125: "Deployment sucks. But where can I find beauty and opportunity in the midst of it?" Deployment countdown boxes with Becky Hoy

Speaker 1 0:00

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator, and co host John Amos. And as always, I have my amazing co host with me, Jenny Lynn strip. Gentlemen, welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:12

Hey, thanks for having me. So glad to be here today.

Speaker 1 0:15

Yes. And with everything that you're juggling right now, outside of this, I just want to say thank you again for being here and trying to make it work.

Speaker 2 0:21

Oh, of course, this is one of my most favorite things that I do.

Speaker 1 0:25

d countdowns. Since launching: 2018

Unknown Speaker 1:01

you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1 1:04

And congratulations. I mean,: 3000

Speaker 3 1:13

Yeah, I love that number. Because it just gives us an opportunity to see the impact that we can have as a community and how many lives we're able to touch. So yeah, I'm excited about that, too.

Speaker 1 1:25

Yeah, for sure. Well, we'll dive a little bit more into brave crates a little bit later. But I thought I'd start by asking you, How does holding down the fort look like for you nowadays? Becky, give us a snapshot of your life.

Speaker 3 1:35

Sure, yeah, absolutely. You know, I think all of us in the military spouse community, and especially in this pseudo post pandemic world that we're living in have had to adjust over the past couple of years, when it comes to holding down the fort. And so just in my personal life, right now, we are getting ready for a PCs to Allahu Hawaii. So that has been really a huge focus for us. But over the past two years, we have also gone through a pandemic era deployment where my partner was overseas, and I was here at home and kind of holding down the fort in a very literal way. And so for me, that really has looked like being flexible and making space to adjust and allowing for things that are unexpected, both the regular things that we experience in our lives during deployments, but also things that are related to the way the world is evolving and changing, right? Like, I used to have a very specific way that I would connect with people and connect with my community and connect with hobbies, and activities. And that's all changed for all of us in a lot of ways. And it's nice that we're kind of heading into a new sense of normal, but it's not the same, then for me, it's been a lot about learning to adjust and be flexible, which full disclosure is not my strong suit, but I'm leaning into it.

Speaker 1 3:06

Yeah, you're sort of just like embracing it. And I hear you in regards to, you know, like redefining, like what community means for us in today's times, although, as a military community, I think it is very, you know, common to maintain relationships online, I think it's just sort of intensified with all of us having to stay at home for the most part. And so it's interesting, because like, whenever I start to feel like I'm going to go insane, and have like Cabin Fever, I remind myself, like, at least I have technology, at least I have technology, like in any other time in history where there was a pandemic, you know, they didn't have the kind of technology and the safety we have today. So I have to, like, really remind myself of that on those days. It's like, gosh, I just wish I could sit in a coffee shop right now and just be alone in a crowd. But I can't do that. Because there's so many, like, barriers just show up into one of those places nowadays. So I hear you on that. And you know, talking about that spirit of just being flexible and, you know, kind of challenging yourself and being okay with that.

Speaker 2 3:58

Yeah, I mean, obviously about that whole community piece, and then just how it's changed. And, you know, for myself, we just did across country PCs, and for me coming home, but living in this weird like pseudo post pandemic world where I mean, I'm back in the place where I grew up, and I've known people my whole life. And still I can count on one hand how many of them I've seen, which is not the reentry to home I thought I was going to get you know, I thought I was going to like, actually be in community with all of those people. And so it's definitely been a weird thing that you know, was one more flex that I didn't think I'd have to do as military spouse like, you know, I flex prior to becoming a military spouse I would not have ever used the word flexible to describe myself currently, it's lame, probably slightly bendy. I don't know how much I really love like being really flexible. But yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 4:58

Well, I think it's something that All of us are dealing with and what stands out to me is that, as a military community, you're right, we all have been doing this like virtual space virtual community for a really, really long time. And so we actually were in kind of a unique position when things started moving into the online space, because we're used to communicating with friends through zoom and phone calls, and all of that. But you know, there is that added level of like, just feeling isolated from the people that are, you could be physically around, and so Jennylyn, I can totally relate to that feeling of like, you kind of have this picture of what life's gonna look like in the next 369 months. And in military life, we're all somewhat used to living with that uncertainty of like, anything could happen, there could be a deployment, there could be a PCS, there could be a TDY, like, all of these things are part of our reality. And so you know, the fact that things aren't back to truly normal, and it wasn't planning to talk about the pandemic with you all, but that's apparently, where I wanted to go at this. Or the fact that things are totally like back to the old version of normal just adds an extra layer of uncertainty and stress on that. And so it's been really inspiring, in my work to see the way that military spouses and the military community has kind of pivoted and adjusted to try to make space for connection in the midst of that.

Speaker 2 6:23

go somewhere. I mean, we had: 1000

Unknown Speaker 7:04

do it if we could, if only

Speaker 1 7:06

Yeah. Well, you know, speaking of which, generally, I'm glad that you brought up brave crates, because that was the next thing that I wanted to transition into. For me at this time. It's interesting, because I think many of us have reacted to the pandemic in different ways. But I think for me, like what I've done is tried to lean more into community as much as I could through technology. And so you know, Becky, I think you are definitely one of the key people, I think, in this military space in these interesting times to, you know, still create stable community through something such as brave crates. And so for people that are hearing about it for the first time, tell us a little bit about it. And you know how it is this deployment countdown box for military spouses.

Speaker 3 7:44

So I think the best way to explain brave crate is to explain why I started it. So during my husband's first deployment, we had been newly married I think we had been married for like two months and PCs to Fort Bragg, North Carolina promptly got there and found out like he's deploying right away. And I was really young, I was brand new to the military space and brand new to marriage and in a new location. So I struggled the entire first few months about deployment. And I have this memory of like, sitting in my living room and crying the day I dropped him off. And then the day after, and the day after that, and just feeling so hyper focused on how many days it was gonna be until he got home. And so I don't know if either of you have ever done that, but you feel like you just can't break out of the countdown. And you're like, Okay, it's gonna be 20 sleeps, and three hours and 22 seconds. And I realized I was really like wishing away my life, like I had this this moment of clarity where I was like, Becky, you're not getting these days back. And even though Randy, my husband is deployed, even though he's not here, you don't want to wish these days away, like one day, you're going to look back and wish you had this time, and you hadn't just wished it all into non existence. And so I had that big shift and decided, You know what, I'm going to try to see this as an opportunity, like deployments that it does, there's no getting around that. But where could I find beauty and opportunity in the midst of it. And so I really created a structure in my life that allowed me to focus less on how many days until homecoming, and shift my focus on to how I could make those days count for myself. And so I really took this deep dive into using that time for personal growth and development and self care. And I stopped counting days, but instead I started counting. Okay, how many coffee dates do I have with my friend before homecoming? How many books do I want to read before homecoming? Where am I doing something special for myself and really pulling myself out of that like day by day, hour by hour countdown? So fast forward a few years, one of my best friends is getting ready for her partner's first deployment and she's just like She's in the suck like, she is not looking forward to it, understandably, everything she's finding online, our lead blog articles about how terrible deployment is and, you know, 20 quotes to listen to read to yourself when you're feeling sad and lonely and like these are true and sometimes really helpful resources. But I was like, listen, deployment is one of the best things that has happened to me personally, and also has happened to my marriage. And I know you think I'm crazy, but I promise you if you approach it in the right way, it can be a good thing, kind of like a marathon where you're, I'm assuming I'm not a marathoner, but I'm assuming if you are a marathoner, you have points in the marathon where you're like, This really stinks. I'm tired. I don't enjoy this right now in the moment, but at the end, you look back and can say that was good for me. So anyway, all of that to say I put together a care package for her that had all of the things that had inspired and encouraged and uplifted me during deployment countdowns. So things like bullet journals and care package kits, so I could focus on, you know, connecting with my partner from a distance, and self development books and self care items. So I can make time for rest and relaxation, and snacks and treats because who doesn't love snacks and treats? Like we all need that? She loved it? And I thought, how do we make this more widely available to people? How can we turn this into something that can really start a movement in the military spouse community of people who want to approach deployment differently, and focus more on making these days count instead of just counting the days and grapefruit was born out of that. And the great thing is, it's kind of a self selecting community of military spouses. Because you have to be in that mindset, or at least want to be in that mindset in order to decide to sign up for a brave credit subscription. Like, if you're not committed to trying to make the most of this time and trying to see deployment as an opportunity, you're just going to pass us by and that I get that it's not for everyone. And but those military spouses who do choose to to join us, they're able to come together. And yes, they get this wonderful care package every month that's filled with things to help inspire and encourage them during their deployment. But they also get to be in this virtual space, our members group, and we have challenges every month so that we can really lean into how we can use this as a safe time for self development. There's Virtual hugs flying all around the group, there is advice there support, there's homecoming celebrations. And that has really been the true joy for me and in bringing this community together.

: 12:37

Yeah, absolutely. I think that is incredible. I have a question. But I figured I'd go to Jenny Lynn first. And she is the most experienced with deployments in between us. So Daniel, in any thoughts?

: 12:46

Oh, man, a couple one as like, oh, we have an impending deployment coming up. Like perhaps this is something I looked into for myself, because our first two deployments were so close together, and we had so much other life change that had nothing to do with the deployment. I mean, I had our second son a month into our first deployment. And so you know, that there was no let me think about how I'm going to take care of myself, I had a toddler and an infant. And I remember getting to like the six month mark, and it was a seven month deployment. And just going okay, I did six, like I did it, it should be over now. And like that last month was just horrendous because it was like I did this six month lift. And now I want to be done. And it really like that last 30 days was probably the hardest of the deployment. And then to have my husband redeploy, really, like just a couple months after that, you know, kind of, I don't know that we ever got out of deployment mode, I just continued to put one foot in front of the other with this baby and this toddler, you know, my kids ate a lot of chocolate, we counted down with daddy kisses, which are really Hershey Kisses just rebranded by mom to countdown, and they were really like too young to even get it and we didn't even have a jar big enough to put all of them in so I just kept refilling it until the very end where you know, they could see that there were like seven left but didn't do anything for myself other than put one foot in front of the other taking care of my tiny people and so I love that you have come into this space and acknowledged that like hey everybody who is going through a deployment you know needs a little a little something like a little uplift because you can get brought down in the suck like have this is the worst it's never going to end oh my gosh how many more days and you know, creating a space but instead is looking for know where can you have fun or do good things or, you know, something joyful to look forward to.

: 14:54

And that's one of the things we hear over and over again is just the surprise and delight of Milan Terry's spouses when they get their next box, because it kind of reframes the time, right, you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it's already time for the next brave crate, and it tricks your brain a little bit into feeling like that time is moving. And I so strongly identified with what you were saying, Jenny about. Feeling like you got to that six month mark, and you were like, Alright, I'm done. Like, I did this. I deserve my homecoming now. And, you know, unfortunately, the military doesn't always recognize that ending when we do. So, you know, I think that's pretty universal, something that that most of us have experienced.

: 15:35

Yeah. And I like that you make it you know, accessible. Like my big thing for our second deployment was we're going to Disney World. And Gosh, darn, we did, like I convinced my parents and my sisters. And so five adults and two small children, like went to Disney World, like mid deployment because I just needed something, I needed something that was fun and something to look forward to. And that was the thing I counted down toward, you know, until the middle of that deployment. And then it became the countdown toward the end which after Disneyworld made probably made that a little more difficult. It's hard to hard to have any more magic than Disney. But you know, I love that what you have makes a really affordable and accessible for spouses tap at Disneyworld moment, like every month.

: 16:20

Yeah, absolutely. And looking at the packages that you have Becky, one thing I like that you include in the boxes are tools for growth. So you know, you include like self development books, journals, and stationery. And I just like that rather than focusing again on the countdown more so I can use this time to develop myself to you know, expand my mind, my personal development, you know, etc, etc. Can you give us an example of you know, one of the, let's say self development books that you have included in these recruits in the past,

: 16:49

so we actually included you are a badass everyday by Jensen cero. And that was such a fun experience for us because it was it's short little actionable pieces of encouragement. I don't know if either of you have read the book, but it's something you can kind of just pick up and run with whenever you have time and kind of take a little piece of inspiration or a little tip for overcoming self doubt or overcoming fear or stepping into confidence and deployment to season where we all experience but we really have tackled so many different topics. During our countdowns one of my favorite is having dove into finances deployment. I know it's not like the sexiest topic in the world. But deployments a time where we see financial shifts, right, we might see added expenses. If we have children and need more childcare, we might see added income if our partners receiving different types of pay for the deployment. And it can be a financial opportunity if we approach it the right way. And so we try to kind of cycle through a lot of the different areas that we can lean into during deployment this month. Yeah, we're in October. This month, we're talking about sleep, which can be a really big struggle for military spouses during deployment. And so our entire brave crate for the month of October was really themed about learning to rest and getting into a good rest habit and rest pattern. We don't always include a book but we always tackle the subject in detail during our challenge weekends, which is a three day online challenge where members can jump in and jump out and have conversation that's kind of like guided through prompts about the topic that month and share advice, share struggles and challenges. And so it's that's so much fun being able to kind of dig into this and see our military spouse members walk away with like, even one key takeaway from the month like if you learn one thing about yourself in the month, like, Hey, I sleep a lot better when I read instead of watching Netflix, or hey, I am going to feel more peace if I have a budget like if you learn that in one month during deployment that is going to carry with you through homecoming and have an impact on your life beyond that season. And that's really like that's the secret sauce and the goal is that we show up at homecoming as the best most resilient version of ourselves and that instead of breaking us down this season of deployment actually builds us up more and more every time we go through it.

: 19:15

Yeah, I love that you know and thinking about sleep. One thing that has been really effective for me because my husband and I have been moving around a lot in the recent months already. Wow. But weighted blankets are my favorite. So if anyone's ever looking for a way to just sleep better weighted blankets like they like I do not I mean sometimes I'll still get up and all night to go you know to go to the bathroom and pee just because I hydrate too much in the evening and that's not ever a good idea but I do it anyway. But other than that it like really just helps me go to sleep so I recommend that to anyone especially if you're you know not that I'm getting like paid to talk about weighted blankets but it's just been like my favorite like that is my new favorite blankie as an adult is a weighted blanket. Jamie let I'm curious if you have any like sleeping tips that have worked For you,

: 20:00

I mean, I totally have a weighted blanket on my bed. In fact, I went and bought like a king sized one that has two different weights because Matthew and I had tried sleeping each with one, but they kept getting all weird. And so I bought one and like one side is heavier for him and one tide is lighter for me. Now, right now I'm sleeping right in the middle because he's gone. So I get all of the weight, which is lovely. So no, I'm a big proponent of weighted blankets. I mean, I do a lot, actually, my nighttime routine is probably one of the things I am most strict about. Because I understand the importance of breasts, especially in this season where I work full time, I do things like a podcast, I have two children playing sports and my husband's out to see, you know, and I am a the screen goes off, I read a book, I you know, put something calming in the diffuser, like, I make sure that I have at least 30 minutes of like, I'm gonna read a book on pages, like a heart, like a like when you hold in your hand, you know and off of the screen before I go to bed, because it really does, really does set the tone for the evening out and have a really fancy alarm clock that I also am not getting paid to talk about but will totally tell you guys about because it's the best. It's called a hatch. And it looks like a little dome. And you can set it to, like I have mine set. So it gives me 30 minutes of extra reading light because I'm of the age where I need that, yay. And then it automatically like turns off and then a meditation comes on. And you can select your different meditations or you can select like calming music, and then that plays for however long you set it for. And then it rolls over into like White Noise Sound. So mine sounds like a fan. And then in the morning, it wakes you up with a gradual sunrise. So it's like, it's not this, like blaring that I can't do that. That makes me anxiety like yeah, go Wait, do I. So it's like this gradual sunrise. And then mine has little like wind chimes that after the sun is fully risen and the light is fully on it has little wind chimes until I shut it off. And that is probably one of my most favorite new gadgets that really kind of help set the tone like I find I sleep so much better on the nights I do the meditation because it just forces my brain to stop firing, like with the 1000 things that are still running through it.

: 22:29

That sounds like an amazing alarm clock you got there? Well, they just sharing and you know, also back I thought it was interesting how you brought up money during deployments. Because very often like my husband and I, you know, we work in finance, and we focus on off like when military families are about to transition, that's often when we start talking about money, partly because we have come to find that the military life is, you know, so busy and distracting in the sense to pay attention. So tell us a little bit more about, like how you've kind of been able to address finance, you know, to spouses during deployment.

: 23:00

So it has to be a conversation that people want to have, at least in my experience. And so we always try to approach it from that language from that angle when we're talking about finances. And we try to create a space that's safe for people to talk and be honest, because, you know, working in finance, and I am not a financial expert, so I will be giving zero finance advice to anyone. But it's important, I think that we normalize the conversation around finances. And military families have such unique financial situations, because our income changes based on the location we're living or our partner's current assignment. And so I think it's really important that we open up space to talk about that and be honest about it. But it can also be something that a lot of us are raised to have a lot of shame around, right. So whether it's not making enough money or feeling like you have too much debt or feeling like you don't have a great plan, and you're not budgeting, what we try to do is just create a place where people can start to have those conversations. Whenever we're doing something that is related to finance, I like to bring in someone who is an expert in it. So I've worked with Kate HERL, who is a financial planner for military families. I also really love working with JJ montenero, who is a financial advisor with USAA. You guys are smiling. It's funny because JJ is like, beloved in a military community, right? So we love working with professionals who can come in and give really actionable advice. But what I have found is that unless you are creating a safe place for people to communicate, they're not going to ask the questions that they need to be asking because they don't want to feel the shame. They don't want to feel embarrassed or feel uninformed. And so that's what I consider our role to be at Brave create is opening up the lines of communication and creating a place that every single day feels welcoming and inviting so that when those questions do come up, people feel comfortable to ask them and to talk about it, and then being able to connect them with experts who can give really solid advice around that.

: 25:05

Yeah, I love how you make that SafeSpace a priority, because that's definitely something that I've been even working on with my colleagues, because most of my colleagues are veterans. And so naturally, it's easy for them to talk to veterans and talk with very, like, you know, the way I describe it, how do I describe it like very, like kind of patriarchal, like priorities and a sense of like, how, like what money is, but you know, most military spouses or let's say, in this case, like female, and so there's a different language that has to be used when you talk to them about finance. And so that's something that I've been thinking a lot of, and the key thing that I have found to be at least my value with our team, is that empathy part like this is not just about like, how much money can I grow quickly, it's like, how can I understand my finances in a way where I feel stable and secure, you know, that I can like, do the day to days, without feeling like, you know, I'm going to go heavy into debt or anything. And so it's been really interesting to find that balance and that language, and I appreciate that, you know, you are one of those people like even though you don't have the background of being a financial advisor, you know, that the important thing is to make people feel safe, first even talk about it, because otherwise it is intimidating to talk about, well, you know, a lot of times it shameful, and it's intimidating, you know, talk about finance. And then if you're talking about it with people who don't maybe have that level of empathy, or understanding of your situation, and just talk about the numbers, like it's kind of like it's a big turn off. Right. And I Jenny Lynn, is nodding so we're gonna get get your thoughts on this.

: 26:25

I mean, I think it's one of the you talks about empathy and understanding, I think, what a lot of people don't realize and taking on the role of military spouse is like, how much of this inevitably falls in your lap, like, depending on how your relationship is and what it is, but I mean, while I was solely independent, before I met, and married my husband, and took care of all of my own things, it's a completely different thing to like, figure it out for a family. And, you know, again, like Becky mentioned, you know, you get paid this much of this duty station and this budget over here, and then sometimes you get extra pay, and sometimes they give you too much, and they automatically take it back out, and you've got this. I mean, like, I don't know that we ever have the same pay every month. And so it's that constantly, you know, revolving cycle of, and I think empowering spouses to be able to do that. So it becomes something that is, you know, comfortable and attainable, because I think when people hear the word budget, they hear strict, you know, they hear have to they hear must, it's all about the numbers. And really, it's not, you know, I mean, for us, it's about what's a comfortable lifestyle in this season. Like, we lived very differently during deployment, because, you know, my husband was making the hazardous duty pay, and this, that and the other and we needed fun things to look forward to like Disney World versus, you know, the day to day today where my kids go to school every day, and they play baseball, like there's such different things in different seasons. I think empowering people to realize that and then do that for their own family better men is really awesome. And what I've really heard throughout this conversation is like how much brave crates and like this program is not only about community, but it's about growth within the community, which I mean, Becky, you're talking to two people who literally say the word community 59 times an episode, because it is our most favorite thing. And so, you know, to not only inspire people to grow, but to grow with other people. Like, that's awesome. I mean, I did a budget by myself, and I hated it. Like after I took a class and, you know, talk to friends or, you know, got things like input from other people. I mean, that made such a difference in how I do things. And I just, I appreciate that you do that with everything from finances to being a badass, and bringing in the experts. And I really love that, like, you know, what your strengths are, I think that is such a gift, like, you came out and said, Hey, I'm not a financial expert, but I'm gonna point you to somebody who is, you know, is such a gift for your, the community you've created with brief grades?

: 29:01

Well, I appreciate hearing that. And that really is our role is is the community piece and getting a beautiful pink box filled with tools and treats and tips like that is phenomenal. And for some, some of our members, that's enough, like they, they're just like, I just need that thing to look forward to every single month. And we're happy to provide that and we love doing it. And it's so much fun to, you know, find new self care and self development tools and relationship tools that they can use. But I find that the real joy is in the place where people are able to come together and feel like they're not alone. And one of the you know, going to hit back to the finance conversation. One of the things that I love the most is seeing someone step outside of their comfort zone and share something that they were worried about sharing and then seeing 10 Other people jump in and say like, oh, you're not the only one who that's happened to or you're not the only one who feels a little bit resentful. For that your partner's deployed or you're not the only one who, you know, blew the budget one month. And now you're have to figure out where to go next. Like you're not alone in this. And that's really, I think, one of the beautiful. I mean, it's the reason why a lot of women who are expecting a baby join Facebook groups that are unique to the month that their baby's going to be born because it's other people going through that exact same thing. And so, in the brave crate members group, it's just a nice place to be able to connect with other people who are in that same experience right alongside you.

: 30:31

Yeah, absolutely. Speaking of community, since we've mentioned it for the 1,520/3 time. Becky, you are the co founder of pillar, which is the digital retreat for deployment countdowns. So every year in November, you hold this digital retreat, tell us about this and how you continue to practice community in this digital space, such as pillar.

: 30:52

Sure. So two years ago, I reached out to one of my closest friends, Joanna golden Noll, who is the creator of the Joe, my gosh, blog, which is one of the longest running and most visited military lifestyle blogs out there. And I said, Hey, I'm noticing in my work at Brave crate that a lot of our members are coming in. And they're shocked to find all of the resources that we're sharing things like podcasts, like yours, and blogs, and all of these people who have written books about deployment and military life. And they're so grateful to be connected with all of this, but some of them have been in the military community for like 678 plus years. And they haven't found these resources on their own. What would it look like if we brought all of those resources together in one space for three days? And if it was online, so anyone can attend? And what if it was totally free? And what if that allowed us to connect military spouses all over the country and stationed around the world with their partners with the best resources to help them create a deployment action plan, whether they're counting down now or in the future? So Joanna is just as crazy as I am. And she said, we need to do this. So she jumped on board, and co founded pillar, the digital retreat for deployment countdowns with me. And so during the pillar retreat weekend, in 2021, it's November 12, through the 14th. So if you're listening after that, and it'll be, you know, November in the following year, but over the three days, we welcome more than 25 military, spouse and lifestyle experts to share really actionable tips through workshops on how to navigate deployment, everything from saving on care packages to this year, we're having a candid conversation with a military mom and a military spouse about navigating the relationship with your in laws, which oh my gosh, hot topic, we need to talk about more. And navigating finances doing reintegration really well, how to create strong communities how to count down with toddlers or teens or kiddos. And we just bring all of this together over three days along with really awesome giveaways, and community live conversations and tip sharing. And by the end of the retreat, military spouses who attend are able to have this tangible deployment action plan where they know Okay, these are the steps I'm going to take to thrive in this deployment season. And also, here are the people who really resonated with me. And so if there's, you know, a speaker or a presenter that you loved last year, we welcomed Dr. Gary Chapman. So I know The Five Love Languages book was a big part of a lot of the spouses who attended their action plan for the year ahead. I feel like I'm rambling a little bit, but I love the three days and we actually are so grateful to have USAA as a presenting sponsor for the pillar retreat. And that's what allows us to really make this amazing resource available to military spouses. Totally free. Yeah,

: 33:55

that's absolutely amazing. And again, just that spirit of community and you know, being able to provide these resources to remind each other that you know, we're not alone and we can get through it and you have access to these resources to make that possible.

: 34:08

Oh, man, I mean, she said the word I most loved to hate reintegration. Oh, I wish I would have had like a whole seminar on that before we did it. Like sort of twice back to back I don't know that we really ever did it the first time because they were so close together. You know, I just, again, like think this resources like are awesome and that they are encouraging people to have an action plan like an action plan. I'm 39 years old. I don't know that ever anybody's ever looked at me outside of work and gone Hey, you should have an action plan for things. I'm not a goal setter. It's hard for me but like calling it an action plan or at least having things like to look forward to or to Yeah, I really look forward to I think what is super helpful and really helps with the other thing Jen and I talked about on here. 89 times in episode is mental health like having something That's, at least for me, I have a teaching background. And I have learned that as an adult who's no longer a teacher, I really thrive on a lesson plan, I need to set my workday up in this like not teacher space, like a lesson plan. Otherwise, my brain has a really hard time with trying to figure out what goes where and how to do it. And so to think that, like, you know, you can do that for deployment, I think just really set you up mentally and emotionally like in such a better place, because you have these like, pillars for lack of a better word, you know, and touch points that really help you thrive and not treated as this leg dreaded. Oh, my gosh, we have so many more days, but that more to your point from the beginning of the show like that, oh, wow, I have this many more days to do XYZ or to accomplish XYZ or to rest for I mean, let's be honest, you don't have 89 uniforms, you're washing a day. So you know, heat press a little more.

: 36:00

And then what you mentioned about the importance of mental health, I think is so critical. And so one of the things we always incorporate is having mental health professionals who are a part of our speaker team, and also connecting military spouses with mental health resources throughout the retreat. I think that that's a whole other podcast right about this as to the stigma around mental health and the barriers to mental health care access in the military. But one of the things that I really love about pillar outside of the tactile, like, I'm going to learn things, I'm going to create an action plan, like that all happens. And for some people that sparks all the joy, you're like, yes, I want the tips I want. You know, I want to know what Jenny Lynn does for integration that works for her. And I'm going to copy that like that may be the real draw for some people. But what's also wonderful about it is that it's three days of encouragement, it's three days of inspiration. It's three days, where you have a community of hundreds of military spouses who are coming together to support and offer you encouragement and remind you that you're not alone in your countdown experience. And so last year was our initial event our first year ever. And that was really one of the most beautiful things about it was seeing all of the love and encouragement that military spouses have for one another. And again, we talked about this so much before, but that sense that you're not alone. And it's amazing to see so many military spouses in one place, who are either going through that experience with you right now or preparing for the inevitable reality that they will at some point.

: 37:32

Yeah, that was gonna be my question is this typically marketed to people who have already started a deployment or who are like getting ready to do a deployment, like what demographic is like your most show or uppers for this.

: 37:45

So if you are a military spouse, who will ever have the possibility of being on the home side of a deployment, we encourage you to attend. The Retreat is it changes every year, we're always tackling new topics, we're always updating the focus areas so that we can talk about what's the most relevant. And so there's always something new there to be learned. And, you know, strategies are always changing. And the community is always shifting and evolving. So there's always something new to learn. And whether you're going through a deployment right now, or could be at some point in the future, or even if you're on the tail end of the deployment, and you're like, hey, I want to do these last few weeks or these last few months really, really well. There's going to be something in it for you as far as who is the that's a really good question that I don't know, I have an answer to. We probably saw the majority of our attendees were people preparing for an upcoming deployment, whether they had a date, or they just knew like, you know, sometimes you get that spidey sense. And you're like, I feel a deployment coming on. I no one's told me it's coming. But I just feel it in my bones. And we had a lot of, you know, military spouses who were in that camp as well. But also, like brand new military spouses, who have no idea when a deployment is coming. But if you remember back to your first year of being married to someone in the military, that was all I thought about, like, well, he deployed really quickly. But even before that, while he was in like basic training, or, you know, signing papers at the recruiting office, I would wake up every few days and be like, Oh, my gosh, he's gonna like go overseas at some point. And it can be so helpful to get insight into that before it happens. And to know like number one, yes, it's difficult, but you can do it. Here's how others are doing it. Here's what you can do to set yourself up for success in that season. That's awesome. Yeah.

: 39:33

Well, Becky, as we start to wrap up here, I'm in admiration of everything that you're doing for our community. And I imagine that it really fills you up, you know, to be this purposeful, to feel like you know, you're making a difference in the community and also knowing that you're not alone.

: 39:51

It is so encouraging to be a part of a community, right? We love that word. It's so encouraging to be a part of a community and that has the same vision for their lives as you do or similar vision to their lives. And I have found that since starting brave crate we've, we have gone through a deployment season and I leaned on this community in a big, big way. And that was the full circle moment. For me. That was the full circle moment where I was like, Oh, my gosh, I get to experience this same love and support as other people. And I knew every day when I woke up, like if I'm having a tough day, I have a community of people to turn to, and they're there to help and support me. And so that was probably one of the best moments that I've experienced after having started gravy train.

: 40:41

Yeah, and I think that's how you know, you've built a healthy community is it's reciprocal, right? Like you're not just being self sacrificing, and you're giving and giving and giving, but you're also receiving as well. And so Becky, I just want to say, you know, kudos to you and to all the work that you're doing. Well, you know, Becky, we have really appreciated your time. Thank you so much, again for joining us and talking about brave crates, as well as the pillar digital conference. Let us know if people want to get a hold of you. How can they find you.

: 41:09

So if you are a military spouse getting ready to count down and you want to check out brave crate, you can go to brave crates.com. And we also have a blog there with some really great tools and some you know, freebies that you can use to help support your deployment season. And at Brave crate on Facebook and Instagram for pillar you can have head to pillar deployment retreat calm. If it's after the retreat, you'll see a waitlist so you can get on the early bird list to join us next year. Or you can follow us at pillar deployment retreat on Facebook and Instagram for updates and exciting announcements.

: 41:42

Awesome. Fantastic. Well, we'll definitely be continuing to follow your journey, Becky and all the amazing work that you're doing with Brave crates, as well as the pillar deployment retreat. Thanks again so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. I really appreciated this conversation today. So thank you

Unknown Speaker: 41:56

so much for having me.

: 41:58

Yes. All right. Well, that's it. Thank you all so much for joining us and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.