023: “Hi, my name is Amy. Will you be my emergency contact?” Establishing new communities as an extrovert, entrepreneurship and military spouse mental health with Amy Shick

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome, and thanks for joining us for another episode of holding down the fort, a podcast show where we put military spouses and children's needs front and center so that they can make informed decisions together as a family. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jenny, most a veteran spouse, and Goldstar daughter, and your host for today's show. Let's get started.

All right. Hi, everyone. Welcome to holding down the four podcast show. My name is John Amos, and I am your host for today as always, actually. And I'm really excited because every time I get to do another show, it means that I get to interview another incredible person in our military community. So I want to introduce you all to Amy Schick. Amy is a military spouse, mom and entrepreneur. She's actually a serial entrepreneur, taking a break from the hustle to enjoy time with her family and serve her army community. This is currently allowing her time to focus on her personal and professional development and research and explore her next endeavor. Amy, welcome to the show.

Unknown Speaker 1:11

Thank you so much for having me, Jen.

Jen Amos 1:13

Yes, it's my absolute pleasure. And our listeners don't know this. But just two days ago, we were supposed to do our recording, but we ended up just having an offline conversation for two hours. Yes. And it was awesome. I loved having the time to bond with you and learn more about you and your story. And I had appreciated you taking the time to learn about me as well. So thank you for that precious time that we had two days ago.

Speaker 1 1:37

Absolutely. I really enjoyed it. I love getting to know new people and just really getting to know other spouses and the stories behind their lives and what has guided them along the way.

Jen Amos 1:48

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I imagine because one of the things we talked about offline, is that you identify as an extrovert. And so first and foremost, you know, to be an extrovert, as a military spouse, like, how has that been like for you?

Speaker 1 2:00

Well, it's helped me in a way, because we're always moving, my husband deploys and leaves often. So when we move into new communities, which is often we pretty much move every other year, it really helps me feel a part of that community and get to know people quickly. And then it also helps me guide my kids because they are also extroverts. So that is super helpful. On the flip side, because I am an extrovert, I tend to be a little like, I don't want to say in your face, but I think sometimes it's intimidating to some of the introverts that are a little bit more shy. It's like, wow, this woman just said hello to me. And now we're having this conversation about all this deep stuff. Like, I don't know if I can take this.

Jen Amos 2:46

Wow. You know, honestly, it's a relief when I run into people, such as yourself that loves to open people up. Because although I can do that myself, it's so nice when someone else does it, because it's like, oh, cool, I don't have to work too hard to keep this conversation going. Because Amy's just intrigued by me already.

Speaker 1 3:07

But I do I love our Army Community. And you know, when you're in this life for so long, you start to have these different mutual friends. So there's only like six degrees of separation. So even if we move to a new location, there is someone there that I need, that we have, like a mutual friend or a mutual duty station, or just some kind of mutual experience. So I just feel like that also lends to feeling a sense of community early on in those moves when you're trying to get settled and feel comfortable in your new hometown.

Jen Amos 3:39

Yeah, I feel like I feel like change can really make or break relationships. You know, I think it gets you to almost bond faster, because you can't go through change and transition by yourself. Like you need help and to ask other people for help. It's how do I explain it? It's like people feel more compelled to going out of their way to help you if you ask them. Because of that, that service, you get to know people a lot more and, and I feel like create that bond faster. As opposed to you know, I was thinking about how I lived in San Diego for 20 years. And I never knew my neighbors. Because, yes, there was no need, like we didn't need each other, you know, and I feel like when there's a lot of moving going on a lot of change. Like you're more you're more likely to reach out for help. Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 4:23

And there's this running joke amongst military spouses. That is, Hi, my name is Amy, what's your name? Will you be my emergency contact? I love it. Whenever you move somewhere and you've got children, anytime you sign them up for anything school, daycare, even health care, you have to listen emergency contact that's local. So most of the time your husband is unavailable, at least for to be in emergency contact or you know, he's going to deploy so you kind of look around and go okay, well you look nice. You have kids, will you be my

Jen Amos 4:57

you look trustworthy? Yes.

Speaker 1 4:59

Trustworthy. So it's like this running joke. But I also think that need is like you said, what accelerates those friendships, right? And so, you know, it's kind of funny, because I mean, my friends tease me, even my kids. So like, Mom, if you were in the army, and you are getting promoted, you would invite every commissary cashier and bagger to your promotion. I love Yes, I do. I just I get to know people. It's how I feel comfortable within my own little world and community.

Jen Amos 5:31

Yeah, no, absolutely. It's interesting, because ever since I moved to Virginia, with my husband, I've really gotten to experience this southern hospitality, like we know all our neighbors by first name and relations with them when I run into them. And then even when I'm just walking on the beach, or taking my dog out, people just want to say hello to you. And it's something I'm not used to coming from San Diego and where I had lived, like people who are just so invested in staring at their phones, or, you know, there's also this fear of just, you know, just parents being really protective and saying, don't talk to strangers. Like that's a very common phrase. Yeah. And of course, it's fair, you know, to say that, but you know, it was like the number one thing that at least my mom would say, like, don't talk to strangers, don't go in anyone's car, if you don't know them, you

Speaker 1 6:20

know, like stranger danger. Yeah, exactly.

Jen Amos 6:23

And yet here, and maybe that's because I was younger. But now that I'm an adult, it's like, I really feel like I get to experience this local hospitality that I kind of wish I experienced growing up. But you know, I'm grateful to experience it now. And to and I feel like, you're that kind of person that I'm sure that if I ran into on the street, we probably would, you know, become friends really quickly.

Speaker 1 6:44

Absolutely, this life is such that, you know, you live it with your spouse, but you also live it independently. So your community, you rely on them a lot. And so for me, I just feel like, I want to get to know the community, I want to invest in the community, I want to see how my contributions could, you know, make an improvement or help it along, or just leave it better than how I found it, you know, and that's, from my yard all the way to, you know, the kids school, or whatever it is, that is my pet rock project, you know, at that moment, or at that location. But I feel like that's how you can live this life. And even though we move so much, and we don't get to know, people for years, you can still feel fulfilled, you know, when it's when it comes time to retire. And it also helps you know, you pick a location where you want to retire since you can retire anywhere in the country. Yeah, like, Well, where do we have the most friends? Or, you know, where did we enjoy life the most are? And we've got a lot to pick from? So I think that helps, too.

Jen Amos 7:52

Yeah, absolutely. Well, why don't we go ahead and just talk a little bit more about your life today. Amy, we hinted a little bit about how you're a mother, how you were a serial entrepreneur. But why don't we talk about give us a snapshot of your life today? Particularly what keeps you busy and most excited about life nowadays?

Speaker 1 8:11

Um, well, we have got a lot going on and a lot more than most people can I actually had like a little mini meltdown yesterday, cuz I just was flooded with so many emotions, that I just couldn't handle it all. It's good stuff. It's bad stuff. It's, it's everything. But you know, we all have, you know, when your cup starts to overflow, you just can't handle it. So I had a little cry session yesterday. Oh, so we're at the tail end of a nine month deployment. And we know that we're going to be moving in in June, but we also are purchasing a house across the country that we're buying remotely, we've actually never seen it in person. Wow. So there's a lot going on. Right? So I think between, you know, Jason coming home from his deployment, you know, buying the house and knowing that we're going to be set up for our move. And then also, you know, we have a daughter that's going to be graduating this like a summer. And then we also have moved. So I feel like there was just so much exciting stuff that you know, it's and there's a lot of anticipation, right? I mean, we're counting down the days for Jason coming home. And of course, this deployment, you know, the 8.9 months of it has flown by so fast. And then of course, the last bit of it is just dragging along. But I also have two kids that play travel hockey, so we travel an insane amount for hockey, which it's a lot of fun. It keeps the kids busy. They also have their own kind of tribe of support and really great coaches and mentors. And I really think that that's helped with the deployment, and then working on my next project. So yeah, There's been, it's been a lot. So just taking it one day at a time, one of my friends, who's also been a business partner of mine, something that she taught me years ago was, how do you eat an elephant, one bite at a time. So, you know, you've got these giant projects within your life or, you know, whatever it is. And you just have to break them down and take it one day at a time, do what you can, and get creative, get resourceful, and just figure it out. So that's kind of what we're doing.

Jen Amos: 10:37

Yeah, I love that phrase. And that's something I've been telling myself lately is you know how to eat an elephant, one bite at a time, there's a lot of phrases I've heard out there, too, like, there's this book called, eat the frog, and it tells you like, it sounds disgusting. But the whole idea is, you know, start with the task that you hate the most, you know, get that out of the way so that all the other tasks will be a lot easier. And I also have a phrase that I made up for myself, that goes something like, I'm going to do the best with the resources that I have, with the time that I'm given. And that's all you can do, you know, you just got to play the cards that are dealt in front of you for that timeframe, however long that is. And you know, my husband and I work together and it's chaos every day. And I have learned and I was telling our admin assistant this the other day that you know, we're never going to get everything done it, we're never going to be completed. But the whole idea is to be inspired by the fact that we're busy. First of all, I mean, that's a good problem to have, and to just focus on the tasks that are most pressing the ones that will make up for the tasks that end up, you know, falling through the cracks. But yeah, there's only so much you can do. And it sounds like you're really like you said you're taking it day by day. And that's all you can do

: 11:51

it is and I love that that you're doing the best you can with the resources and time that you have. And that's really what I live by. And it was interesting, because I was listening to Gary Vee on LinkedIn the other day, and he said, you know, everyone functions a little differently. And the gist of the point he was making was some people, they only want to pick up five balls, and they want to make sure that all those five balls don't get dropped. And other people are like, look, I'm going to pick up 50 balls. And if a couple balls ended up dropping, like I'm okay with that, because I know that I got the other 47. So I think that's also just, you know, in this life, which you know, gets kind of crazy at times, figuring out what kind of person you are, and then building a life around that. Like, I'm very much a 50 ball person. And if I drop a couple, well guess what I've got tomorrow, I've got tonight, you know, like, I'll make it work. But other people are just like, oh my gosh, that would be complete chaos to me, I could not function that way. I think it's just kind of finding what works for you. And I think that's important, because this life does create challenges that, you know, you wouldn't have to navigate if you were stationary in one place and, and didn't move around so much and you know, had dual parent family that you could count on that, you know that that CO parent always been there. Yeah. But you know, some of the resources that I use, I am a bit of a scatterbrain. And everyone that knows me, you know, knows that I am kind of scatterbrained and so for me a couple things that that I do is I have my calendar, and it's my monthly calendar, I write everything in it, and it is always in my bag, and my kids go to it. And if they need to know something that isn't on like a scheduling app, like for sports or school, and if they want to know what's going on, they always go to that one calendar that I write everything in. But then the other thing that my friend Lauren Roethlisberger developed, she's the friend of mine, that we were also business partners. And now she does consulting and developing and implementing for small businesses. So something that she created is called the daily curator and it's just a little booklet, it's good for 34 days before you get a new one. And it's got a section for your your grocery lists and your your dinners for the week. Because that's all I can focus on at the time. Like I can't plan dinners for more than a week. But each page is dedicated for each day. And so you've got your daily gratitude is what you start with which I love that because I like to practice gratitude every day because I feel like it keeps me positive and motivated and thankful. But it also has like a very short list for chores, a very short list for daily targets and then A shortlist for work admin, you know, workout and mindfulness, right. So that's all you get. So what I love about it is you only have so many hours in the day. So to write a to do list for that day, that's got 45 items, well, that's just overwhelming, and you're not going to get to them all. So if at the end of the day, you look at that 45, list, you know, 45 item list, you're not going to feel very productive. But this way, it kind of limits you to what is realistic for your day. And then you can also plan in like, okay, at nine o'clock, I have a doctor's appointment at 1130, I've got a meeting with the PTA, or at five o'clock, I've got a meeting, you know, for work what you know, whatever it is, and that now you're just looking at one day, and it's part of that, you know, one bite at a time, you know, with like, you know, the saying about the elephant, it just kind of breaks up your day, you know, so then now you got a little roadmap for just today, you're not thinking about yesterday, you're not thinking about tomorrow, you're focused on today. And it's been a huge help, especially when I feel like, oh, gosh, there's so much to do, and I haven't gotten anything done, I just kind of flipped through like past days. And then I can instantly see what I did those days, and how much I've actually accomplished. So it's also just a little thing to kind of keep me going. But staying organized. And writing those tasks down is a must, especially during a deployment, right? I mean, you wouldn't run a marathon without preparing. Yeah. And so deployments, I feel like are the same way in order to thrive, you've got to set yourself up for success, whether that's getting yourself organized, you know, whether it's identifying and eliminating toxic relationships or things that aren't filling your cup, you know, you have to prepare for it and get ready for it and set yourself and your if you have children, your children up for it, because it is like a marathon a long time. And the more you're you set yourself up in the beginning, I feel like when you have those really bad days, you're able to bounce back from them just a little bit easier. So that is one of the ways that I kind of navigate this life and one of the tools that I use, and now I use the daily curator on my calendar, you know, every day whether Jason's deployed or not, because face it, there's so much going on. I can't keep it all in my head.

Jen Amos: 17:29

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: 17:59

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Jen Amos: 18:58

I like the idea of the daily curator, and I appreciate you sharing that, you know, I always say that. I don't have any tattoos. But I always say that if I ever got a tattoo, it would say, Give us this day our daily bread. Because what that means is that, you know, you just have to focus on getting, at least for me, I interpret it as you have just enough to get through the day, you have just enough to focus on today. And only today. It doesn't say Give us this day or monthly bread. It's like no, it's our daily bread. Right? And so when I think of that, it's like, it's like yeah, I really just have to focus on one day at a time. That's all you really can do it because otherwise you're just going to be anxious or worried. And you're going to think about things that probably won't actually happen, you know, and how far off you're thinking it's gonna happen. And I think in the military life, it really is about being present with your current circumstances. So I love that that you do that and I also love that you, you know, with a family as well you know, it's one thing for an Individual like just a military spouse to try to get organized, but I love how you include your kids, your teenagers in it as well with a monthly calendar.

: 20:08

Oh, yes. Because you know, with kids once they become teenagers, and I think that's why this deployment has been so challenging for me is that past deployments, my kids were little. And so I was dictating everything about their schedule, right. So it was easy to kind of feel like you had everything kind of contained. Where now when they leave for school, the bees are out of the jar. And, you know, I've got one that's working one that's going to tutoring one that has hockey practice these three nights a week and volunteers for this hockey team these nights a week. And then I've got another one that's got other hockey practice and, you know, other tutoring or you know, or she wants to, you know, come home, do her homework, and then go play with her neighborhood friends. So there's a lot more going on. And they're also teenagers. So they sometimes don't make the best decisions, or, you know, it's Hey, Mom, I backed up into a pole. No, or no, you know, your son missed school today, we need to note and it's like, oh, we missed school. Well, guess what, from what I know, he got on the bus to go to school. So obviously, we have a conversation, right? He had like, cut school one day. And so you know, you've got that to deal with, on top of all these other tasks just to maintain life, and so that you're also thriving, the family's moving along, everybody's safe, everybody's healthy, and you're kind of getting through this time. So it has been a huge challenge for me, and, and my kids really are great kids, and they really aren't good teenagers. But, you know, they're still teenagers. And it just is it's finding what's going to work for you in that season. And I truly believe that life is filled with seasons. And when the kids were younger and didn't have as much outside activity, and they weren't, you know, managing their own kind of schedules and what they wanted their life to look like and what they wanted to be involved in, and I had more control of it, I was able to volunteer a lot more, I was able to be active with their schools a lot more, and do those things that were important to me at that location. And at that time, but then, you know, I shifted to another season where I was building a business. So the time that I was spending in the kids schools, or with different other volunteer opportunities within the military unit or on the post, I had to really scale those down to make room for my business. So while I missed, you know, being involved in that way, you know, because I was able to be all in it at that time, I was able to say I was fulfilled with that. And now it's time to move to another season and focus on this. So I think that's also important, because when you're moving so much, it's kind of like being in the witness program. I mean, you've got a new house, you've got a new hairdresser, sometimes you have a new car, I mean, the only thing that kind of stays the same is like your name and like your kids, you know, but yeah, you have to reinvent yourself at each location. But there's some goodness to that, right. And there's the opportunity there. And so I really want to encourage military spouses to look at this life as a series of opportunities to really transition into different seasons, and use these deployments and use the different moves and the different locations to really kind of curate the life that they want at that time. And in that season. And so when you look at it, it's kind of a gift. Because if you're stationary in your one place, and you've volunteered for an organization for say, five to six years, you may not be fulfilled by that role, or even if it's a job, you may not feel fulfilled in that role, but you may be kind of on autopilot, because you haven't had anything force you to change. And so I just hope that people are looking at these as opportunities, instead of looking at it at such a deficit. Now, the military spouse careers have really suffered for many, many years, especially with so many combat deployments since 2001. It's made working and building your career very difficult. But there are so many new companies and organizations that are really changing that landscape for military spouses. And the internet itself has been a vehicle in order to do that. So a lot more military spouses are finding fulfilling work and careers through remote work, which is amazing, right? That yes, they can kind of have this military lifestyle and have the career and make it work within within their lifestyle. I mean, that's a luxury, right? I mean, usually your work life is dictating your lifestyle outside of work. And so to be able to meld those two worlds together, now, there's a lot more work that needs to be done. But organizations like instant teams and Weizen advise and, you know, the nonprofit organizations like in fan and turn the sink, there's so many of them, and some of them are escaping my mind right now. But they're really pushing, you know, military, Spouse Employment. And it has been amazing the traction, and how many large companies are really seeing the value that military spouses and their resiliency and flexibility and resourcefulness can enhance their companies. So it's exciting to watch it and to see how much change has happened in such a short amount of time. And when you get a group of dedicated people together, a lot of change can happen quickly. So that's been exciting to watch.

Jen Amos: 26:10

Yeah, there's two things that really stood out to me. And you just speaking right now, Amy, and the first one is to really look at every deployment or PCs as an opportunity to rediscover yourself or, or even explore a different version of yourself. Where Yeah, you think of the average civilian no offense to them. But you know, the average civilian who stays in one place, you know, you typically just like you kind of what you were saying, you know, eventually you get to a job and you're on autopilot, because it's, it's comfortable, it's there, you know, there's no reason to quit and and even if you don't like it, you're getting paid just enough to stay, you know, where I think with military spouses, it's like, you can start over or you can rediscover yourself, like we're saying. And the second thing is just how many incredible resources are out there today. One of the companies, my husband and I work with is called vert force. And yes, yeah, it's run by military spouses. And we actually hired two military spouses from that organization to work with us. So one of them is my admin assistant today. And then the other one is our digital marketing strategist. And I love working with them. I feel like they're just so much more motivated than the average American because they have to juggle so much. And they're their mothers too, you know, so they have to, like we've had weekly calls where well, first of all, we're in different time zones. They're in Hawaii. And we're at Eastern time. So there's a six hour difference. So sometimes, like recently, we found out that Hawaii doesn't have daylight savings. So so it actually worked in their favor, because typically, our weekly calls are one o'clock Eastern, which is 7am their time, but with daylight savings, it's switched to eight o'clock in the morning, their time, but in the times when we had them kind of chime in, and the weekly team calls, you could hear you know, kids in the background because they're dropping off their kids, you know, it's a school. Yeah, I just love the fact that we can support military spouses. Like when they apologize, like, Oh, I'm sorry for my child. It's like, hey, we know what we signed up for, like we know the life that you're living, like, don't worry about you don't need to apologize. Now, if your kid is sitting next to you the entire time. Maybe that's a whole other conversation. But you know, I obviously you can only control your child so much, and, and the noise that happens around it. But you know, I think because, you know, my husband is a veteran, and I was a military child myself. It's like, we understand that lifestyle. And it just I don't know, it's that familiarity and deep understanding that we know that you are doing your best and you're doing such an awesome job at it. And when they do have the time to focus and work with us. They really do deliver. And so there's something special I think about military spouses, and when you give them the opportunity to work because they want to work.

: 28:51

They do. I do. And so when I partnered up with Lauren, and we started military property project, we both lived at Fort Benning, Georgia. And then shortly after I moved to Fairbanks, Alaska at Fort Wainwright, and then she ended up moving to Fort Leavenworth, but was only there for one year. And then we ended up selling the business and joining Millie, the team of Millie and building Millie. And then I was still in Alaska, but then moved to Tampa, Florida. And then Lauren was moved from Fort Leavenworth to Germany. And then with the Millie team. I mean, we were all over the place. There were people at Fort Bragg. There were people in Washington DC Lauren was in Germany. I was in Alaska and then Tampa. And so it's amazing what you can do when you work remotely and being an extrovert. Sometimes it is difficult to work remotely because I'm in like isolation. However, because I am a little scatterbrained working remotely, actually. Leave for productivity is so much better for me because I can, you know, schedule my day, I've got my meetings, I've got my day planned out, you know my timeframes, and then I don't have anyone disturbing me when I'm sitting down to do my work, and I can crank out so much more work. And then of course, if I need feedback, I will just email it to my partner and, and get feedback, you know, and move on to something else, while I'm waiting for feedback. So I feel like it's kind of the best of both worlds. And then, you know, of course, it's a luxury to be able to wear whatever you want to go to gym and go do your workout at whatever time and schedule your day around it. And so even when I was working with SAP LabCorp, it was with my sister, and she was in California, and I was in Tampa. And now I'm in North Carolina. So you just make it work. You know, there's a like a Latin saying that was like the motto for one of my husband's companies in the army. And I cannot say the Latin part of it. But it basically means find a way or make one. And that, you know, that was the motto for this like reconnaissance troop. And we've kind of adopted that motto for our family that, like there's a way you just have to figure it out. But there is a way to solve every problem, you just have to figure it out. But resourcefulness is a skill that I think is kind of underrated. And I think people I guess would see it is like a soft skill, maybe if that's the right term for it. But resourcefulness comes from not having any resources and being having time constraints, location constraints, financial constraints, and still finding a way to do something and make something happen for yourself. And I feel like that's something that military spouses, you learn over the years, but you don't realize that you've developed this incredible skill Yeah, of just solving problems with very little resources. And just making things happen. They may not look the way you anticipate or the way you want them to look, but but you're going to make it happen, you know, one way or another, it's going to happen. So, but yeah, I do love, you know, remote work, and how many teams have now been able to come together and be successful? Because the draw of the people you can choose from now it's not just who's locally. So I yeah, I do. I'm, I'm a huge fan of it, obviously.

Jen Amos: 32:33

I you know, I think because I've been self employed for most of my life, but when I had worked, I guess it just wasn't built in me. I mean, I got fired from for jobs in my young 20s. And something about just staying put in one place just made me really restless. And then also just kind of that anxiety of knowing that someone can just walk into my cubicle anytime to bother me.

: 32:55

What I love about working from home, I think the the beauty of working remotely is you really get to create healthy boundaries for yourself. And the people that you work with, ultimately, you know, like, you know, when, like, you know, you when you need to go to the gym, you know, when you need to work hard, you know, when you need to give quality time to your kids, you know, there's just something healthier, I think about it, and you know, I will fight tooth and nail to sustain this lifestyle. Oh, I will not like it's so difficult for me to even like, like, whenever I feel really discouraged. I kind of like entertain the idea of getting a job in my mind. And I'm like, yeah, no, like I don't, I don't want to like die, I don't want to like dust off my resume. I don't want to like look for jobs online, I don't want to have to walk in and dress super nice. And heels. I hate wearing heels now. You know, I don't want to do any of that stuff. You know, and I love that. And also, I just want to piggyback off of the resourcefulness. You know, my parents are were immigrants from the Philippines before my dad joined the Navy. And, you know, definitely, I mean, even though today my husband can be quite lavish when it comes to like, the things that we invest in, in our business, I know that when we really have to be mindful of our budget, like I have that skill set to go back to being resourceful, you know, I know, I can take one object and make it useful in like, five, six different ways, you know, as opposed to just buying like one thing and using it for one purpose, like I've learned to just, you know, take advantage of the stuff that I have around me with the time that I'm giving it and that kind of goes back to the whole, you know, I will do the best that I can with the resources I have with the time that I'm given. But it's a great skill that I think is undervalued by extremely, extremely useful for sure.

: 34:36

Well, and I think it's something that I've also had many different jobs throughout this life even before Jason was in the army. And the one thing that I feel like remote work does is if you're dissatisfied something or you're frustrated with something or frustrated with a fellow employee or there's a miscommunication when you're working remotely, it allows you or for someone else, to think about the problem and think about how to approach you, versus if you were in the same office and someone gets super emotional about something, or someone starts, you know, like getting upset about something that's going on in their workspace, you're not being affected by it. And then if they're frustrated with you, you know, they're not in your face frustrated, or if you're frustrated, you can collect yourself, and think about how you're going to, you know, confront this situation in a calm and respectful manner, versus in the moment, right. And so, I think remote work actually really helps with that dispute resolution process. That is a normal process when you're working with teams. But now, if you're super frustrated, you can't just walk around your cubicle and walk to someone else's, or, you know, if someone has just some having a really bad day and having, you know, you can just feel the tension on them. Like, you don't feel that but I guess that's part of like the downside, too. If someone's having a bad day, you may not know

Jen Amos: 36:10

about it. So yeah, that's true, too. That's true. I guess you would hear

: 36:14

that in your team members voice when you talk to them. But you know, some days, you're not talking to every team member. So I guess that could kind of create a challenge to that. I guess, I just realized in this moment, you know,

Jen Amos: 36:26

yeah. But I think like, if you do this, right, if you do this life, right, with the right mindset, you can really set healthy boundaries for yourself. And, you know, one thing I like about remote, I like how this conversation totally got into remote working. But what I love about it is, you know, at least for us, we made it a point to work with people who are transparent, and value, like open communication. So that's very important as well. And so, you know, our team has to let us know if they're stressed, or if they're anxious, or, you know, like with our new admin assistant, you know, she's, she's like, the new person in the room. And, you know, she, when I touch base with her, she says, Oh, I don't want to step on people's toes, I don't want to, like, interrupt their day, you know, and I have to reassure her, like, actually, the team loves that, I appreciate you sharing that, that helps me understand, like, where you're coming from, but I want you to know that you don't have to feel that way. You know, and it's really cool, like how our team has operated and been open, and some people will just straight up, call my husband and just tell them how they feel so so I think like, you're gonna work remotely like you can't beat around the bush, you can't wait for someone to read your mind. Do you know?

: 37:30

Yes, no, it does. And I think it changes your communication style. And then you find different tools, how to communicate better, because you're right, you do have that disconnect of those kinds of spontaneous conversations of oh, I don't really want to step on toes of you reassuring her, Oh, no, you're not going to step on toes. Like we want to hear your feedback. We want to hear your input. And so she's getting that immediate response from you. And now she can then adjust her communication style, right? And then it kind of breaks down those barriers a little bit. So yeah, that is good. That definitely is good. And so yeah, yeah. So right now, I'm working on my next project, which is basically just been me. But now I'm starting to reach out to business partners and other military spouse entrepreneurs and consultants, and just kind of gathering and putting together what I think it's going to look like. So a resource that I've also used, actually two of them that have been invaluable. I hope that's the right word, priceless is what I should say. I just

Jen Amos: 38:40

wonder if invaluable is the right way. I totally know what you mean is like is it invaluable? Like, does that mean it's not valuable? I'm pretty

: 38:46

Yeah, think about that. Because I really do want to stress how these two services that I've used have been game changers for me. One is American corporate partners, as a veteran, I believe active duty or military spouse, you can request a year long mentorship with a professional of your choice. And they have professionals from Fortune 500 companies, large companies like Johnson and Johnson, all the way down to like self made entrepreneurs. And so I have a mentor through American corporate partners. And she's amazing. I mean, we talk on the phone twice a month, she has really helped me narrow things down. She's helped me look at different things that I was not tracking or I was not considering. She has reviewed membership plans for me and concepts that I have thought of and so to have this experienced professional, that you know, a business professional that I can say, hey, you know, this is what I'm looking at and this is a con concept I'm working on, what do you think, you know, she brings in this world of experience that I, and a view that that I don't have, right, because I'm in a vacuum, I'm by myself right now. So it's been amazing for me, and I've really appreciated Laurieann is her name. So I highly recommend that for every service member, veteran and military spouse. And it doesn't mean that you have to be in an entrepreneurial pursuit, it could be a professional pursuit, it could be a just, I need some help getting through life. But it has been a game changer for me for sure. And I really appreciate that they include military spouses in the population that they serve. Another resource that has been I mean, I feel like I can be a spokesperson for veterans it.

Jen Amos: 40:50

Yeah, I've heard a veteran it,

: 40:52

I use veteran it often. And I call it mentor speed dating. And I know they probably are like cringing their teeth when I say that. But what it is, is it's a platform for mentors and mentees. And what it is, is it allows you to be mentored with short one hour mentorship sessions on a phone call. So the platform takes care of everything for you, you basically go to the mentor section, you type in what kind of mentor you're looking for. So it could be say, venture capital investment, or it could be accounting or legal formation, or it could be like I use it for emergency services, because at one point I was working in the medical and emergency services industry, and I needed to get to know a certain part of that industry. And so you can find professionals that work in that industry, and then you can schedule one hour phone calls with them. And so it's amazing, because the access to mentors, and there's 1000s of them in, like every industry you can think of some of them are veterans themselves, some of them, you know, have never served, but they want to give back. And so what it does is it breaks down so many barriers, especially as a military spouse that's working remotely, because I don't have a lot of time to get to networking events. And then even when you go to networking events, you don't always meet that one person and have that, you know, conversation that you need to have with them. So veteran it again, I highly recommend it for like everyone that's eligible for it, which is military, spouses, veterans and service members, it's, again, it's been one of those game changers for me that, you know, when you find a service that you say, Oh, I wish I had that. Then you know, it's something good. So that has been a huge service for me on the professional side of life for sure.

Jen Amos: 42:57

I love it, Amy, I have really loved her conversation so far, you know, sharing a snapshot of your life and you know, your daily curator, and just the work that you're doing and your entrepreneurial endeavors. I love that we talked a lot about what it's like to work remotely. Why don't we wrap up with just a little more tips on? We were talking about this offline two days ago, but we kind of described it as the deployment mindset. Why don't you share I didn't even realize I haven't asked you this. But how many deployments have you and your family gone through since your husband's been active duty.

: 43:31

So this is our fifth deployment. But the first employment was not a combat deployment. He was in the Marine Corps enlisted when we were first married. And he was on like a regular deployment rotation where they do a float to Guam and Okinawa. But I was also 19 years old in college and had moved away from my family for the very first time. So that even though it wasn't a combat deployment, you know, it was definitely a time of significant growth. For me, this will be our fourth combat deployment in the army. But we were on this cycle of a deployment in 2004 2005, a 15 month deployment from 2007 to 2008. Another deployment fraud in 2009. So we've had like a nine year break eight or nine year break in between that last deployment and then this one. So this one has been the most challenging, and I think it's because of the kids ages. I think because of the season of life we're in because I've been working remotely. I'm not as plugged in, you know, to my unit and community. But it's the season we're on the tail end of it. I feel like I am going to cross the finish line and get a really amazing trophy, which is my husband coming home. Yes. And so of course there's been little TDY eyes, you know, where he's been gone for one to two months, or just a couple of weeks, or even just a couple of days, kind of splattered in between there. But I kind of feel like those are normal life. And not quite the deployment. But so, you know, this deployment, I've done a lot of reflecting, and I think a lot more reflecting on this one, because my kids are older. And it's just been, again, a different beast. But something that I've realized is, this is an opportunity. And not a lot of spouses that are married, whether you're married for one year or 25 years, get an opportunity to have some set up a portion of time, where even though you're working with your husband, to get to the end of this deployment, right, and to keep your marriage together and to keep your life together, but you're working incredibly independently and on your own. So you get to fill that time with what you want. And some of it is what you need. Some of it is what you have to do. But you have an opportunity to look at this as a challenge. Look at this, as you know, an obstacle to overcome and something of great and significant growth, right? And there are going to be bad days, like I don't want to pretend that like if you prepare, then every day is going to be fine. Oh, no. Like I said, I had a cry fest yesterday, right? Yeah, it's part of it. However, if you go into this mindset of this is going to be a time where I focus on me, I focus on my personal growth and my personal development. When you're done with this deployment, it is going to be challenging, but at the end of it, instead of being like I've crawled over the finish line, and I'm done, and I don't ever want to do it again. Instead, the mindset is, like you just finished a marathon, you feel amazing, like you just finished an educational goal, whatever that may be a certificate or a bachelor's degree that, you know, okay, this was a challenge. I had the mindset of it being a challenge, a mindset of how am I going to grow during this time, and develop my own resiliency and my own mental health and wellness. And I'm going to find all kinds of tricks and tips and tools and coping mechanisms. And then at the end, you feel this amazing sense of victory. And then you also feel like, Okay, I'm ready to take on anything else, because you have this confidence. That is, oh my gosh, I mean, it's better than bringing a baby into this world. I did it, I love it, I

: 47:43

did it. I you know, it's overwhelmed. And now everything feels easy. So I want every military spouse to feel that way. And again, resiliency is built through struggle right through obstacle. And some of them are going to be just small daily struggles, like anything from I got a flat tire to my garbage disposal broke to, I tried to replace the light in the microwave, and it broke. And now I've got to figure out how to turn the power off, get the little, you know, thing out from inside it and put a new light bulb in. Right? Those are all little victories, right? Yeah, when you look at them as irritations or just problems. Instead, you start to get beat down with each and every problem, right? And it's easy to feel overwhelmed. And at times, I do feel overwhelmed. And then I go back to, you know, my daily gratitude, I go back to well, what did I accomplish yesterday? Or, you know, just having those gratitudes of, I've got an opportunity here, and how am I going to learn from this? And how am I going to grow from it? So a couple of things that I have focused on more with this deployment. And I think because the kids are older, and there's not as many resources for the military that are catered to teens, the way that so many books and activities are catered to little kids. So a couple things that I've used because I feel like I've been the conduit for wellness and mental health, wellness and check ins with my kids is I discovered another military spouse because you know, I love military spouses. Her name is Rochelle fudge, and she is like a social worker, family counselor. I'm sorry, I'm kind of I'm showing her title. She's amazing. So she put together because she does have this professional background. And she's also a military spouse. She put together this workbook, it called her rock. So the workbook it says this workbook will address not only our stress and our responsibilities, but will offer solutions to build a better relationship with yourself, your children and your spouse while also So giving you new skills to navigate all the surprises, disappointments and crisis that comes with the military life. And so, you know, sometimes we kind of think, Oh, well, I've done this before, I've got this. But this workbook has really surprised me with how much it has really helped me navigate. And then of course, when I've got new skills to navigate this life or navigate situations, I can then help my children with those skills, but I can also gauge their coping better, and then I can identify, all right, does this child need to go in and see a professional and have a couple of counseling visits? Or, you know, maybe spend some time, you know, with his coach or, you know, talk to one of their teachers, like, what resources do I have that maybe the kids could use. And so it's really helped me identify, and then also has given me so many tools for my toolbox. You know, as I navigate this deployment with kids, the other workbook that I received, actually through another military spouse, and the woman that developed it is like the OG of military spouse, authors and entrepreneurs. Her name is JC Eckhart, and she has developed a workbook that is called the next door project. And again, it's a beautifully curated workbook that takes you through and leads you through significant life changes. It could be, you know, a daughter going off to college, it could be moving to a location that, you know, doesn't have a military community surrounding it. So there are those remote work locations that take you outside of military communities. But it's just another way to lead you through that process. So you're actually going through that process, and you're developing a resiliency versus just on autopilot as you make your way through and get to the next location. So I feel like that's how you really build resiliency is by actually going through it and doing the hard stuff. And acknowledging when you're not coping well, and how are you going to find a way to cope better, versus just kind of being on autopilot, and, you know, just kind of working through it. I mean, just kind of sailing through it without acknowledging feelings and emotions, and disappointments that go along with it. So these resources are huge for me, because I feel like military spouse mental health is not something that has been a huge focus in our military life. And I feel like it should be it for a couple of reasons. I feel like one, not just the army, but our country could learn a lot about resiliency, through learning about military spouses, and how they cope and function and build their own resilience, ease. But then also, how are we doing for military spouses as a military? You know, are we serving them in a way that is beneficial to them? Are we helping them build resiliency? Are we providing tools for them? Or are we missing a lot, so And maybe it is being kind of evaluated, and I just, you know, I'm not privy to that. But I think there's a lot to learn from military spouses. And I think there's also a lot more resources that could be available for military spouses in in the realm of mental wellness and mental health because I put those two different categories. mental wellness is something that you practice to keep yourself mentally healthy. But mental health is I feel more of the realm of therapy and diagnoses, and, you know, maybe medications, that sort of thing. So I feel that they're two separate things. And I feel like if you practice mental wellness, then, you know, you may not need those more non invasive but just more in depth services, right and right, mental wellness is something that you practice where mental health is a resource that you go to, when things are when you're in crisis, or things are not going well, and you cannot solve the problem yourself. That's where, you know, you go to that. So it's something that's near and dear to my heart. Even though I'm not like a therapist or a counselor, I just, I know what is really helped my family. And it's something that we do practice and I think some people just don't realize it's something that you do practice and it looks mental wellness looks different for everyone. For some people, it may be a hot bath At the end of the night, for others, it may be meditations in the middle of the day. And at night or yoga or, you know, time with friends away from kids. I mean, there's a lot of different things that contribute to mental wellness.

Jen Amos: 55:14

Well, Amy, i Wow, I feel like we just really scratched the surface when it comes to addressing a lot of these resources. And just, you know, what's out there, it's really helped military spouses. And I just want to say that I love your spirit and your attitude of being a military spouse, understanding that it is difficult, you really make it sound a lot of fun, you know, you really make the most out of it, and it and you're very reassuring about it, considering how you've been through so many deployments with your family, and everything. So you are just a wealth of knowledge. And I am just so grateful for your time today.

: 55:51

Thank you very much. I really appreciate the opportunity to share some lessons learned and some things that have worked for me. And hopefully, we'll you know, some of these things will resonate with other military spouses and encourage them, and also provide them with some extra resources and tools for their toolbox.

Jen Amos: 56:11

Yes, absolutely. And Amy, for anyone that has loved listening to you on the show, and would like to get a hold of you, how can they do that?

: 56:19

Well, they're more than welcome to email me at ami.schicke@gmail.com, but they can also reach out to me on LinkedIn would probably be the best way. Nobody wants to see my Facebook, it's like filled with hockey. And my dog and my kids, so yeah, yeah, feel free to like to reach out to me on LinkedIn, and just email me I'm, and that's the thing that I love about the military spouse community is we are constantly using platforms, you know, like LinkedIn, like Facebook Messenger to say, hey, you know, you lived in Tampa and your kids played hockey, I've got a friend who's moving there and wants to learn about hockey, can I you know, send her your information. And it's like, of course, and so I love having this network of military spouses that you can really reach out to at any time, and there are a wealth of knowledge, and they want to share, like none of us want to do this life alone. Right. But I think sometimes, you know, we are hesitant to reach out to people like, Oh, I haven't talked to her in six years. But that's okay. Like, yeah, I don't care if it's been 20 years, please reach out to me, I, you know, if I can help you in some way. I mean, what does it take maybe five to 10 minutes of a conversation, but it also fills my cup that I help someone else. And so, you know, it's it's, you know, kind of revolving door of, of helping each other out and, and then you also just don't feel so alone.

Jen Amos: 57:46

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, we're social creatures. And we can't do this life alone, especially in the military community, considering how there's so many families that have gone through it and are still actively going through it so beautifully said, Amy, I want to thank you so much for your time.

: 58:04

Thank you so much, Jen, I really appreciate you and holding down the fort for giving a platform to talk about these topics and to share life lessons with other military spouses. And thank you very much and have a great day.

Jen Amos: 58:17

For our listeners. If you didn't catch Amy's contact information or the resources she mentioned on the show. Don't worry, that'll be included in the show notes because I'm generous like that. With that said, I hope that you gained at least one tip or resource or education today to help you continue holding down before. Thanks so much for listening, and we look forward to speaking with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.