138: "With intentionality, it's possible to find joy in the present and to pursue purpose, regardless of what season of life that you're in." Crafting your life with Christine Hinrichs

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hello. Hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode here season six of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host, Jenn aImost. And as always, I have my amazing co host with me, Jenny Lynch troupe showing up in all of her glory. And having a fun day nowadays. Gentlemen, welcome back.

Speaker 1 0:18

Hi, I'm so glad to be here. Yes. So glad to be here.

Jen Amos 0:24

Your I love your attitude. I love your spirit. I love the reframe of everything that's going on in your life right now just incredibly impressed and gotta give it up to mental health.

Unknown Speaker 0:35

Also, ice cream. I'm definitely having ice cream after.

Jen Amos 0:38

Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Well, we are excited gentlemen, because as always, when we do the show, we have an opportunity to feature another incredible individual in our military community. And so let me go ahead and introduce Christine Heinrichs. Christine Heinrichs is a seasoned military spouse, mom of three girls, marketing strategist, former coffee house owner, love it. And lover of all things coffee. She is the host of the male spouse Mastermind Show, a podcast dedicated to helping military spouses get unstuck, and craft lives with purpose today. So without further ado, Christine, welcome to hold down the fort.

Unknown Speaker 1:17

Thank you. I'm so excited to be here today.

Jen Amos 1:20

Yeah, absolutely. I want to go ahead and kick it off, because you recently released an episode on your podcast show. So I want to go ahead and kick off real quick, Christine, and have our listeners appear into your life as of right now. Because in Episode 71, of mill spouse Mastermind Show, you have decided to unapologetically give a recap of what's been going on in your life in the recent weeks, toward the end of April, would you care to reflect on that time? And give us a snapshot of what life looks like for you nowadays?

Speaker 2 1:50

Yes. So one of the things that I have wanted to do and have wanted to be a part of my own life for a long time is just having that mentorship for military spouses of this is what it actually looks like to chase a dream to pursue a goal to do the thing that's on your heart. And how do we balance that all with the military lifestyle? And there's a lot of resources out there for people who are entrepreneurs or, you know, doing different things. But what I didn't see was this space, specifically related to what does this look like day in and day out for military families. And so one of my goals for this whole year was okay, once a month, I'm just going to do a recap of my life. This is what it looks like. These are the challenges I'm facing. And this is how we're moving through it. So of course, I would pick the year that we're moving overseas. So if you've never done an O CONUS PCs, before, it's a month long process. When we moved out here two years ago, it took just over three months for all of our household goods to arrive. So we know wonderful, we're moving again, this summer, life is gonna be crazy. It's gonna take a while for our stuff. And so we several months back, we put this whole plan together, how we were going to structure this, how we were going to make everything work. And you know, it's a great plan. But as we all know what the military life plans are just play is and then life happens. And so our orders got delayed and delayed and delayed and, and so we kept saying, like, here's our timeline, and we're watching the timeline go by and we had already planned a big trip. We currently live in Guam, we were going back to the states for three weeks in the middle of March. And so we were hoping to have all of our stuff shipped off. So it's already moving across the water while we're on traveling around. And so none of that happened. So we leave for our trip in March, still with no word on when our stuff is coming when our orders are going to be come through. And so very the last week that we're on our trip, they're like, Hey, your orders are in and we can start scheduling the move. And we're like, Okay, well, we're still traveling. So we get back at the end of the month, and wake up Monday morning washing the laundry and find out that our packers are coming Tuesday morning. So immediately come back from severe jetlag, kids are out of sorts, trying to get all the laundry and start slipping our whole house in preparation for the packers to come on Tuesday. And in this whole time. I'm still trying to say okay, here are my goals. Here are my plans. Here's how I'm trying to make things work. And so that episode was just like, Okay, this is what it really looks like as a military spouse. I'm finding these cracks in the day where I'm still doing the things I'm still being consistent. I'm still releasing episodes for the past I'd cast, but our plans change, and we just kind of have to make it work. And so that's what all of March and really all of April has been, for me is really learning to survive all of the craziness of packing everything up having everything shipped off, and then now working out of an almost empty house, to continue to work from home. Yeah,

Jen Amos 5:26

I want to just take a moment here. And I want to turn over Jenny Lynn in a second. But really just commend you, Christine, for wanting to give these recaps to your audience. And I think you're right, I think that there's a lot in the community where it's about, like, kind of big milestones or kind of focusing on like, the big things like, you know, the, what do they call it like the highlight reels of military life, but to actually share the day to day, you know, as mundane as it is, or if it isn't at all, really, you know, what actually goes on, I think it does require like, a level of vulnerability to do that. Because the military life can feel so isolating sometimes with all the deployments and the movements. And it's sometimes often feels like you're alone in this. And so I love that you're leading from the front in a sense by being so open with what goes on in the day to day, genuine. I know, it's been almost a year since your last PCs, I'm sure you have some thoughts about this.

Speaker 1 6:22

I mean, has it though, like, so feels like yesterday, but you guys are getting and no one on the podcast can see. But my background is my actual office, which appears to be really put together, there are color coded books behind me. And like fancy little knickknacks, and all of that, and it looks great. What nobody can see is that literally immediately to my left, is everything in my house that has nowhere to live, because we're still doing a renovation, and we've been in this house for almost a year. So included in the things are here, our stacks of papers, clean dishes, a coffeemaker, and an electric scooter, all on the floor of my office that I get to pick my way over in and out of the office so that people can see the fancy books behind me. So you know, Christine, like, cheers to you for normalizing this life. Like, I am so happy about that. Because Jen's right, like, we get a lot of highlight reel. In fact, my husband is just having a conversation with a new a new coworker the other day, and he was kind of going through some of the challenges our family has been through. And she was like, Oh my gosh, really, like Facebook is amazing. He called me he's like, we got to stop doing the ship. Like we just have to. And I was like, but we've been really good about not posting the highlights. But even still, that's all people are seeing. Like, even though we've been honest. And even though, you know, it hasn't just been all like glamour shots and stuff. Like people are still like feeling like, you guys have challenges. Oh, heck yeah, like this life is hard.

Speaker 2 7:57

And that's the challenge of Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest. And we want to show like, hey, there are good things, and there usually are. But we also need to be honest about the flip side. Otherwise, people wind up feeling alone. And that's what I don't want to happen is the people feel like I'm the only one struggling or going through this. And I don't know how to do this. So I'm just gonna give up and wait for some future season of life to chase my dreams.

Speaker 1 8:26

The future season of life, that elusive future season that always seems to be just after this hard one. We've been doing this almost 20 years and I still haven't found that elusive future season. Magically easy in there. No, like, you don't have to work on plans, you know, D through Z.

Speaker 2 8:43

It's like the grass is always greener on the other side until you get to the other side. You're like, oh, this is just different. It's not better, not worse, but it's not easy. But yeah. The other process.

Jen Amos 8:55

I actually like love how we're having this conversation because literally like last Sunday, the service was about like when I was in church, the pastor was talking about being in the in between, you know, like, like Roy's kind of romanticizing, like when I get there, but you know, if my when I lose weight, or when I get more money or when I you know, a b and c fill in the blank, I will be happier when in reality, it doesn't exist. You know, it's it's very, it's a very like mythological future. And if there's anything that the military knows, it's, it's that is all a lie, the whole like, like we're in a constant in between, you know, life is constantly shifting underneath our feet. And I think Christine, what you have done for your community and the middle spouse Mastermind Show is to show military spouses that it doesn't have to be this constant life of survival and adapting and this uphill battle. It could be a life of, you know, purpose, joy, and impact. And I love that because when I think about our show and holding down the fort like as we continue to develop the show, and as it continues to refine or even like ever evolve at the end of the day I'm thinking to myself, like, sometimes I think about like, oh, I need to get to a certain destination. I think that's how we're kind of like wired as human beings as we always want to be wired to go somewhere, but I'm learning to, in a way, find joy in the journey. And as much as I try to practice that every day, as much as I can, you know, I think it's just that push and pull in our minds and in our hearts, to always want more, and everything. So I like how even in your description, but you teach people how to pursue a life of purpose, joy and impact, because you have to want it, you have to want it. And I think that's kind of, you know, that's really all I have to say about that. And just want to point out the description of your show and why I like it, because I feel like it's an alignment to just that intentionality to like live a very purpose driven, and more importantly, joyful military life.

: 10:45

Yeah, for sure. Because if we just let life happen, then we wind up feeling unfulfilled, we're in this place where we get more stressed, we feel overwhelmed with life, and, and we don't love the life that we're living. And so I wanted to start showing people that it is possible to find joy in the present to pursue purpose, regardless of what season of life that we're in, and that it takes intentionality in, yes, you absolutely have to want it, you have to seek it out. But it is possible. You can't control all of your circumstances, all of your situation, like the military is just going to throw curveballs your way, but we can control ourselves and how we respond to that situation. And we can choose to make life better, regardless of what season we're in.

Jen Amos: 11:43

Yeah, in hearing you talk, I was already feeling some, some anxiety, like sometimes not toward you, but more like, like, even just this morning, I woke up and I was feeling all this anxiety, I was feeling like, oh my gosh, I gotta do something, I gotta do something. But then I learned I was like, well, we wait, Jen, you can breathe. Like, you can just take a minute, you just take it easy. Like, you know, there's no saber toothed Tiger that's about to attack you like it's okay. And so I've actually learned in regards to like trying to be present and to live a purposeful and joyful, impactful, present, you know, really in life today, I have learned that breathing is really helpful. And so. So I'm curious for you, Christine. And I imagine that you talk a lot about this on your show, what are some tips that you want to share with our listeners today on how to practice crafting your life with purpose and intention, and joy and impact. So

: 12:31

the way that I have built this out, and we talk through it on this show is looking at your life, through the lens of these 10 core areas of your life, your relationships, your finances, your purpose, how you take care of your physical health, and your mental health and how you handle your home. And so there's these 10 core areas of our life. And one of the best things that we can do is break that apart and look at each of these areas and say, Okay, how am I feeling in each area? And we start to say, okay, here are the areas that I'm doing really well in. And here are the areas that I'm struggling in, and then asked the question, what would it look like to move forward in this area to feel more fulfilled in each of these areas. And once you start breaking it apart, you can say, okay, now I can kind of see where I'm doing really well and where I'm struggling and what I want to focus on for this season, because it's really about a whole life. And purpose is a huge part of that. But I think if we don't take our whole life into consideration, then we're still going to struggle with these feelings of something's not right. And so once I've broken, we've broken out these 10 areas, they can actually be divided into three core buckets. And I really feel like if we are missing one of these buckets, then life is going to feel off, we're going to feel like something's not quite right. But if we can pour into these three buckets, then we're gonna start switching over, we're going to start moving towards the cycle that I talked about of feeling filled, fueled and full of joy. And so these three core buckets are, how we care for ourselves, the self bucket, then are, how we are in relationships with others, how we connect, and then the third is our purpose bucket how we contribute. So either we're gonna find out that we're not taking care of ourselves. And if we're not filling ourselves up, or we're not filling that bucket, then we're not going to be able to pour out into those relationships and into pursuing our purpose. On the same side, we need connection we need relationships with other people. And we, if we don't have that kind of connection in that community, then we're going to feel really isolated. And we're not going to have that ability to keep doing what we're meant to do. So we need people in our lives, that's how we were designed. And then we need to have a purpose. And I say a lot, that fulfillment comes from contributing to something outside of ourselves. So it's not just about something for myself, but it's a way that I'm doing something that both lights me up, and impacts others that that does something that influences the world for good. And so if we don't have this purpose element, then we're still going to feel like life is off. Even if we have great relationships, and we're doing all of this self care in the world. If we don't have that sense of purpose and meaning and contribution, then life is gonna fill off. But this is kind of like a wheel that goes in a clockwise direction, because we can pour out and we can pour out and we can pursue that purpose. But if we're not taking that time to take care of ourselves and pour back into ourselves, then we're going to wind up in this place of burnout. So you can do something really good, but you can burn out doing it. And so that's why these three things all have to be present in our lives. And they all have to be a part of what we're doing. Because if any one of those elements is not in our lives, then something's going to fill off. And we're never going to reach that place of living with meaning and purpose and finding joy and fulfillment in our everyday. Now, there are lots of specific exercises like you talked about the breathing, exercise, the breathing, exercise, and all of these things that help us start on that journey. But I think a great place to start is just, I have a free download on the website. If you go to mill, spouse mastermind.com/growth wheel, then you have a free assessment you can download, you will walk you through each of the 10 areas of your life. So you can see, you know what you're doing great at where you're really struggling and start coming up with some ideas that move you towards who you want to be in that help you start to think about what it looks like to live a fulfilling life today. I love it

Jen Amos: 17:25

in hearing your talk, Christine, the thing that stood out to me the most and because this is where I'm fixated on and this is the kind of the theme of my life right now for 2022 is the community aspect like needing to be connected with people, and also the need to feel needed. This actually goes back to the book that Jennylyn recommended to us Oh, so long ago tribe by Sebastian Junger. And in the book it talked about, like, you know, part of the reason why veterans had struggled in post military life is because they didn't feel needed anymore. And so, you know, everything I do today puts me in a position where I have to feel accountable to someone, because on hard days, I need that I need to feel like I can, you know, contribute, I need to feel like I'm needed by other people. I mean, that can easily fall into codependency tendencies. But that's a conversation for another time.

: 18:12

I love that, that buckets thing. And that would be curious, like how the 10 aspects like, fit into each bucket. But I mean, I can look back while and even kind of look at now, like, the times in my life where I struggled, and it's because of one of those buckets wasn't getting any, anything in it for that bucket was so pour it out, it just, you know, I was very depleted. And a lot of it, you know, and I, Christine, you talked about it quite a bit. But like, that whole purpose thing, it's really sometimes it can be really difficult as a military spouse to feel purposeful as anything other than identifying as a military spouse. And it makes it you know, so we waffled between self and community, self and community. I mean, we're, we're chronic over volunteers, like, military spouses are like the number one group of volunteers anywhere, because we feel like we only have those two buckets, I can either work on myself and then do self care or I can do for my community. But that whole purpose piece often feels lacking, especially for those of us that started out with careers that required licensing, you know, that immediately kills your purpose when you PCs, and it takes you two years to re license so you're moving again. So as I have dug in to looking at what I really enjoyed doing for myself, and what I really enjoyed being a part of or doing for my community, that helped me create a purpose, but that was no longer attached specifically to like, where we were located or what my husband's role was. Currently, and having that third bucket be full, knowing that like, these are the things I want to pursue and and passionate about have really my season Dears, as a male spouse, you know, I'm much more at peace with the lifestyle and the things that we are asked to do as a community than I was early on. Because I found that purpose bucket.

: 20:22

Yeah, I think you make a really important point, I had an interview on my show a few weeks back with Bree Carroll, who was the I believe, 2020, armed forces insurance spouse of the year for Air Force. And in our conversation, she talked about volunteering and doing all the things and getting all of the accolades for that. And realizing at the end of the day, it she still didn't feel fulfilled, because she wasn't in alignment with what she was supposed to be. She was doing all these things that everybody else said, Hey, here's how volunteer, here's how you have purpose. And it didn't connect with her. And so having to kind of step back from that to say, know, what is meaningful to me, what am I wired for? And how can I start pursuing that?

: 21:15

Yeah, same I mean, I was a chronic volunteer, as well. And there were parts of that, that I really enjoyed and parts of that, that I was like, I could go home at the end of the day and feel really good about the things and then I was like, what is it I really love, and I mean, I'm so grateful for this show, because part of what I really love is bringing community together and this, you know, we're able to do that here. This definitely fills my purpose bucket, you know, the other thing is, is like being able to use this shows vehicle to talk to civilians, and go, Hey, have you ever been curious about us, like, it's military folks, like, tuned into our podcast, we talk about military life all the time. And so really figuring out like, that military people are my people, but also wanting to be involved in civilian community and bring them in to the lifestyle we lead has really greatly affected my ability to constantly pour between the buckets filled, fueled and full of joy. Yes, despite the challenges military life brings,

: 22:15

for sure. I know, in my own life, even in the most difficult seasons, like having that sense of purpose that I'm showing up for something other than myself is what really keeps me going. Two years ago, we had our PCs out here, and that was by far, the most stressful PCs I've ever died, I thought that after doing several of them, I would get better. Oh, Conas PC as at right at the beginning of COVID, where our orders got turned on and off multiple times. And it was it's down to the wire of whether this was actually happening, whether we were actually selling our house, people were moving in the day, we were moving our stuff out, it was insanity, and I let myself get way too anxious, get way too stressed. I had a lot of negative physical reactions in my body. And even though I like had the head knowledge of like, I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I still got caught up in the craziness of the move. And, and really, I was just at this place where I was super fatigued, I had no energy, like, all I could do was just lie on the couch. And it was really tapping back into that idea of purpose. And how do I want to show up for other people that really helped begin to pull me out of all of that anxiety that I kept going back to and saying, No, I'm not going to focus on everything that's going wrong, or that might go wrong. I'm going to focus on what I want to do how I want to show up how I want to serve.

Jen Amos: 23:55

Mm. Wow, I'm just processing everything that you're sharing. And I have to ask you, Christine, because you know, clearly, of course, like you said, like every PCs, it it doesn't get easier, even if you know it even if it's familiar. But again, you know, the fact that you continue to lead from the front, and be able to teach as you go as you're living this life, I think is incredible. Tell us a little bit about your support system, because obviously you're not doing this alone. You know, we always say this, even on our show, it takes a village to take care of everyone and just with everything that you've been doing, you know, in your work and your show in the community. You know, tell us a little bit by your support system, even if you want to give a little shout out.

: 24:35

Yeah, for sure. First of all, big shout out to my husband who was like believes in me he's like, go for it. He's obviously my kids just woke up and he's trying to take care of them. So they're not reading in here because they're like Mommy, so he has been a huge supporter of me and the show and of me really pursuing this dream on my heart. So number one is to buy husband, obviously, when we live, you know, on the other side of the world from all of our family, like a extended family is not really an option for us right now. So we've done a million different things for child care over the last several years since my oldest was born. And it's looked different at every place that we've lived. Right now, we have a great situation where my younger to go to the CDC on base, and my oldest is an elementary like right across the street. So I get some pie without kids to be able to focus on stuff. So having that childcare support, whether that's through a preschool, whether it's, you know, taking turns with a friend or a neighbor, having something that gives you that quiet space, I always say that is huge. Even when I had babies at home, I would try to take like one Friday morning a month, and just have some time to myself to like, be able to process to be able to do things. For me that didn't involve babies. So really the childcare support system, my husband, and then just my online community has been huge. We're in this place where we are moving roughly every 18 months to two years right now. And so having relationships with people, where we're stationed, has begun to get more difficult. And I have great relationships with my neighbors right now. But getting involved in a community when you move so frequently, is hard. And so having relationships with people online and staying connected, I have a group of podcasters that I regularly talk with, to help keep me motivated with podcasting. And I have my military friends that I've met at different bases, and we keep in touch regularly. And so just having those communication and finding new ways every time we move to make sure that I have the support and encouragement that I need. And then I would say lastly, is just seeking opportunities to continue to grow myself, whether that be through books, or listening to podcasts or taking courses, but just investing in myself and I'm pouring into myself and helping myself, learn new things, learn new strategies for how to deal with all of the stuff that gets thrown at us and all of the anxiety that will inevitably rise up all of the stressful situations that we're gonna face, and strategies to help us better handle those situations.

Jen Amos: 27:49

Well, kudos to you well done. It just reminds me about how one thing I didn't mention in our notes here yet is that part of your hope in the work that you do is to see more spouses break free from blaming their circumstances, and instead to choose to craft a life of purpose and chase your dreams today. And I think in this kind of life, you know, you can set those goals and you can aspire for certain things. But sometimes we let's say we get attached to the results, we get attached to like what we hope it looks like. And of course, as we know, it is it's not always going to look like the way that we thought it was gonna look like. And so it is very easy to blame our circumstances and be discouraged. And so I just want to I know, there's so much more like, I know that we just kind of scratched the surface with your show. But I just want to commend you for being an example of what can you do instead? How can you kind of reframe your situation? How can you fill up your own cup? How can you know how can you remind yourself to put yourself first in the chaos of it all, because you are just as important as your kids as your spouse as the community at large. Right. And it's very commendable, and it's inspiring. And I think it's also part of the reason like why I continue to love doing the show, because I'm constantly reminded by the spouse community that you can do it all. I mean, you know, within reason, but genuine, just just curious if you had any thoughts,

: 29:11

it does feel like we do at all. Some days, I would like to do none of the things and I'd really like a nice long nap, you know, but I have to echo a lot of what Christine said like, it is hard when you move all the time to find that community. I mean, Jen, you and I've talked about it. I don't know if we've talked about it recorded, but I moved back home last summer, like I grew up in this area, I lived here, you know, gosh, we moved away in 2013. So I was 31 I mean that's the first time I really moved away other than for college and a short stint in Florida after college. And so I really, really high hopes like oh, this is the time I'm not going to have to put in all the work like this. I've got ready made community like I'm moving home. I know all these people I know We'll be area. And whether it be because pandemic restrictions were, what they were and vary all the time or, you know, because I was working full time or, you know, what have you it was extraordinarily difficult, like much more difficult than I anticipated it being. And we've been here probably like three or four months. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, Why did I think this was gonna be easy? Like, why did I assume that this was just gonna be like, okay, reinsert. We've been gone 10 years, it'll be fine. You know, and really having to be intentional, once again, about figuring out what community look like in this season. Because the other things that changed. I mean, I have a middle schooler now, when we left he was three very different seasons of life and figuring out like, what support you know, and Christine, you touched on a bit like what support looks like in those seasons. I mean, yeah, there's a time when both my kids were babies, I hired a babysitter every Thursday. So I could have four hours of like, I'm gonna go read a book and eat Panera by myself, you know, and now my kids are gone most of the day at school. But the level of care and concern they require is not much different than toddler age, it's just completely different. We do a lot more talking and have a lot more feelings these days. And finding community in that season. And it's not as ready made. It's like, hey, let's all go to the park or Chick fil A and like meet at the play place like, but community has been such an important piece of who I am and how I show up in the world. That after having that momentary like, oh, my gosh, this is so much harder than I thought it was. And why Why am I here again, you know, but you know, finding the community that I needed in this season does look very different than the community I had before. You know, I'm part of a, I work full time, like having people that are other professionals are important in my life and having people with kids in middle school and even a little bit older. So I get to like talk about like, well, what comes next? And things like that have been super important. And learning still, like flexibility. But man today has required an extraordinary amount of flexibility just to do the interview.

Jen Amos: 32:21

Yeah, well done. We made it.

: 32:23

For sure. I think I mean, flexibility is always key. I moved from having an office when we had our staff and now that all of our belongings have been packed up and shipped. They don't let you keep furniture. And so you know, I'm either we have, because we're overseas, we do get like a dining table with some really uncomfortable wooden chairs. But it's either like working there or recording on the floor of my closet, or thankfully we have a USO on base where that has way more comfortable chairs that I can go and work again. But it's really just that flexibility that were like, Okay, this happened now how do we shift? How do we make it work for this season? Because every season is just different. And you think as soon as you've figured it out, something changes. And so it's like, Okay, now let's figure out how to make this work. But it's really that flexibility, muscle, you're we're developing resiliency, and we're becoming better able to handle the challenges of life. And so it's not just, oh, we have to grin and bear it, but it's actually changing us and building us into a better version of

Unknown Speaker: 33:40

ourselves.

Jen Amos: 33:42

I think what this reminds me of is this theme that we were talking about, whether we like outwardly said it throughout the conversation, but it's more of this key word that's been standing out to me this entire conversation in my notes, and that's the word. That's the word fulfillment, you know, like, like, trying to, like part of fulfillment is, and you said this so eloquently in your notes, really, I don't know if I summarize a certificate from your website, but being able to contribute to something outside of ourselves, and finding ways to bless others in our current season keyword, current season, and not just bless others, but like, you know, collect what you need in that current season. And I love how, you know, Jennylyn like you were born raised here in Hampton Roads. And you're saying like, Oh, I thought that we could just come back and get inserted straight into community again, and everything's gonna be fine. But what we're coming to learn is that community is a living, breathing organism. It's ever evolving and ever changing because of the people in it, or who are not in it anymore. And it's up to us to invest in our communities the way that we would water plants, like you can't just buy a plant and expect it to water itself. Like you have to do that. And I guess me think even as I have settled back into Hampton Roads, I didn't have that community that you had genuine but I know in the back of my mind, and this has a lot to do with having been a military kid. But it's like you got to put in that effort to build your community. And it's interesting. It's interesting when I think about my friends, let's say, back home back in the west coast where they were born and raised, and stayed in the same place till like their 30s, like young 30s, like you did, and they're still there to this point and how they have this built in community. But in a way, a lot of times are complaining about their community, and kind of how toxic it is, if you will, if you guys kind of catch my drift on that. And I think part of is because they never really learned to have to start over. You know, you never, you never had to learn that you could actually choose your community as opposed to be entitled to a community, let's say you grew up with. And I think that that's what I'm learning today. And that's what I'm hearing today is like having that flexible muscle, as you said, Christine, to like know how to contribute, how to bless others, but also to collect what you need in this current season of your life. And I think there's a lot of ways we can describe this, depending on how you want to look at it. It's a struggle, it's a blessing, it's a gift, it's a curse, it's a lot of things, but either way, it is what it is. So it's like, why not look at it and react to it and receive it in a way that serves you more than makes you feel like a victim and your circumstances. And again, it's easier said than done. I'm just glad that we're having this conversation to know that like, Hey, you're not alone, this struggle is very real, having to reinvent yourself every season is very real. And that is why we have we have even with you, Christine and the middle spouse mastermind podcast to remind us all that, like we're not alone in this, you know, going back to that community piece as as we've been kind of preaching this whole conversation so far. As we wrap up here, Christine, any follow up thoughts?

: 36:38

Well, I think what summarizes it? Well, for me, Viktor Frankl wrote this book, Man's Search for Meaning. And this has been one of the most influential books in my own life. But he talks about meaning being found in one of three places. It's found in doing work, having that sense of we're contributing to something outside of ourselves. It's a found in relationships with other people. And it's a found in choosing to find meaning in our suffering, and making them suffering, not just something we go through, but that we learn and grow from. And so that's the invitation the choice for all of us is, are we going to find and pursue a fulfilling life and, and do something that both lights us up and blesses others? Are we going to choose to invest in relationships, because if we don't invest in a relationship with any relationship, but if we don't put the effort into that relationship, it's not going to flourish? So we have to actually invest in relationships. And then we choose to say, Okay, this is where I am in life. This is my season of life that I'm in this is what's going on in my life today. And am I going to choose to make the most of what I have today and not something that's available to all of us as military spouses or even those who aren't military spouse? It's, it's available to all of us.

Jen Amos: 38:15

Man, I wrote that down, choose to find meaning and suffering. Ah, so beautiful. It's such a beautiful, thank you, Christine. Why would we even go from here? I'm speechless. No, I'll wrap up. Well, Christine, wow. What a conversation we have had today. Thank you for taking time in the, you know, in the adventure, I'm going to reframe it the adventure of military life, to be able to be here with us and give us a quick snapshot of where you're at and share some really good nuggets on how to still find service and to be a blessing to others. No matter what season you're in.

: 38:52

I love closing with finding purpose in the suffering. There's a similar quote from a conference I went to ages ago that was like, you know, purpose is where passion and pain collide. And I have found that to be so true in my own life. And I think there's a lot to be done with that within the military community. Because while we don't want to harp on the heart of this lifestyle, there's been so much passion and purpose to come out of it for so many people like and we have a lot to offer. So I think closing on that. I'm grateful for that reminder again today.

Jen Amos: 39:30

Awesome. Well, Christina, I know that people can reach out to you and check out your podcast once again, military spouse mastermind podcast, but let us know is there any other way you would like our listeners to get a hold of you should they want to reach out?

: 39:41

For sure you can find me on Instagram at Mill spouse mastermind. I'm also on Facebook, we have a Facebook page. And then we also have a Facebook group to really try to help build this community for military spouses. So you can search for male spouse mastermind in Facebook group Oops, or just go to middle spouse mastermind.com Ford slash community, and that will take you right there. Awesome.

Jen Amos: 40:09

And I didn't actually bring up this information, but I think it's important for our listeners to know, Christina, you and your husband have been together for 15 years, and he's been an active duty for 16 years. So I have to bring this up because Christine knows what she's talking about. And I just have to commend you for the season spouse that you are. And, you know, keep on keepin on. And with that said to our listeners, thank you all so much for joining us. We look forward to chatting with you in the next episode. Tune in next time