009: How young couples can nurture long distance relationships with Madison Lange

Jen Amos 0:00

There's no need to wait on your service member to share secondhand information anymore. Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show where we put military spouses and children's needs front and center so that they can make informed decisions together as a family. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. Let's get started.

All right. Hi, everyone. Jen amo is here with holding down the fort podcast show. I am super excited to be doing this episode today, because we are introducing you Madison Lange, who is an Air Force girlfriend, and she's going to be sharing a little bit about her story. And typically on this show, we have brought on like experts and people to give very particular advice to the military community. But I thought this would be a special episode where we actually share the story of, you know, a military spouse, or potential military spouse, however you want to call it, and what they're going through and what they're doing to make it work with their service members. So Madison, welcome to the show.

Unknown Speaker 1:16

Hello, thank you for having me.

Jen Amos 1:18

Yeah, it's my absolute pleasure. Why don't we start with you sharing? How did you hear about the podcast show? And more importantly, why did you decided to share your story on our show today?

Speaker 1 1:30

So I heard about it when I found you guys on Instagram after you had followed me. And we're keeping up with my posts. And when I found the first episode, I told my boyfriend, I was like, you know, this is a really good outlet for not just spouses, but like even girlfriends, because they don't really have as much help, as actual spouses do, because they're not considered important, I guess, is a way to say it.

Jen Amos 2:00

Yeah, it's like you're not on paper yet. It's not Yes, exactly. And even so whether you end up ever being on paper, you know, because it just depends on people's choices. Like, there's still it's still really difficult to be in a relationship with someone in the military. It's a very unique, it's one thing to be in a long distance relationship. But it's another thing to be with someone who's in the military, because, you know, they could be with people in the military, you just, you just never know, things change so rapidly, and you're constantly thinking like, okay, are they going to come back home to me? Is there going to be a war? Anything going to happen? And it's so you know, because there's nothing on paper yet? or what have you like, you're kind of like, what do I do in my situation for someone that is still dating, and nothing is set in stone. So I think it's really cool how you wanted to be a part of this podcast, I actually had someone who is new and young, in the military, it's a young military family, and they felt like they weren't qualified to be on the show. And I was like, Well, you know, it's your choice. At the end of the day, I'm not going to force anyone to be on the show. But you know, it's unfortunate that they already discredited themselves. Yeah. When you know, especially when you're new and young and military, it would be very, there's, there's a story in that. And there's some lessons to learn in that. And there's everyone's in a different stage when it comes to their affiliation or involvement with the military. So, you know, once again, I just want to thank you for wanting to be on our show,

Unknown Speaker 3:25

of course, and so excited.

Jen Amos 3:28

Yeah, absolutely. So why don't we talk a little bit about you know, you and how you met your service member? And how long have you two been together?

Speaker 1 3:38

So, I moved to Texas, in the beginning of August of last year. And I knew nobody. So me being the college girl that I am I downloaded Tinder.

Jen Amos 3:51

Nice. Yeah. Real. That's real that happens nowadays.

Speaker 1 3:55

Oh, yes. And he had just gotten back from his deployment. And that was when like, we matched. And so we had been talking on and off kind of just as friends and like, saying, oh, like, I hope you have a good day, those kinds of things. And for the longest time, I thought that he did not like me, because he never answered any of my messages. And then I eventually found out that it was just because he can't have his phone on him when he's in the office because of what his job is. So I was like, Okay, that makes more sense. And we went on our first date, in October of last year and started dating the 17th of October, so almost 11 months we've been together. Oh,

Jen Amos 4:46

yeah. You know, it's funny how you mentioned that because I had a good friend who was dating a service member and one of her number one complaints was that he wasn't responsive. And one thing that one thing that you we have to understand about the military is that it's not that they mean to ghost us or be unresponsive, it's that a lot of times their job requires them to not be in your their phone, you know? Yeah, so and so it's not like, it's not like a regular maybe corporate job where you're working in the office, you could have your phone next to you and watch YouTube videos and, you know, be online and stuff like that. So I think that's a common thing that for anyone that is interested in pursuing someone in the military to know that they're literally not allowed to be on their phones at certain times while they're in duty. So they're really good to know and in for anyone that feels like they're struggling in that way. Just know that it's not necessary. You it's, you can blame the military. The military, for Yeah, for the unresponsiveness. So well, awesome. So when we first reached out to you, I know at the time, we found your blog entry about how to deal with someone you love being overseas. And at that time, you were working as a nanny, and doing other things to keep busy. Well, I would love to hear about like your life today and what it what it looks like as as your service members overseas.

Speaker 1 6:10

So I'm still a nanny I nanny for a family in the military also. So working with them also kind of helps keep me grounded, I guess, in a way and just knowing that, like, it's not the end of the world. Now that I'm in school, I do I have class and then I go straight to work. And with it being class different times in different days. I epically will get up extremely early for no reason at all. Just to make sure that my day goes as I want it. Yeah, but I do I have. I have Ethan call me at his door when he goes to lunch so that I wake up on time. And then I'll get up and I usually help my mom in the morning just to make sure that the boys go to school on time. And then it's me time until class and I go to class, I come home, I start working on homework, and then Ethan gets off work around 10 o'clock my time and I call him when he gets home and I'm on the phone with him until I get to work. Now that's like a good chunk of my time, we're extremely spoiled with the fact that he's not deployed. So I don't know how it's gonna work when he gets deployed, because I'm gonna remember the time that I didn't have to deal with that.

Jen Amos 7:28

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Speaker 1 9:38

He is in logistics. Hmm, Cool. Cool. So he's got a big office. Job.

Jen Amos 9:45

Yay, office. Yeah, so he could be on his phone. No, just kidding.

Speaker 1 9:51

Well, I mean, if he was I don't think any work would get done.

Jen Amos 9:56

Yeah, no def definitely, definitely. Well, let's go ahead and and talk about just the lifestyle that you're living with him, which is this, this long, distant relationship. And I know you mentioned in your blog, which if anyone's interested, it's the word of mads.com. And in her, she has a blog entry called dealing with someone you love being overseas. And initially, you're kind of explaining it as if you're, you didn't mean to say it this way. But you're like, let me tell you how I put up with this lifestyle. But it's not really putting up with it. It's more like how have you adapted to this lifestyle? And so there's a couple of ways that you have done that. And for anyone that is about to enter a long distance relationship, or you're already in one, and you're looking for some advice, or just reassurance that to keep the relationship alive and know that you're doing the right things to keep it going, why don't you share some ways that you and Ethan have kept your relationship alive and keep it going? Especially since you know, even though you've been together for 11 months, like it sounds like you both have really collaborated into making the relationship work. So why don't why don't you share that with us today.

: 11:07

So when he first found out he was leaving, We'd only been dating for about three months. So it kind of just like sprung on us. And when I was thinking about writing this blog post, I was thinking about the fact that there's not really anybody who talks about this kind of stuff. And if they do, they're not really in a relationship that like I'm in. And they're not going through something where you can't just go see them whenever you want. It's one of those things where you're like, I actually have to wait. So we FaceTime literally every single day, all day, and it keeps the fight that keeps but happy to like it keeps everything in there. Because I mean, you get mad because FaceTime cuts out, you're like, What did you say, turns into a huge fight, because you're like, you heard me say this, and then it just, it happens every single day. But that's part of what happens. And you can't really get mad about that. And so we do that we make sure that we say good night and good morning every single day. And typically it's me saying good morning to him and him saying good night to me. And that's just something that's worked for us for the last however many months has been. And I think that it's really important to be able to do that. Because if you don't do that, it kind of just sets your whole day off. And I have had care packages planned for this boy since before we even knew he was going. And I think that they're a fun way to like write in someone say if something bad happened, and they're like, oh, I have a package. And then it's just a huge package of all kinds of stuff that they don't get over there. And he'll send me his clothes, like his shirts, and his hoodies and stuff like that. And it's kind of just turned into this little game of well, who's going to send it next, because we keep a journal, which his aunt and uncle have given us this idea. And I think that's the greatest idea anybody has ever given us. Because basically, we're just writing letters, but we write multiple at a time and then ship it to each other. And we read those and then we write letters back and then ship it back. So it's kind of just like a keepsake kind of thing. Instead of having multiple pieces of paper. We have a journal for it so we can archive it in a way.

Jen Amos: 13:33

What you're saying is that you instead of sending letters you have like this journal that you mail back and forth, as if you're kind of continuing the conversation. That's so cool. I've never heard of that. That's a great idea.

: 13:46

Yeah, here's an uncle. The day I met them. They told us about it because his uncle had deployed or he was PCs thing overseas, and they had just started dating. So they were kind of in the same boat that we are. And so they told us about this. And I looked at them and I was like that's a genius idea. And so we ended up doing it.

Jen Amos: 14:09

Yeah. So listeners if you are in the same situation or you're about to be in the same situation, consider getting a journal that you can mail back and forth to your service member. I think that's a brilliant idea. And if anyone else is doing that, feel free to let us know reach out to us we have information in the show notes of how to get a hold of us but we'd love to hear if you are doing it how has it been working for you and if you have any more tips on that, but brilliant idea. Just never heard before. So you do FaceTime I like how you are always doing saying good morning and good night. You know one thing that my husband and I do is we just automatically say I love you to each other and the moment we get even if I just go upstairs in my car I'm going upstairs love you, you know, and I think just being able to check in like that like to make it normal to reassure someone that you love them. When the problems really do come up. It's like you remember that you're grounded. And you remember like, yeah, like we do love each other. And so that these conversations, they won't be as difficult, I think. Because if you kind of have all that, if you don't do that, then like these issues start to accumulate, and then you feel neglected. But the last thing you'll do is feel neglected. If you, you know, do a routine of saying good morning and good night. So I think that's really awesome that you and Ethan do that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, that's really cool. So we, we talked a little bit about your life and Ethan, and some advice for anyone that is in a long distance relationship, especially with a service member, Madison, is there anything else you want to share with us any other tips or just things you want to share with our listeners today?

: 15:47

Just remembering that it's not forever. And I say this almost every single day, even if it's a deployment, it's not a set amount of time. I mean, yes, it changes all the time. But they come and go, and they're not going to last for your entire life. And I have to remember that, especially with Ethan and him wanting to do this for an extended period of time, we're going to do long distance multiple times, but they're going to end and then start again. So you have that time with them for it to be just you too. So just remembering that it's not forever is something really big that I've been needing to remind myself every single day.

Jen Amos: 16:28

Yeah, yeah, I think that's really good advice. Sometimes when things get really hard, and you feel really lonely, or what have you, it's easy to think that that's kind of, you kind of think that's like what the rest of your life will look like. But as we know, with a lot of people in the military, they all eventually get out, or they end up getting stationed somewhere where the family can live. And so I you know, to me, Madison, it sounds like you just have such a positive outlook on all of this and your relationship with Ethan. And it sounds like you've been very proactive with maintaining and managing, nurturing, really nurturing the relationship, I think is a better way to describe it. And so yeah, I just want to thank you so much for sharing a little bit about your life today. And you know, your relationship with Ethan and some advice for us, for people that do want to reach out to you and maybe ask for advice or just connect with you overall, how can they do that?

: 17:28

Definitely, by my Instagram. I mean, that's really the only way that I communicate with people on my Instagram.

Jen Amos: 17:36

Yes, that's how we met. Awesome, awesome. Yes. And you can all find Madison on Instagram at Madison and 16. And I'll be sure to have that in the show notes. So with that said, Madison, I want to thank you so much for your time today on our show. I'm sure our listeners are going to benefit from this conversation. And listeners, as I said, if you want to get a hold of her that it'd be in the show notes. So Madison Lange, I want to thank you again so much for sharing your story. I want to thank you for our listeners for listening in and we look forward to seeing you all in the next episode. Take care now.