married someone who volunteered to serve, I have to put up with all of this. And the truth is no, you don't like you. I mean, yes, you have to put up with it. But you also have to work through it. You have to work through that your you know, your mental health. And it's like, you know, you have to take care of your mental health as often as you take care of your physical health as often as you take a shower as often as you drink water, you know, all these things. And so to openly talk about this, and I think all of us coming together to talk about it. I think it's wonderful. And I'm really just proud of us for you know, being part of this conversation. So with that being said, I do want to shift gears here and you know, talk about actually I was thinking earlier, Sergeant key when you were talking about like what your ministry is, it got me to think like oh, it's like he turned his mess into his ministry. You know, they say you turn your mess into your message. It's like you turn your mess into your ministry. And so, you know, Sergeant key you have done some incredible work, incorporating you know, your desire to create more awareness about PTSD and getting help around it through the work that you do today. So tell us a little bit about your business endeavors, as well as your nonprofit to help you know even other veterans embrace accepting The fact that they need mental health services or mental health help. Yeah, absolutely.

: 40:03

I started, you know, I was I was homeless, and I just come out of homelessness. But I was right kind of teetering on that edge still. So anybody who's been in homeless, you know, those like that first, like 18 months of coming out of homelessness, you're still kind of like on edge, like, am I gonna find myself back living in my car, right. And it's a constant fear that sits there. And that's where I was, I couldn't find a job, nobody would really hire me. I wasn't reliable, because I couldn't. Sometimes I'd show up. And sometimes I wouldn't write or I'd have an overreaction to something. So it wasn't very reliable. So I started a cleaning company, just me and one other guy, cleaning toilets in the middle of the night doing floor care. And it's funny because I know I lacked reliability. So I named my company reliable commercial cleaning, because I knew it was something that I had to value was to be reliable. And so these other companies like ABM, and SPM, and Pacific and all these big companies, they wouldn't hire me. But they would subcontract work to me. And that was great. They'd subcontract work to me. And that's how I started my business was just doing subcontract work. And now over the last 14 years, I've been able to grow the company into two separate branches, and have over 110 employees here in the Pacific Northwest. And I talked to them and I teach them all these mental health things that I teach to the veterans, I teach to my staff as well. And it's really helped me have better employee retention. And it's, I've had a happier workforce, because now they're learning these skills that they can take back home and apply with their families, and it helps them and if they're, if they're have a better home life, they're going to have a better work life. And so when I started, like I said, I started just to help myself to be able to overcome these mental health issues that I was dealing with. And the first thing that I did is I got invited to go to Mexico, to build a home for a homeless family. And again, a constant theme in my life. I was like, I don't want to do that. That's a lot of work. I'm not interested. It's, it's not for me. But I had this pastor who was very persistent. And so he kept pressuring me to go, and I was like, Fine, I'll go. And then I found out it was on Memorial Day weekend. And I was like, Well, I got plans for Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to be bellied up to the bar drinking with my buddies that didn't make it home with me. And that was my plan. And I know there's a lot of guys out there who do that very same thing. But I relented and decided to go my church to Mexico, and we built a home for homeless family. And when I was there, something incredible happened. I felt something in my heart that I hadn't felt in years, I felt joy. And I actually I was crying, but not out of sadness, but out of joy that had never happened to me before. So I was like, What is this? I don't know what this is, but I need more of it. So I went back to my church, and I said, Hey, I want to go on more of these trips. They said, Well, we only do one a year, I was like, well, that's not enough for me. And so they helped me get connected to these other organizations where I would do three or four of these trips every single year going to Haiti, Honduras, building churches, schools, and orphanages all over the world. And it was helping me I was like, wow, this is incredible. I feel better when I'm on mission. But then I would come home and I would start to burn in right, like, life would kind of come back and the anxiety would come back. And so what I learned was, I needed to not just go overseas and serve, but I need to serve in my community as well. So I started volunteering my church, volunteering with homeless outreach, volunteering with youth ministry, every opportunity I could get, I would serve somewhere in the community. And it really helped me increase my mental health. And since I've started this, six years ago, the Lord called me to lead other veterans to find the same healing that I did. And again, I didn't want to do it, because it's a lot of work, right. And so I procrastinated for a bit, but God really touched my heart. And I decided to actually do it. And then I was like, Okay, now I have to teach all these guys everything that I know, and how do I do that? So I started creating lectures, hip pocket classes, like we would do in the military to teach these guys about how the brain operated and why this help. And I really had to start digging into that. And what I found in this medical journal was fascinating was that when you're giving social support to somebody, it increases your mental health. And you can look up,

Jen Amos: 44:11

I love that you can

: 44:12

look up all kinds of studies about this. They're all over the place. Just look up, you know, social support, increases mental health, and you'll find tons of studies. The very first study that I read was called the Mother Teresa effect, where they just had students watch Mother Teresa do good works for 90 minutes on a video, and they took a saliva swab, and they checked their mental health chemicals. And just by watching her do good works, it increased their mental health just by watching it. And for about 90 minutes after those chemicals kept propagating inside their brain, just as they were thinking about Mother Teresa and what she did. And from that, that spurred on a bunch of other experiments out there where they started having people give social support and receive social support. And so they'd have these two groups and so the group who received the social support with one work or whatever it was that they're getting help with. Like, that's all the help they got, they didn't really get much of a mental health boost at all. But the people who were providing the help, they got this huge boost of serotonin, and oxytocin and all these chemicals that we need to make us feel happy and good. So when I'm out there helping other people, part of it is selfish, because I know that it's helping me, too. It's increasing my mental health. And so on those days, like we were just talking about before those days that we don't feel like doing this, like, oh, my gosh, this is hard. When those happen, that's a trigger for me now to be like, Okay, I need to find somebody I can help. So typically, I'll just jump on Facebook real quick and see, okay, who needs help today, and I'll go help them do whatever, maybe they're promoting a new product, maybe they need help with childcare, maybe they need help, whatever that is, they need help with something, I'm gonna go help that person be successful. And it really helps me overcome whatever that was that depression, anxiety, whatever I was dealing with, that's how I combat it is by helping other people. And that's really what's led to all the success in my life. Even in my janitorial company, I don't look at it as providing janitorial service for anybody I look at at how can I help them solve their problem, their buildings dirty? How do I help them solve that? How do I make their building as clean as possible, so their clients feel comfortable going there, so they can get the sale. And I look at myself as just an extension of their business. And I got one of the best compliments I've ever received from one of my clients about that subject. And it was during the COVID-19. So the Museum of Flight, they're one of my clients. And so we've been working with them for years, and they had a new facilities manager come in. And so typically, when that happens, you know, they kind of tried to shake things up and make a name for themselves, and they want to save money. So they'll usually put all the contracts out to bid and try and you know, do cost savings, because that justifies their job, whatever. That's just kind of how things work in this industry. So we kind of knew that, and then COVID hit. And we always have that customer first approach. It's just the mentality that we have in the company, it's the culture that we created, that we want to help them solve problems. And so they opened up last late last year. So 18 months into the pandemic, they opened back up. And of course, all the contracts went out to bid. And except for ours, we are contracted and go out to bid, we got an email that came from the facilities manager to the director of the museum, and then that got forwarded to us. And it basically said, hey, you know, we've considered putting all the contracts out to bid, the janitorial included. But I really don't think that we should put them out to bid because over the last 18 months, reliable commercial cleaning has operated more like one of our own departments looking out for our own best interest than a contractor trying to look out for their own well being. And I was like, Wow, this mentality that I put forth to my people, they're actually doing it and showing fruit to our customers. And they never put us out to bid like they did all the other companies out there. Because everybody was kind of scrambling to how can they, how can they save money, keep their business alive. And I knew that if I wanted to stay alive, I needed to make them as successful as possible. And so we looked at cost saving initiatives, doing all these things to try and help them reduce their costs during the pandemic. So that way, they could stay open and stay in business. And so it was really cool to see that not just in my nonprofit life, but in my business as well. That same mentality works in both sectors.

Jen Amos: 48:27

Yeah, you know, thank you for sharing that story. And kind of the general takeaway I took is I kind of going back to what you were saying with, you know, it's actually selfish of me to help because of what I get in return. And it reminds me of, you know, one of genuine spirit books tribe by Sebastian Junger, who were trying to get on the show, so hey, shout out to anyone younger, anyway, you know, he talks about, like, my general take from that book is that, you know, part of good mental health is feeling needed, and contributing. And part of the reason why veterans suffer in post military life is they no longer feel needed, they no longer feel like they can contribute to something. And so I just really love you know, where your story started from, you know, started from being homeless, to wanting to just help and to serve and to feel needed and then helping other people, you know, feel the same way and do the same thing and taking those philosophies and here you are, during COVID, you know, still having been successful. And so I like how you say, social support, increases mental health, I went ahead and wrote that down for myself, and just a very powerful story and a powerful lesson to share.

: 49:29

That story really illustrated something I heard when we were talking about, you know, the three camps of mental health and that do I deserve to have PTSD because I'm not, you know, fill in the blank. I'm not from the soft community. I didn't serve more than four years. I you know, what have you and I think the power of that people first mentality is it's also come as you are, like, you deserve to be with other people, full stop, like, you deserve to be in a group and be well cared for and appreciated and loved. And the more that you feel those things sure, like that study showed like, you getting help from somebody doesn't feel half as good as you are giving help, but you have to fill up that bucket first before you're then able to be the bucket filler. Shout out to that book as well. We read that a lot at my house, the bucket filling book, but you know that that whole concept of like, deserving, you know, is really hard, I have noticed is really difficult for folks who come from a military and veteran background because you're so used to being of service, like, your whole career, right? The 70s has been voluntary, that that deserving peace officer often gets lost. And so you know, when you put people first I think it you know, it does a lot for them, and in turn will do a lot more for the community. And I you know, I mean, your your story about the museum speaks volumes, like your people continue to show up. And that made that company feel good, which in turn, capture your contract, which in turn will you know, go out into the community as you know, you guys are reliable, you know, and of service. And

Jen Amos: 51:29

I really respect that reframe that you did Sergeant key with your company you're like, even though people thought I was unreliable, even though people thought I was unreliable, and even I thought I was unreliable, I decided to name my company reliable. So just like you spoke it into existence. And I definitely commend you for that, as we start to wrap up here, Sergeant key, obviously, you have so many things to share. And I'll even include it in the show notes of what your a lot of the initiatives you have. But before we get going, is there anything else any other initiative, particularly the operation pop smoke that you would like to talk about before

: 51:59

we go, yeah, everything that I've been working on, you know, I've with my business, and then I do this small business development group, and then working with the veterans with Operation restore hope, where we go and build infrastructure, third world countries. And now I go and I teach this class, to colleges and to churches where they can use it in their church, as a small group, I've taken all of that stuff that I've learned, and I was still struggling to help guys who were in a mental health crisis. And we talked about this earlier, right? Where people who are in a mental health crisis part of their brain shuts down. I was a communication specialist when I was an angular CO. So my job was to be able to get good communications back and forth. And so I was like, I feel like I am trying to put together this puzzle. But I don't have the box. I don't know what it's supposed to look like. And I was writing my books. So I had all of the medical journals and Scripture and all of that stuff. But I still couldn't figure out how do I help people when they're in crisis? Like, how do we get them out? And we look at like the suicide hotline, right? That's the best thing that we have to help people who are in a mental health crisis, but it's still not effective. And there's a lot of reasons why. Number one is really difficult to build rapport with somebody when they're in the middle of that crisis mode, right. And a lot of people don't want to reach out. And another part is the brain is malfunctioning. So sometimes remembering what that number is, your brain can't figure it out. So that's why they've recently changed it to just a three digit number now, instead of the long one 800 number that it is because they realize this too. So I was trying to put this together and create something, and I couldn't figure it out. And one of my guys was dealing with suicidal ideations, and I just I didn't know how to really help him we had sent team out to go find him in the middle of the night, and because he was suicidal, and he'd left his house, and they found him on a freeway overpass. And so my guys, they call me like, Well, what do you want us to do? I said, Just go do a textbook snatching grab, get him off that overpass and take him to the VA hospital. And so that's exactly what they did. They rolled up on him hard and fast, jumped out, put them in the vehicle and took him to the hospital. And he got treatment. And he's doing great. Now we got him into some alcohol treatment. He's doing fantastic. But I was like, how do I help these guys in the moment, and I didn't know how to do it. So I just prayed about it. I said, God, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm failing. Even with the success that I'm having. I still don't know how to help these guys when they're in crisis. The next morning, I woke up. And I literally had these visions in my head. And so I just sketched them out on a notebook. And I sent them to a buddy of mine who runs a nonprofit film studio. I said, Hey, we need to shoot a video of this. He's like, Oh, you made me a storyboard. This is great. What is this for? I'm like, I don't know what a storyboard is. But okay, we need to shoot this. And so we did, we did this three minute PSA, and you can find it on YouTube. It's called Operation pop smoke. And we did it as a Kickstarter campaign to try and raise some money to be able to build this app for veterans. And when I saw that video for the first time, even when I was building it, and we were shooting it, I didn't truly understand what I was actually building. It wasn't until I was sitting in a room with the director and we were watching the final product and I was like, Oh my god. I see every component that needs to be in an app, a mobile app, guys have a phone on, everybody has a phone on them, right? It didn't even matter. I could be in the middle of the Cambodian jungle, everybody's got an iPhone, like it just that's just how our society is now. And so I created basically, it's an app that helps people when they're struggling with a mental health crisis. And it's a very simple concept. And it goes back to a lot of research that we've done. Number one, the Department of the Army did a 40 year long study to determine why the military was so formidable on the battlefield. And they narrowed it down to one element, which is the squad because we fight in squads are more successful, because every member of the squad values the squad over themselves, so they fight harder and longer to stay alive, because they don't want to let the squad down. And on the opposite side of that, every member of that squad knows that if they get injured or pinned down, that their squad is coming to get them, because we're never going to leave a man behind. So when I built this app, I built it as a squad based app. So a lot of mental health apps out there are just you interacting with technology, you're very isolated, you interacting with technology, or it's like a list of resources, or here's some meditation that you can do, all those things are great, but you're lacking that human connection. And so we already know that giving and receiving social support helps your mental health. So you download the app, and you have three friends download it. So now you have a group of four, and you give and receive social support. So if you're struggling with mental health, you don't have to think about who am I going to call? What am I going to say, you simply push one single button on the app, and it sends an alert out to your friends. Just like an Amber Alert, it pops up on their phone and they select it and it takes them into a chat feature. Now they're instantly chatting with an individual who's in distress. Now, it's really cool. Because if you're the person who initiated that signal, remember your brain is malfunctioning, we need to get you back into reality because you're stuck in a subconscious state. So we start a grounding technique. So when you initiate that signal to ask for help, it starts a cognitive reconditioning program, which is just a grounding technique that's been widely used in the mental health arena for decades. And it starts that process to help bring your cognitive thought process back online. So you can have rational decision making skills. So when that takes about 15 seconds, and then you're chatting with your team, but let's say if you're a team member, and that person doesn't answer up, or they're saying something that that may be concerning, a lot of times we're trying to scramble to figure out, where's this person? How can we find them? Well, when you push that button on the app, it turns on your GPS locator, and now your friends and family can navigate directly to your position. And that's why we call it operation pop smoke, because on the battlefield, I would use smoke to signal the helicopter to come in to pick up our dead and wounded I would pop smoke and throw it on the battlefield. And they would know right where to come to pick us up. And so that's why we named it operation pop smoke, and now it has developed beyond that there's a hospital system out of North Carolina who is took us on. And we've changed the name to que actual because we can actually quantify your mental health now, because we have other tools in there that help you track your mental health every single day you do a daily wellness check. And at the end of the week, you get a printout of your daily, weekly and monthly mental health. And if you're being seen by a mental health professional, you can share that data with them to help they have a more targeted approach to your time that you're working with your mental health counselor. So it just finished his medical trials with 100% success rate for preventing suicide and we were over 90% successful at preventing re admittance into the hospital for suicidal ideations. So it's fantastic. I'm super excited. And I just joined the L band program out of Stanford. They're gonna help me scale this business and get it into every emergency room across the nation this year.

Jen Amos: 58:32

Sergeant Q I just, I'm in admiration of how you've taken your military experience and PTSD experience into your business endeavors and nonprofit endeavors. And, you know, even now to doing operation pop smoke. So just kudos to you. You had all the applause. And I'm just so grateful to have spent this time to speak with you today. Genuine, any thoughts? Same

: 58:57

Ditto. Like I am so grateful for the work that you put out in the world and continue to put out in the world and I am really excited to watch the growth of pop smoke and cue actual I do I am pretty. I do really like the pop smoking better. Like I mean, it's very catchy, like you're not going to forget that it's there. Also understand how that translate in the civilian world. Got it. But yeah, you know, I'm just I'm excited to watch these things grow and do good work.

: 59:29

Yeah. I have one parting thought for all the listeners out there, that a lot of times we experience pain and disappointment and trauma, and all of that stuff holds us back poverty, abuse, addiction, all of those things. They truly do hold us back and some of them are our fault and some of them Ark, but it's true. All of that stuff holds us back. And I like to call it the slingshot analogy. If you look at a stone on the ground, it's probably not going to move very far in your lifetime. But if you pick up that stone, you can throw it it may Move 10 or 20 meters. But if you take that same stone, and you put it in a sling shot, the farther you pull it back, when you release it, it's gonna go farther than anybody ever thought possible. And you see, we are that same stone, and all that trauma, and disappointment and abuse that we've suffered in our life, it's holding us back, but it's only holding us back because we refuse to let go of it. So the minute that you choose to let go of the pain of your past, that's going to be the catalyst to launch you farther into your future than anyone ever thought possible. And I'm living proof of that. That's exactly what I've done. Instead of letting the pain of my past hold me back and define me, I've used it as a catalyst, and I ride it like lightning, on to victory. Wonderful,

Jen Amos: 1:00:45

considering how you're a man of faith, what comes to mind for me is like, go and let God so so thank you. Thank you, sir, for all that. Well, we will be providing your contact information in the show notes. But certainly, why don't you let our listeners know if there's a direct way they can contact you? Or if there's anything you want to direct them to? Where would you like to send them? The easiest way

: 1:01:04

to contact me if you want to book me for a speaking engagement or come and teach in your organization, you can go to Sergeant q.net. So s GT q.net. And when you go there, you can find links to everything else that I do. So if you're a veteran and you want to come on mission with us, it's Q missions.org. If you want more information about our suicide prevention technology, it's Q actual UCI keep that Q branding, right? Yep. But if you don't remember any of that, you can just go to Sargent q.net. And we can get you LinkedIn from there to everything else that we're working on. And so with the book, there's the book, and then there's an online course you can go through to healing through service.com. So we have a lot of resources out there. But you got to be willing to use them.

Jen Amos: 1:01:47

Well, thank you so much Sergeant cue, you are so needed and valued and appreciated. And we are honored to have had you on our show today. So thanks. Awesome.

: 1:01:57

Well, thank you, Jen and Jenny Lynn. I really appreciate the opportunity. And I look forward to coming back on and sharing more stuff with you guys. It's been a great podcast.

Jen Amos: 1:02:05

Yeah. Well, you're part of the family now. So you're kind of stuck with us. And yes, we'll probably have you back on in the future. All right. So with that said, thank you all so much for joining us and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.