034: "Sharing your story is selfless, not selfish." The power of storytelling with Jen Amos

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories. So military spouses can continue to make confident and informed decisions for their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen amis, a Goldstar, daughter of veterans spouse, and your host for today's show. Let's get started

storytelling at pod fest Expo: 2020

Speaker 1 2:51

We've been told this story that if you check all the boxes, if you do all these great things, then you will be happy. But why do so many of us still feel unfulfilled? Welcome to wealth and liberty, where we give you the education tools and solutions to go from feeling unrewarded to becoming autonomous with three simple concepts to guide us identity, self development in financial control.

Jen Amos 3:29

All right, there you have it. Thank you again for taking some time to listen to my announcements. Now please enjoy this wonderful interview I had with Romina on the RM podcast as.

Speaker 2 3:53

odcasting just last summer of: 2019

Speaker 3 5:34

So tell us a little bit because my podcast is mainly, for example, focused on interviews or having like a conversation, not a scripted one, of course, I don't believe in scripted ones. But just having a conversation and just kind of diving into a topic. But storytelling is completely. It's a whole different genre. So first off, let's go back to the basics. Why does it work? And does it work?

Speaker 2 5:59

It works for a lot of reasons. First of all, it's tried and true. It's been around for as long as human history, you know, since caveman can take six and right in the mud, you know, and hieroglyphics and all that it's been around forever. The second thing is that it's the best form of education. It was funny, because that podcast where we met, I was asking my audience when I was speaking there, I said, When was the last time you told yourself, man, like, I'm never going to do that, again. Like lesson learned, I'm never gonna do that again.

Unknown Speaker 6:32

And I bet you a couple of things I can think of,

Speaker 2 6:35

exactly. And I bet if I ask you, like, why, like, what led you to that realization, you're gonna have a story for me. And that's really what storytelling is, is that it always encompasses some kind of lesson. And if you're really good at it, it's a universal lesson that everyone can resonate, like you think about the things that really Captivate us and really make us forget, like how much time we've wasted, like, like binge watching, or Disney movies, you know, like, storytelling just captivates you. Because it speaks to you in a way where sometimes it gives you the words you didn't know that you needed, you know, sometimes it gives you the lessons, you didn't know that you need it. Or sometimes it just gives you a good cry, or like a good laugh. But that's the power of storytelling. I have a couple more reasons for you. I have a lot of reasons. I think in today's times, also, representation really matters. And there's no easier way to do storytelling than today, especially now that we are in this pandemic with the Coronavirus or COVID 19. At the time of this recording, and people are forced to a lot of us like it, including here in Virginia Beach. We just got the executive order officially last Monday to stay home. Unless you're gonna Yeah, unless you're going to exercise unless you're gonna go grocery shopping. And people have to realize that like we are all part of a greater story right now. And I think it's important to document it, you know, even for kids that can't go to school right now. Teach your kids how to journal what's going on right now. And I promise you that it may seem insignificant right now. But your story and the things that you document today is going to resonate for generations to come. I promise you that. I have more reasons. But stop me anytime. i One more reason.

Speaker 3 8:17

If you don't mind me sharing? No, go for it. And then I have a question. Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 8:21

So I think the last thing and the most important thing is that storytelling in itself, the only way you can tell a story is if you have someone to tell it to. So storytelling builds bridges, it builds connection, you know, it gets people to maybe look at you on the surface, like you know, they always say don't judge a book by its cover. But once you start hearing the story, you're like, oh, I can resonate more with this book than I realized, just like with storytelling, I can resonate with this person more than I realized. And so that's also the power of storytelling is building bridges and community with people, even if it's just one other person. So

Speaker 3 8:54

Well, you mentioned that right now. Like parents need to pretty much like motivate their kids to write on their journals and everything. But how do parents themselves start telling stories? Because that's one thing that they're struggling with is because kids are at home, and they have to work and they had no energy, and they're going bananas. So I feel like they should appreciate teachers even more nowadays, because of you know, this is what's happening. But how can parents themselves improve themselves a little bit to start telling

Speaker 2 9:22

stories? Well, you know, I'm not a parent. So I mean, I'm a firm Mama, I have a dog. He's literally

Speaker 3 9:26

like, right here. No stories and child to them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 9:30

But if you're a parent, I think if anyone if you're feeling stuck, and you don't know what value you have to give, or you don't know, like how to connect with people, I think storytelling is a great way to get started. Because if you know how to tell a good story, you'll know how to tell your kids what to do. Like let's say you tell a kid Hey, you can't go outside the kids like but I want to go outside why can I go outside? And if you tell us but like if you do if you just say just don't go outside because I say so. Like what do you think they're gonna do? They're probably gonna rebel, right? But if you say the reason why you can't go outside is because there's this, you know, unseen disease, you know, this unseen virus that's going out right now that sits on surfaces for three to four days. And once you get in contact with someone, you have to be alone, you have to isolate yourself for 14 days, before you can interact with anyone again, or say that you're safe. And all of that half elves scare the hell out of all of that would happen if you step out of the house. So you could go out, but I hope my young, beautiful, lovely child, you understand that if you come back, we're going to have to put you in your bedroom for 14 days by yourself. Now, would you be okay with that? So I really

: 10:39

want to see some videos of parents telling kids this because I will just look at some reactions to

: 10:45

Yeah, because it's like, hey, like, if you have like, if you hang out with your friends, now all of your friends have to be in their bedrooms for at least 14 days, do you want to be the cause of that, like, let's be an example to our friends, even if they're pressuring you, okay. And I do want to share a resource that I have no affiliation to, it's something I highly, highly recommend. I recommend for people who are just trying to like if you really don't know how to tell a story. First of all, it starts with you, it starts with understanding your story. And if you don't know how to understand or write your story, I recommend looking into self authoring, which is by Jordan B as in boy Peterson. So Jordan Peterson has this very affordable, and you can actually gift it to someone else for the same price. But it allows you to actually do a lot of journaling. And it prompts you with a lot of questions to answer and ultimately uncover your story, whether it's your past story, like like who you were before this present moment, your present story, and then your future story, like where do you see yourself moving forward. And so that's a resource, I highly recommend self authoring. I'm not selling it, I just highly recommend it to anyone who don't like you don't know where to get started. And that's by Jordan B. Peterson. If you're looking to do storytelling, professionally, if you are a professional, and you're looking to sell a service or a product, another resource, I highly recommend which I feel like it's common knowledge at this point, but I'm gonna say it anyway, is to look into. Okay, so it's story brand by Donald Miller. So a story brands, I don't make money for this either. But my husband and I use it all the time for our, our personal branding for our new projects. The thing is, most people when they sell a product or service, when you're new, you typically talk about the special features of it. Or you're often told like to talk about the history about you and like how your business started. But the truth is, no one cares about you. No one cares about your story, what they care about is how you're going to help them. And so what story brand by Donald Miller, which is free online, and obviously there's courses you can pay for, but there's a free program you can use that helps you outline your story, it teaches you to wrap the story around your customer, and like how they're the hero of their own story. And we're simply the guide, like, we're simply it's kind of like saying, hey, only you can brush your teeth. But here's the brush to brush your teeth with, you know, like, like that itself. Like, you can't just say, Oh, here's a toothbrush that you can use that has these features. But if you say like, like you have the power of having white teeth, you have the power of you know, like not getting a root canal. And we as a guide, all we want to do is give you a resource to do that. And it's this toothbrush, like that tells a different story. Right? And so with story brand, I highly recommend for any professional to look into it. But yeah, like I said, there's so many ways to tell stories, so many ways. It just depends on your objective. It depends. If you're just trying to discover yourself, it depends if you're trying to sell something, it depends if you're trying to persuade your kids. But yeah, it really just depends on the objective and the tools. It's kind of like how they say like, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you know what you want, if you know exactly what you want to do, the resources will come to you. But I hope that the resources I currently gave to you will be of help as well. So what's your procedure?

: 13:59

So you have two podcasts? Let's talk a little bit about because you have your own podcasts, but then you have the other one. Let's talk a little bit about the interviewing one, the military podcast.

: 14:09

Absolutely. So that podcast show is called holding down the fort. And it really

: 14:14

I was gonna say holding for down. So I was like, hold on. Yeah, holding

: 14:18

down the fort. And it's really dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories for active duty military spouses. So that essentially means military spouses who are actively like whether spouses is actively in service like they're not retired yet, although we do accommodate those types of stories like once you transition out, and you're getting adjusted to civilian life, but the reason why I decided to put that show together, it was actually a decision from my business colleagues and my husband is that when in our business, like I said, we focus on financial services for military families. Well, the majority of the people that I work with are veterans, okay, and I'm the only one that I feel like I can say came from a military family. I'm actually a Goldstar daughter. And for anyone that is hearing that for the first time, it essentially means that I lost a family member while they were in active duty. And that was my father, I lost my father when I was 10 years old. And it's a long, crazy story. And you're more than welcome to listen to my show on holding on the floor. I do have an episode where I talk about my story. But till this day, 20 plus years later, we don't know what happened to my dad. And it leaves you with a lot of questions, it leaves you it leaves you questioning a lot of things. But more importantly, I was inspired to one contribute to my team, by connecting with military families, and to to give back to military families in a way that I wish I had, when my family was just uprooted out of the military life. Like I remember the day we were told, like, like, you can't stay in Japan anymore. You can't be stationed here anymore. And I felt like my world was collapsing, because I thought I was gonna lose all my friends. Because I you know, I was losing my friends, I was gonna lose my life. And every year after that, like there was no like resource or community to help me grieve over the loss of my dad and be around like, I didn't even know that I was a gold star daughter to literally a couple years ago, I didn't even though that was a thing. I didn't know that was an identity. I didn't know there were nonprofits for it. And so I want to actually give a quick shout out to the nonprofit called Charlie Mike. So the websites Charlie Mike, like Mike and Michael dot life, I think is the website. And they actually

: 16:28

provide a cme.ly for spelled out Charlie Mike.

: 16:32

Yeah, Charlie, Mike for like two names. Okay, real life? Yeah, Charlie, I'll send it to you. But I want to give a shout out to them, because they are a nonprofit that provides free life coaching services, to veterans and military families. And let me tell you, I know a lot of people think life coaching is corny. But the coach that I work with shout out to Jason Matthews is really digging in with like really digging in there in terms of the trauma that I had experienced, like since I lost my dad. So it's one thing to in the military, you know, to, let's say, be in war and experienced trauma. But for the fact that I lost my dad, I was identified or I was labeled as experiencing secondary, post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD to see. Yeah. And so So anyway, just the fact that I know these resources. Now, like I said, One, it helps our business, because I get to connect with people that we want to be our clients material, it's really a way to give back to the community and even find my own self healing in this process. And it's a really cool opportunity to connect with active duty military spouses who are in the trenches today. And understand what their needs are, and what their worries are, and what their concerns are. And most of all, just being able to provide a platform for them to just share their story. You don't know how many times I've had people say thank you for creating a space for us. And it's just, you're welcome. I'm more than happy to do that. So

: 17:56

it feels really awesome to create the space for somebody to just raise their voice or say their opinion, because it makes them I feel like it makes the spotlight go from you to them. And like they're up on the stage for a moment, which is awesome. And that's really awesome of you doing it. So I wanted to kind of go back to I know you mentioned a lot of like the reasoning why even started the podcast. But what was that episode like sharing your dad's story? For example, how was that experience for you? Because we can get attached to the stories a lot. And it's not easy just to say something. But to let it out sometimes.

: 18:33

Oh, I think that's an excellent question. And in case anyone's wondering, I'm looking on my computer right now. If you are interested in listening to the episode, you can visit holding down the for podcast.com. And it's episode four, titled Goldstar daughter Jenny most returns to the military community 20 plus years later after losing her father. So crazy thing is that I actually redid this episode. So a little background on it is when I first did the episode, it was almost a year ago. Like I said, I started podcasting a year ago last summer. And it was actually a very interesting experience for me, because I first had to just journal about it. I had to just like write it out. Because here's the thing, and I think a lot of people can resonate with this. But I actually struggled with the imposter syndrome, right before I started the show, because I consider myself a veteran spouse, which means I met my spouse after his service, where I'm here trying to build relationships with active duty military spouses, you know, and I'm here thinking, Oh, my gosh, Will I fit in? Will they like me? Will they consider me credible? You know, and so I had to really craft my story where, you know, one, I'm, you know, reliving this experience losing my dad, you know, to and to, I'm trying to build a bridge, you know, between myself as a Goldstar daughter to active duty military spouses. And so it actually took me some time to really journal about it and really understand like, is it right for me to tie in This traumatic story to this podcast show and to my business. You know, it's a very sensitive story. But it was very important to me because like I said, the majority of the people I work with are veterans. And of course, they can speak to military spouses, of course, they can speak to military families. The majority of the time, these veterans are the patriarch of the family, they have been told to provide, you know, to go out there and be the hero and serve and protect. But we really take for granted military spouses and the family's military spouses, especially as the matriarch of the family, the ones that are really holding down the fort, the ones that give our servicemembers have reason to come back home, you know, like that, keep them going. Right. And so, it was a long process. But even when I first recorded it, I ended up re recording it. And then for this episode, episode four, I recorded it all over again, once I had a more refined message for the show. Overall, it was a very healing experience. It's just beautiful to just be able to turn that pain into a gift for other people, and even for myself to let that go and put it out there and hope that it resonates with people in a way that they want to connect with me or, you know, keep listening to the show. Yeah, it was a process. Trust me, it was a long process. Yeah, yeah. If I showed you the document, it's a long document. And it's crazy, because when you when I read it, it's like pages of content that I can easily read in like 20 minutes. It's like, wow, like, when you listen to that episode, you think, Oh, 20 minutes. Like that's, that's really short. But you know, the production or the work behind it, and the inner work behind it took a lot. And I'm very grateful for the experience, it even got me to learn more about my father's story, actually, because for a long time, I didn't know exactly what happened to him. And even this year, my sister who was only five, when we lost, my dad started to want to learn more about her father. And so I was telling her that I'm so glad that I went through my own, you know, kind of inner work to do this project, so that I can be strong for her as she starts to uncover stories about our dad. So that's a whole story for another time, we're actually interviewing family members about that. And, you know, picking up the pieces and collecting the stories for my sister to even just learn like who our dad was, you know, how great of a father he was. So

: 22:19

that's not easy, though. Because like, I can't, I cannot relate to that, because I haven't experienced your story. But I know to tell you, whenever you put such a personal story out there, it's not easy, because sometimes you feel like, why am I exposing myself, what would be the, you know, the negative stuff that can come from it, and like just literally putting your whole soul and it's such a personal thing, it's not as easy. So I want to thank you for putting it out there. I know often it's not easy. And this might sound silly, because I get told us a lot like stories about my life and be like, You need to share this, you need to share this because you will help somebody else. And perhaps you have this has a patient that that you're like, but I don't know this much exposure, but shared guys have done this some crazy story sharing to myself, and you see only positive feedback from it. Plus you. Yeah, I feel like you opened the door to a whole different universe yourself.

: 23:15

Absolutely. I mean, I like to say this, because people think it's selfish to share their story. They think, oh, I'm being self centered, or being full of it. But you're actually being selfless. Because first of all, telling your story is like forgiving yourself. Because sometimes not everyone has a beautiful story that they're proud of, you know, and, and a lot of us have a lot of figurative skeletons in our closet. But when we get to a place where we get to an environment where I feel safe to do it, and sometimes you have to have the courage to take that leap of faith to tell your story. Because many times, you know, the reason why you didn't share that story to begin with is because you were not in a safe environment. And I'm very fortunate that at least in the last five or so years, I've had the courage to share my story. And in time, as the years went on, I've been able to surround myself with people who are in support of my story. They're in support of whatever comes out of my mouth. And I love those people, they know who they are. But yeah, I just want to say that it's extremely important to share your story because one, I mean, there's a lot of reasons. But one, when you start your story, you connect with other people who can relate. And in validating their stories, you actually validate your story. And when you do more of that, you start to realize, like, you know, my embarrassing stuff doesn't matter. Because when people are listening to my story, they're not necessarily listening to me. My story is a mirror.

: 24:35

So trying to find themselves in a part of your story.

: 24:38

Exactly. And so that's what's happening is that when you realize it's literally not about you, like when you realize like no one literally cares about you like and I say that in the most positive way. Ya know, it's so true. Yeah, like you can

: 24:51

find themselves somehow and relate somehow to your story.

: 24:55

Exactly. Like you can help other people. Be okay with their stuff. or and realize, hey, whatever skeletons you have in your closet, I bet you there are so many other people who have the same skeletons, if not more, if not less. Yeah, but you're not alone in this. I mean, there are billions of people on this world, like, you're bound to run into a couple of people who, like you need to hear your story and will resonate with your story. And their lives will change. Because you told your story, your story could be a catalyst to someone else in changing their lives. And so understand that storytelling, especially from a personal standpoint, it's selfless. It's completely selfless. And it's the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to other people.

: 25:40

And I think it also has to do with a lot of learning how to be vulnerable. That's one thing that we suffer from, if you're vulnerable. And if you open up more, I feel like he can like me, and you wouldn't ever, for example, like Yeah, we met at the pod fest we had, you know, we had a five minute conversation because we have the most adorable puppy out there. Thanks. So I see a puppy and I was like, I need to get close to the puppy too.

: 26:05

But I'm sorry, you couldn't pet him. He was very,

: 26:08

it's okay. But I feel like, for example, like the most open story that I've shared myself was the story of me meeting my ex husband for coffee after years, was when I put this on an episode, I got some feedback. It's like, whoa, wait a minute, you're actually doing this, like, Wait, you're married? Why? What happened? Like, yeah, what a reaction people didn't like, because I don't just talk about it. But I let it out. Because I like I had to go through a lot of emotion, I had to be human, I had to let my emotions out. And I shared the whole story that you need to be confident enough and you need to to move on. And that's when you know, you moved on into something new chapter in your life, when you can have a call to a person, if your past and it doesn't matter if it's your act, it can be a good friend that you lost, you know, relationships with because something happened, he can be your previous boss, or you can be a manager that you hated their guts. And finally, you can sit down and tell him thank you for firing me or anything, you know, anything like that, because everything happens for a reason. But I feel like if you open them on ability, it opens a whole new door for you. And that's what people struggle to. Because now like they want to tell their stories. I feel like they don't want to open themselves that much doesn't make sense.

: 27:24

Oh, absolutely. I think it's, trust me, I completely get it. Like a little background on my story is that at a young age, after I lost my dad, I had fallen into a series of toxic relationships within my family and outside of my family. And the one thing that I was most, I guess, ashamed about was when my cousin used to molest me. Every time I visited the Philippines. And I remember I told my mom about it. And the first thing she said was, why did you let him do that to you? It Yeah, I know. Yes. Yes, please. My last May, please, you know, thank you. And that,

Unknown Speaker: 28:02

I'm sorry about that. That's

: 28:05

Thank you, I appreciate it. I really appreciate it. And I'm in a good place where I could talk about it, trust me, I've done a lot of inner work. And the thing is, I completely 100% understand when people don't want to share their story, because you don't feel safe. Like you just don't feel like you're in a place where you could share your story because you actually feel like it'll put you in danger if you share it. So hey, I completely get it. And I think that's why it's so important. That Romina like you're doing shows like this, because sometimes if people aren't ready to share their story, they can still find answers and healing by listening to other people's stories that they can relate to. And so it takes people such as myself, who've done the work, who put themselves in a safe environment to share their story, to be able to share their story so that other people can see, hey, you can get out of it too. Like it's not going to be easy, you're gonna have to take a leap of faith. Like you're you might lose everything. But I bet you that, you know, once you let go of all that you can hold on to things are actually so much more better and beneficial for you. But yeah, it's I completely get this. And if you're not ready to share your story yet. That's okay. That is 100%. Okay. But if you feel like something is pulling you to share your story. And you're thinking, Oh, I'm gonna sound funny when I say it, like no one wants to hear my story. But if something's pulling you, like I'm telling you, like, that's your time to share your story. And there's no better place to do that than with podcasting. And I want to add upon that like podcasting with other people. Because, hey, some people do like listening to a podcast show where it's just one person talking about themselves. But let me tell you, it's so much more fun when you get to do a show with other people. You know, just like how you have me on the show. I mean, if it was just the Romina show. Yeah, it'd be different, right? But it's like because I'm on here. It's like I get to hear a little bit about your story. So you're adding value in my life, and I get to share my story and I get to add value in your life and I Add value in your listeners lives. But hey, like I said, I get it. It's hard. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's shameful. Sometimes you're in an environment where, yeah, it's shameful to share your story, it's more important to stay within the lines, you know, say, keep it safe, you know, keep your problems under the rug, than it is to come out and share your story. So completely get it. And if you're stuck, like if you're in that situation, but you want to get out of it, oh my gosh, like, reach out to Romina reach out to me, you know, like, we made it on the other side. She has gone through divorce, I've gone through no overcoming abuse, and lots of things like there are people who've made it. And if you can't share your story yet, you know, connect with the ones who have, because I hope that will inspire you to share your story. There's no one like you. Okay, like you make your Oh, someone else. So addition. Yeah, you're thinking like, Oh, someone else already shared that story, that story has been replayed over and over again. But what if someone in your life right now needs to hear that story? What if they will only understand that story, if it came out of your mouth? You know, it's like, for example, like, I'm not gonna listen to what my mom says to me, like, in my rebellious stages, when I was a teenager, when she told me to, like, do certain things. I'm like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stay home, because you're telling me to. But if a good friend said, hey, I want you to stay home, because I care about your safety. Like, say, message, different person. And that's important storytelling is you can say the same thing. But sometimes people hear it better through someone that looks like them sounds like them has gone through the same experience as them. So your story matters, it's needed, it's necessary, please take advantage of the resources that I shared. Or get hold of me, I would love to connect with you and just remind you that your story matters, you matter, your feelings matter. I'm always big on telling people that their feelings matter and, and that they they deserve visibility.

: 31:53

Now, that's very important. And like I shared on the on stages podcast, whenever we got to like the keynote speakers. At the end, it was us like we can get up and say something that we're grateful for. And like I said, they're like, I am very grateful for the sort of people that just allowed me their time because I tell their story. Through their experiences, I was allowed, like, I pretty much found a path for my own career. And that's important when people share their story, when people share what happened in their life is very important, because somebody can resignate with them. And you can collect from your stores or 50 people. If you get little pieces from 50 different people and get like little pieces of their stores and trying to find like what you resonate with them, then that will also give you like motivation towards building your own story and like going for something different. Because sometimes the holder each other back like so when I started the podcast, I was like, I'm in this anxiety, high stress moment, nobody's been in my place before. Like, I'm the person that I will drive through a tornado. And I've done it before, which is crazy. Don't do it. But I'm a personal that I've done crazy things. I'm like, I started losing my temper like it would rain and I'll start losing it or like the smallest thing and I start, you know, being mad at people because I was so stressed. I was like, nobody's been in my position before. But then you find out other people's stories and you ask questions, and then you're like, Oh, so you've been through this, I feel understood. Now I can do better. So it's important to not only hear your story, but ask people for their stories, too. Because you'll help you get yeah, there's a term

: 33:31

for it. It's called active listening, I believe. And it's like, if you can listen to someone's story, and you can paraphrase what they said back and share, like what you learned from it, then it really validates the other person and it makes them think, Oh, she was paying attention to the story. And and you can make sure that you interpreted it correctly, or in a way that made the most sense to you. But you know, you can't storytel Without telling it to someone, hence storytelling. And I don't know what else I was gonna say about that. But no,

: 34:03

that's very, that's very important. Because whenever it comes to what I love, negotiation, and sales and all that generate listening, storytelling is very important because you're building impulse, especially listening part of it. And one of the my favorite books out there is 28 laws of listening by Dan obligor. It's really grateful writing it down. It's a really, really good book, and he's been on the show twice so far, too. So it's one of those books is a hostage negotiator. And it's one of those books is like, Okay, how you can practice active listening to make somebody tell their story in deeper question and ask questions in a way that they get the spotlight. So it's really interesting book, I highly recommend it.

Unknown Speaker: 34:50

Cool. I feel like we shared a lot of amazing resources today.

: 34:53

I know I know. And I hope somebody's definitely like if you have so what our mission and our goal for today. A what Jen was, if you have a story to share, if you want the world to have your story and not necessarily be like, Look at me what I went through or look at me do this, like if you think your story is really, or even if you don't think so just put it out there because you never know who's gonna come across it. Like people don't think their story is valuable sometimes and you have people be like, Oh my god, I can resonate with her a lot. Right? Let's grab a virtual coffee, like it will happen, you guys.

: 35:29

Yeah, and that's the thing too. I remember at pod fest, I wrapped up my workshop saying something I said, even if you don't know, if you have a story, and you don't think you have a voice, or you don't know how to use your voice, well, the only way to find your voice is to use it. So I really recommend, you know, testing out just talking more, you know, there's so many ways like you can use dictation on your phone to just talk or use a recorder. And just just do it because if you listen to like my initial interviews from way back when and I'm not just talking podcasting, I did Facebook Live a couple years ago, like I'm different than than I am now. Like I'm a whole different story. And and you know, the best part of it is that no one cares about my journey from till this point. And that's what people need to realize is that no one cares. And I don't say that in like a mean way. But it's like no one cares. So why not try it anyway? Like, why not put yourself out there. And especially if you feel like you have this calling to share your story and you don't know how to get started. There's a really good book by Chris Crum Itos, one of the founders of pod fest called Start ugly. And he tells you start ugly, like don't always get started at least Yeah, don't get all your ducks in a row. Because the truth is, we don't have the time to do it. We don't have the time to be perfect. I mean, yeah, given COVID-19 We have time, but even so, like, even so, time is precious. And it's like, why not? Why not get started? Like, what's the worst that's gonna happen? You're gonna sound awful, delete it and rerecord it. Like I said, with telling my story about having lost my dad to rewrite, I had a journal it I had to write it, I had to redraft it, I recorded it, I recorded it again. And I literally recorded it again. And hey, like, whatever you need to do to finally feel like you have a story you can tell. I'd like to believe that I was pretty articulate in my interview today. But it's only because I've repeated myself. Many times in the last year, I've told the same story. And I've just learned how to refine it and how to tell it better and how to tell it more concise. And the only way you do that is if you get started, there's so many ways to do it, like I said, and if you need more resources, you know, you can hit me up. But you just got to have the desire to want to do it. And if not, like we said earlier, if you just feel better listening to other people's stories, then that's why you have resources like this roominess podcast show or even my podcast shows, to just listen vicariously or live vicariously through other people's stories and lessons. And hopefully you will find your voice in other people's stories.

: 38:10

That is very interesting. Thank you for sharing that. Because that's important not only if you want to have a story at the store to share, but even if you're a manager, if you're a leader, whatever position you are, you're going to share a story at one point you want to public speaking, like a lot of people just want to be a public speaker or coaches nowadays, you know, like it's very, very important. So just go back to the basics and make sure that you know how to start ABCs first.

: 38:36

Yeah, yeah. And just, I think one more thing I want to add is understanding that storytelling, it's a type of service like you're serving people, okay, there's another quote, When Rico I have a lot of quotes, if you're nervous, just focus on being of service. And what that means is that if you start making it about you, you're not serving, right, you're just so focused on how people perceive you how people will look at you and it's like, like, it's not even about you. We talked about this already, like you are everyone is a mirror to everyone else. And so if you just focus on being that mirror for other people, then it'll be so much easier. But you can do it. I believe in you.

: 39:17

Awesome, John, thank you so much. This is awesome. I hope everybody got to learn something new. And I know this will this is currently on live stream you guys. But also it's going to be converted on the podcast REM podcast as well. So if you want to just listen just to the mp3 of it to more they're free to do so. But Jen, where can they get a hold of you? Because I'm sure they want to listen to some of your storytelling episodes.

: 39:41

Oh man. Well I first of all, I'm really active on Instagram so you can find me at the Jen amo so that's the Jed jn a MOS. You can find me on there. You can check out my website. Actually I haven't updated in a while but it has all my contact info Gen a Mo's creates with an S at the end Jenna was crates.com. And I want to say those are the two things, the two ways you can get a hold of me. I do have a Google Voice number that you're welcome to text me at if you so please, it's 619-621-8766. So that's 619-621-8766. If you're just kind of that person that wants to get hold of me right away. That's my Google Voice number. It is my Google Voice number. So I will screen you out of my own protection and safety. So you know, something personal.

: 40:28

Know that as well. You know, that's interesting, because I have a Google Voice number two, but I have no idea on top of my head what it is, like, if you were to ask me, I have no

: 40:37

idea. Like her all that used to be like, my, I used to give that number when I was dating, like my online dating days. Oh, man, I was like, here's my

: 40:45

are using that number. When I like all the all the conversation, all the business calls and everything. I'm giving my own personal phone number. So I maybe I should avoid my Google and Google

Unknown Speaker: 40:55

Voice. It's a way No,

: 40:57

I just use it for my lovely international calls, because it's cheaper. Yeah. If you're foreign, you definitely know a Google Voice number. Yeah, no, make international calls. Awesome. And then my last question, we'll have two more questions. What's the new and exciting project that you're working towards currently?

: 41:15

Oh, I'm very glad you asked that question. Because I am coming out with a talk show. Another podcast show I've been I've been working on it for a while I've been talking to business mentors about it. But it's gonna be called, The website's not ready yet. But it's, if you want to look into it's called the, it's called generic podcast.com. Generic is not spelt with the G. It's spelled with a J as in Jen, like my name. So generika podcast.com. And it's going to be a podcast show where you get to eavesdrop on people's conversations, and you get to think to yourself, Man, I needed to hear this. So that's, it's gonna be that kind of show is a lot more talking about like, if you're not ready to share your story, if you don't know what the answers you're looking for yet, you can't identify it, like what better way than to eavesdrop on people's conversations. And that's what that show is going to be a lot about. So generic, podcast.com generic with the Jay, I'm literally making the website as we speak. So please don't go on there right now. And like, like, I mean, you can get a good laugh, if you're interested in that. But that's coming out soon, you're gonna actually see more of it on Facebook, I've had a dead Facebook account for some time now. And I'm planning on reviving it. And that's the way I'm gonna do it is with this podcast. But it's a great opportunity for me to have conversations with people like my associations, like fellow solopreneurs, fellow professionals, people who have this desire to do more than just the nine to five, which is nine to five is very important. I am the product of a nine to five job, my mom and the sacrifices she made. But this show is in celebration of that. And for the people who have the side hustles Yeah, the passion projects, or who that actually had, like, took the leap of faith. So it's going to be interviewing those type of people, because I just happen to have those kinds of friends that I'm really fortunate to have surrounded myself with in the last handful of years.

: 43:01

That's awesome. Yeah, I feel like a nine to five, that's like, a standard. And then yeah, that's like, if you do just a nine to five and the rest of the time, like you have to, you have to juice out every minute of your day. And when you don't have anything to do I always look, Did I forget something like what's going on here?

: 43:19

Yeah, I know. So a little background on me. I've been unemployed, really, for the last decade. So I'm 32 now. And I just, I came to a place my early 20s, where I got fired from four jobs consecutively. And my best friend, my friends told me that I don't think you're meant for a job. And so 10 plus years later, still unemployed, but still living a very fulfilling very satisfying life. And it's because I give myself permission to dream. I give myself permission to take chances on myself. I give myself permission to share my story. And yeah, it's been fun. So

: 43:56

I'll say the least. And then my very last question, as we all know, here on our podcast. So what the last question is, what is your personal definition of success? Oh,

: 44:08

I remember, you asked me this at pod fest. And I love this question. So my definition of success is, it's actually being happy in the present. Like if you can be happy in the present, if you can be grateful in the present, if you can live in the present. To me, that's a sign of success. Because a lot of us always think that I had come to believe I don't want to speak on behalf of everyone. Yeah, but I had come to believe that success was a destination, when I realized it's a journey. And it's like, if you're not appreciative of what you have today, like, you know, a lot of people feel cooped up at home right now, because of COVID 19. A lot of people feel like oh my gosh, I can't see my friends. I can't see my family. I'm isolated. And the thing is, I was like, Hey, you're not stuck at home. You're safe at home. You know, and, and if you realize that you realize like, Oh, you have a roof over your head, like I just found out like in San Diego, that the San Diego Convention Center is opened up for all the homeless people to live in. I mean, thank God that they have that kind of resource. But you have to think that, like, Thank God, I'm not in that situation, you know, thank God, I have a roof over my head, thank God that the grocery stores are still open, you know, if they, you know, thank God, thank God, thank God, or think whatever higher being that you believe in. But I think if people realize that all that really matters is this moment, when people talk about the future, the future is today. And if you can realize that, and you can exist in the space, I know, it's very uncomfortable. For a lot of people. It was for me, a lot of my life, I was living in the past, I kept thinking, Oh, here I am. This, you know, fatherless child with abandonment issues. I can't hold down a relationship and thinks everyone's gonna leave me if I don't leave them first. You know, and when I got to a place where I realized, like, oh, my gosh, that story is not serving me. Like the story that's serving me is the one that I'm writing right now. You know, I think that's, that is a sign of success is if you realize that the President, what you have in front of you, is really all that you have. And yeah, it's fun to think about the future. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have your North Star. But the only way to get to that Northstar is with whatever you're doing right now, you know, the future is today. It's right now in this very moment. So that's my definition of success is living in the present and loving it.

: 46:23

Thank you for sharing that. And it's funny that you say like being present, because for some people, they're like, go go go all the time. You know, those moments on times that she may be, it might be just after a couple, you know, glass of wine, or it might just be like, after a long Heart to Heart conversation with somebody, or just sitting in the nature and just be like, I feel so peaceful right now and so present. Like, if you strive to have that peacefulness all the time, even with 100 things going on in your life, that success to

: 46:55

like, yeah, and I also am I also want to add, absolutely. And I also want to add, like, Hey, I'm someone who was diagnosed with mild depression, if you're sad, if you're in a funk, like in this very moment, like it's okay to sit in that, like, it's absolutely okay. Like, that's part of living in the present, as well as feeling your feelings. And I think a lot of people don't know how to feel their feelings. Like I was just talking to a girlfriend, who is realizing that this, this COVID 19 pandemic, has forced her to slow down, and she's beginning to see like, oh my gosh, like, I only feel purposeful when I'm useful when I'm doing something. And she's realizing that she is just as wonderful, just as beautiful, just as amazing. If she's doing nothing, if she's watching Netflix, so she's just playing Animal Crossing. And if you're watching this, you know who I'm talking about. And that's completely okay. That's what I think is the power of the presence is like, really feeling where you're at in that moment, and seeking out help when you need it. Because some people think, Oh, I'm not going to deal with my, you know, issues or my addiction until I get there until I get to the certain destination. You know, until I do this until I do that. It's like no, like, you're gonna get there right now, if you seek out the right help, you know, there's help there's help today. There's free help today, especially today, with the pandemic. There's so many people offering free resources right now to help out everyone. Yeah, it's okay to live in the present. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's shady, sometimes it's the best time of your life. It's completely okay, whatever you're experiencing, it's a beautiful thing to live in the present. There's no, there's no better time to live than today, in this very moment. And I just want to thank you Romina for being present with me in this conversation and allowing, sharing the space together, because it's, it's a beautiful experience that we can't repeat ever again, you know, so end up

: 48:54

Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I feel like it's important to have conversation sometimes even that being on live stream or not live stream just reaching out to people and just being present, because you were talking about your friend but I was the one that I was actually complaining at first because I felt like the house was like taking my oxygen away because I'm always like on the go. I've slept so much in the last couple of days. And I've been so lazy, but productive the same time but I feel like I was being useless just being at home for a while. So it kind of got to me and I was like okay, I need to do something about this. But it is very true though. It's sometimes you need like moments like this to kind of appreciate of like your energy and slow down and it's okay. Like to color sometimes like my parents were making fun of me yesterday and I'm coloring and I'm like, leave me alone. Because I want to be present and I want to enjoy this moment. So it's a you you do you like at the end of the day, enjoy those emotions. Feel the feelings because if you just compound them and don't let it out or don't be a chat, like don't let the child in there you kind of like get In the moment, you will just explode one day and that's ticket.

: 50:03

Absolutely. It's going to come out anyway y'all. So you might as well let it come out as you feel it because it will come out and a

: 50:11

lower level. Let it on the lower level. Don't wait till it goes to tier 10.

Unknown Speaker: 50:16

Yeah, exactly.

: 50:19

Well, thank you so much, Jen for being a part of our M podcast FL you guys. I know we have the live stream. But if you're listening to this as a podcast, go ahead and look at the details. So you will be directed to Jim's information and make sure to listen to her podcast as well. And thanks so much for tuning in. And tuning back tomorrow. We have another live stream at 6pm. So have a good one, guys.

: 50:41

Bye. Thanks so much Romina for your time and thank you to our listeners. Bye