190: Candice E. Van Dertholen on Healing, Growth, and Transformation Through Energy Work

Jen Amos 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode here at holding on the Fords I am so excited to be bringing on our guest today. She is a holistic wellness educator, Candice Elizabeth. Candice, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 0:11

Hi. So great to be here today. Thank you. Yes,

Jen Amos 0:15

I'm so excited because I, you know, I did my online stalking, as most podcast hosts do before they interview someone. And the big thing that what I found a view is just this healing energy, like through the screen of my computer. So I, I'm just very excited to dive into conversation today to hear your story, hear why you do what you do and all that stuff. So once again, just thanks for joining me on the show. Well,

Unknown Speaker 0:39

thank you so much for stalking me too. Like

Jen Amos 0:44

you're welcome. You know, if people don't want to be stalked, you know, just don't put stuff online. I'm just kidding. But you know, in this case, it's like for business. So obviously, I only looked up like what was publicly available just for the record in case anyone's like, okay.

Unknown Speaker 0:59

That's my window. It's fine.

Jen Amos 1:02

Yeah, well, Candace, for people that are getting to know you for the first time, can you just give us a quick snapshot of your life? What keeps you busy and or excited about life nowadays?

Candice E Van Dertholen 1:12

Yeah, so we PCs here in June of this year to California. So first time here, this is a two year assignment. So really, life has looked so different this year, in particular, because my last out of my three children graduated. So first time empty nester, me we have two dogs, but no, so life just looks different in general, new area, new everything. And really just working on I developed a course for Reiki level one, and really, like stay motivated to help people. This is the season where I get to be more available. So energetically, it's like you get to be a part of making lives change. And that's really what drives me these days is, you know, it's there's so many transformations that I see. And some of them are really just like those small things that make such a big lasting impact. And you just continuing to learn. I am a life learner. I'm fact I have two different courses that I'm working through right now, thanks to Blue Star families actually. And so like always doing something to expand. Like I feel like what gets me going? Yeah,

Jen Amos 2:20

well, first and foremost, congratulations on being an empty nester what an accomplishment. I imagine this is a major adjustment for you to have all this extra time in your hands.

Speaker 1 2:31

Yeah, just a little bit. Well, and especially being in a new area, like trying to meet new people, and like I don't know, if you've been to California, that traffic is insane here. Oh, yeah. This is like a whole different life. We came from the DC area prior to that it was Washington state. So very different vibes everywhere. Yeah. In general, like it's definitely been a beautiful adjustment. I'm

Jen Amos 2:57

actually surprised Hearing you say that you came from DC and like California as an adjustment in regards to traffic because I feel like DC is crazy with traffic too. Right? It is.

Speaker 1 3:05

Luckily we lived outside of DC. So we deal with like the actual DC traffic. But

Jen Amos 3:10

nd then they, you know, drive: 4050

Speaker 1 4:03

Yes. Well, and that's kind of what it feels like. And I feel like it's almost that way with every PCs. I feel like you get the opportunity to really dive into the next level or next version of yourself the next evolution. And this one in particular, it you know, everything really started in Virginia for me, and so be able to like transition here, and then just continue learning and expanding my knowledge. And I'm somebody who loves to educate people. And so I knew that the next step for me would be taking on more of the education behind energy healing clients, and I also my goal is to help them get into that level one, and really have their own ownership over their healing, because I think that that's what makes the true difference.

Jen Amos 4:51

So yeah, well, speaking of educating for people that are hearing about Reiki for the first time, or let's say they have assumptions about Reiki Can you tell us from your experience and your knowledge and expertise? Like what is Reiki?

Speaker 1 5:05

Yeah, so, you know, it's everybody thinks that it's a religion, which it's not. It's actually a spiritual healing practice. It originated in Japan and travelled over this way in the 80s. And essentially, if I could describe it, it would be like having a warm hug it during this session, like for me, channeling the energy you channel it from our so let me just back up. We all have lifeforce energy. So we all carry energy, we all resonate energy, and just, you know, we are all interconnected. And when we're out of alignment, you can feel it, your energy's different, you might have different thought patterns or behaviors. And so what Reiki aims to do is help bring that support imbalance into like our chakra system into our body, so that we can alleviate these diseases that can manifest whenever we're not energetically balanced. And so Reiki to me, like I said, when I experience it, it's like having this golden light just shine right through your body. And it feels like you're just you have this love and support, that it's almost indescribable. And mentioned in many religious texts, as like the healing hands and healing energy. So it's very, they're all very interconnected. And so, you know, anybody that's hesitant, I have worked with people from all different kinds of religious backgrounds that experience the same healing. And it's really beautiful. Yeah,

Jen Amos 6:39

I think that maybe in Western society, we have to see it to believe it in a way. But like, with Reiki with something like Reiki and Eastern medicine, it's, it's, it's more, it's intangible, I feel like and so I imagine a lot of your work is about educating the intrinsic value of doing something like this. It really is.

Speaker 1 7:01

And like, that's the beautiful part. Especially for my clients who are virtual the first time you do a virtual session. It's like mind blowing, because you don't anticipate it to work. I promise you, I was like, skeptical myself. I was like, There's no way like what neck. But it's crazy, because we are so interconnected, that energy is transferable. And so yes, a lot of it is explaining. And that's what I do. Whenever I take on a client, I make sure first that they understand what it is because a lot of people associate it with just feeling at peace and feeling. And while yes, you will feel much lighter, better and overall supported. What happens is, is anything that's been stagnant, or like hidden away, will tend to surface and it's surfacing at the moment that you're ready to healing. But often, it's still scary or still. And so in energy healing sessions, we are supporting the body, but we're also helping change the energy. And what it can do is think about it like this, like when you're so used to doing the same things over and over and over, when you add a new habit in it, like throws you your brain off, right? You think energy when you're used to being in the energy resonance that you're in, when you clear it out, you can kind of feel off balance, because you're like, Whoa, I actually like feel good. And I don't even know what that means to me. So it's a lot about relearning about

Jen Amos 8:31

the self. Yeah. Well, I'm sure that you have personal experience with Reiki. And I imagine that like your your epiphany and your experience, it probably came from something that led to that. And I know that, you know, once upon a time, Candice was not a military spouse. And so tell me a little bit about, you know, your history, really the catalyst that brought you on this journey?

Speaker 1 8:56

Yeah. So prior to meeting my husband, I was actually a single parent for a really, really long time. And I was 19 when I had my first child, and he one by the time I had three, and when I divorced, their father was a big decision. He was young and didn't know what to do and then move back in with family did the whole thing and all the time, I was still so struggling with mental health. And back then they really didn't talk about like, postpartum depression and like, when I go back and visit it, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I had three children. By the time I was 21, that's being pregnant three times, within four years, like, you know, like my hormones are all over the place and covered up I was still young, so hormones are still off the place. So all this, Linton, and I grew up with a family who was very much like we don't talk about it. We just get through it. Such a long time hiding how I felt and like living with this depression and anxiety because you're and you're trying to support three kids and you're barely making it, like, you're just, you know, you want to not give up, but you want things to get better. And so I lived with that for such a long time. And then I met my former late ex spouse who was very abusive, he was very manipulative, very, I mean, domestic violence definitely lived through that it was a very challenging time. You know, it's like having your identity completely stripped away, and then having to reconfigure the pieces later is what I experienced, stay late, because he did take his own life. It was a few years after we got divorced, and he did and his life and was a shock. But it was also like, I knew the pain he was living with. And watching PTSD firsthand, he was a paramedic firefighter for a long time. And watching that it was it was very eye opening, but it was like, I was trying to save him, even though I didn't have the capability yet. So, you know, once I finally got cleared of that situation, it was that moment where and my kids were with my grandmother at the time, when I just hit a very low, I just hit this rock bottom low where it was just like, I just physically cannot take anymore. And I wanted to make life better. And I wanted to do these things. But I didn't quite know how. And one night I just I attempted to take my life and it was a severe like, I mean, I woke up in the hospital with a direct wine to my heart for dial. And I'm like strapped to a bed. I have no idea what's going on. In that moment that I was like, I can't do this. Like I have kids. And like, of course I had the guilt and like, yeah, Yang's and yet I knew that I didn't ever want to be back in that spot. And it was in that moment. Like I stayed at the hospital for a couple of days. And I saw Joyce Meyers book and an order which one it was, I think it was like a daily devotional. But I just saw her book. And then I ended up reading battlefield of the mind which super phenomenal book. She's an amazing author, and speaker and all the things. But it was like there was just this theme around getting better, and like, and God to take care of me. And I like broke down. I spoke to a chaplain there. And I was like, Look, I am like struggling and I just like word vomited. And breathing was going on. Like, oh my gosh, no, no, no, actually very understanding and made me feel at peace with my decision to leave the situation I was in and everything like gave me a lot of comfort, because she had told me I was like, Well, I'm a Christian, and like, I don't believe in divorce and like already been divorced, and like, I just I can't do it again. And she's like, Honey, let me tell you, the moment that he hurt you physically, emotionally, all the things is he broke his commandment. And it was like, the light went off. And I was like, okay, I'm okay, I can do this. And so it was after that I left the hospital got home, and I sat down, I was like, Okay, I want this change, this change, and I'm going to do this. And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. But I'm gonna start praying. And I started praying, I started journaling, and I started writing out affirmations, like a million times, and it was like, I want this change, I'm doing this change, I am this change. And I'm really reinforced that I was doing this. And it took me about like, a couple of weeks to really get re centered, I did seek out counseling and a therapist and like, got things in motion to where I could feel like a human again. And yeah, I spent the next year really working on finding myself. And that was, it was such a challenge. Like I didn't, you know, I didn't know who I was anymore. But it was also and when I look back now, I can see that I might not have ever known who I was because all I had ever identified was was daughter than mother and then wife. And so I really I didn't have that time to develop the self, which is what normal people do in their in their IRA. And so for me, it was just about rebuilding and re understanding who I am. And that's where it led me into my healing journey. Which would take me I mean, I've been working on myself for almost 10 years. So it's been a while. But that's the thing is that people always think that healing is so instant and it's it's you heal one aspect of a situation to find that there's more. And that's the thing that I believe that God gives us is that ability to heal when we're ready in ways that were ready. You know, and that looks different for everyone. Sometimes people can handle like, all the things are like a big bunch. And sometimes it's like, really we're just gonna take this one step At a time, it makes sure that you feel that peace and that that ability to clean out what is no longer serving you. Yeah. That's what led me to everything that I do now. Amazing

Jen Amos: 15:11

what a story. I mean, I was just thinking about like, wow, like young Candice, like had no room for self exploration at all, like, at all, you know, from having your three kids to, you know, being with that partner to, you know, to the point where you attempted to take your life and it really took an event like that for you to do the performative act of journaling every day. And even if you didn't believe in it, you know, like you said, it took you weeks, because, you know, one thing that I've learned about trauma healing is that sometimes you just have to act, the healing practice initially before you start to internalize it. And so for a while, I even think about my own journey. And for a while, it's like, you're just doing the performative act of getting healthier and doing things to take care of yourself. And then one day, it's like, wow, I'm like, I have feelings again, like I'm happy. It's not stem in some kind of trauma. It's not a feeling I can be skeptical of. It's like, it's like a new plant that sprouted. And it's like, it's a new plant that I don't understand. Because it's new and it's healthy. And it's its life. Its purpose. Its its love and but it takes so long to really like I'm thinking about farming right now. And I don't know what you call it, but how they like redo the soil?

Unknown Speaker: 16:28

Yes, yes, yes.

Jen Amos: 16:30

Yeah. I don't know the phrase. Someone's gonna tell us later. Yeah.

: 16:33

What is it? regenerative agriculture? Something? Yeah, exactly. It's

Jen Amos: 16:37

like you add new fertile. Yeah, new, like, you know, fertilizer, it's like, you kind of like have to redo the soil and plant new seeds. And it's like, the act of it is labor intensive. It's exhausting it, you know, from first glance, it's like, how am I going to, like, turn this barren burnt down field into a garden, you're into, like a farm. And so I feel like, that's when I think about your story. I imagine, like, you know, like farming, I imagine, like the seasons changing to the point where, you know, you can you're, you're, you're reaping what you sowed in all those years of like, working on yourself. And now like, there's so much green, there's so much life so much color, and you get to share that with other people. And it smells good, you know, like, like, produce, like, smells good. And just like to it and so that was kind of going through my mind, like hearing your story and how you got to where you are today. And, and I think that whole journey, I can only imagine and based on like, the reviews I've read about you with your clients, like people are like, your clients can feel that energy, they can feel the energy, they can feel like you yourself, have healed as much as you can at this point, because we're always healing. You know, healing is, yeah, it's a verb, it's something that's actively happening, yes, and can always happen, just like exercising, you can't just go to the gym once, and like, boom, you got, you know, you have toned muscles. And so I just love that journey, and where you're at today. So I hope that you, you know, give yourself flowers in a way and, and I hope that you've taken time to, I mean, I know you have, because this is all about self empowerment and awareness and, and all that. But you know, really just recognizing, like where you're at today. And thus, you know, you're doing God's work in a sense, where you're serving those who maybe have gone through a similar path as you or have gone through similar traumas as you, and I'm sure that also plays into your healing experience.

: 18:27

It really does. And like one of the biggest things that I first talk with clients with because most of my clients, so with Reiki, you can either lay your hands on or go over or course virtual, you're just virtual. And because I work with so many trauma patients, I typically will not even place hands, you know, on us, it's like a matter of respect and like trust and and you don't need to in order to heal. And one of the very first things that we talk about and I asked them is what does love mean to you? Have you ever defined it for yourself? Because most of the time we have interpreted loves based on our childhood experiences leading into our adolescence and relationships. And usually it's usually it's those first formative years. Fortunately, parents do the best we can. But because of that we formulate what love looks like from outward perspective. And so it's almost a sense of how can I love myself if I don't know how I identify that for Deanna, that for me, and it kind of puts people in that like back seat where they're like, Well, I have never thought about this before. And you really work on those layers of identifying okay, this is where you're at. Now, let's think about this this way, because a lot of the work is done through the healing but then there's that when things come forward, we discuss and I always recommend Many of the clients that I work with are usually in therapy as well. Right with other therapies. But you know, it's really about defining what that looks like for you. And even me, as a healer, just like storms happen, you know, you can help protect your crop from everything. There are things happen in my life, too. And I'm just better equipped to deal with it now versus before, it doesn't mean that I don't experience moments of like feeling depression or having anxiety. But I do know how to navigate it much easier. I mean, perfect, right. But that's another lesson is even someone that is studied all the things and does all the things can still experience those moments. It's just about being able to move through it. Yeah,

Jen Amos: 20:47

I think it's important to recognize the humanity in us like we're never going to be fully healed, we're never going to be like, we're never going to quote unquote, make it in a way it's, yeah, it's an ongoing journey, because like, once you hit a certain milestone, well, now that may surface other issues, you know, like, I think nowadays, for example, I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I'm planting roots, I'm planting local community. And I'm now at a place where, like, a lot of the work I've done in the recent years have been primarily online. And so it's great because I can just close my laptop, I can call it a day, but like, now that I have like a local community, I have people saying like, Hey, can you come over, or hey, I need help at something. And it's funny, because it's like, for a long time, I've had to, like, redefine what community meant to me. And now that I have it, I'm like, in this new layer of like, oh, like people need me. And it's like, and, and what I'm saying is like, it's like, you know, every time you hit a milestone, there's new opportunities that come up. And that's what I that's what I'm saying about like how, like, we will always be on this, like healing journey. That's gross journey. And I think it's a beautiful thing, because we get to like, I know that you've lived many different lifetimes at this point, you know, it's like, like, we all get to do that in our own way. We all have different seasons, different chapters of our life. And, you know, why not go through that healing process so that we can experience those different versions of ourselves, like, I'm excited to see who I may become 510 20 years from now, it may not be who I am now. And I'm excited for that. And I don't want to hold on to anything like trauma related, that's going to hold me back from discovering who I could be in the future, right.

: 22:22

And there's a way that we can use our experience and like, it's very sensitive to say these kinds of things. So please, anybody listening, just know that I do take this very like to heart and serious, but when we experience really hard moments, and I've been through some pretty intense things, and you know, at the time, I wouldn't apply, you know, been okay to to know that I could use it in the future. But truly, we have the choice to use whatever we've gone through to benefit someone else. Even if it was hard for us in that moment. Think about the life change it can make for someone else, when we're at that point in our healing journey doesn't mean we have to do it today, right? But in the future, when you're ready, when you're called when you know, like you see that person that's like four steps behind you. And you're like, No, you got this, I believe in, like, Let me hold space for you. And that's how we can allow these things to fade into the past with a renewed state of being meaning able to really take whatever that lesson is, and turn it into something else. And that's the only way I feel that we can experience true freedom from our trauma is by first like sitting with the reality of it, which is the hardest, is like the acknowledgement piece. Because a lot of us don't want to revisit or think about it again, it's like, good, but in reality, like the best thing we can do for ourselves is to sit with that feel the emotions and really like, let the feelings feel, and then say, Okay, now what is next? Like, yeah, we're gonna go from here, because it only stays with us if we allow it to in the heaviness of it, as long as we hold on to it in that way. And that's where energy work really comes in to support you as you're navigating forward so that you can experience those things and really clean out the emotional. Well, I'd say what we haven't worked through. It's the things that we haven't worked through, be able to work through those things and then be able to, like finally move forward. Because the best feeling is to be like, Yeah, I've been through like all these crazy things, but like, I don't feel the heaviness of them today that I did 10 years ago, five years ago, you know, I get that choice and that ability to to move forward. Yeah,

Jen Amos: 24:45

I have to ask you why and your personal experience and observation and working with clients. Like, why do we stay stuck? Is it because we don't have the tools we don't have the knowledge where we don't realize we can move forward like What have you come to find out makes us not want to look back, you know, want to look back at those traumas or even, you know, especially work through them.

: 25:06

A lot of it has to do with worthiness. I feel that while depending on what the circumstance was, or what your childhood upbringing was, it really shaped how you feel about yourself. And sometimes we can hold on to those experiences, because it's all we know of ourselves. And it's how we've identified with ourselves, like, Oh, this is just who I am. And the trauma becomes who we are versus us separating and realizing that no, there's just some bad people out there that do really bad things. And we are not that we are this person that is worthy to be in a better state of being. And part of it is, you know, not understanding how the body holds on to experiences. Everything is an imprint in our life, no matter what age we are, and energy resonates. So anytime we have not worked through something, they call it ending the cycle for a reason. Because you cycle through the same circumstances over and over and over again, in your life, it may look different. So let's say I'll just give an example. Let's say that, you know, your parents really didn't allow you to be creative. And so you kind of felt as if your personal power was shut down. So then in your later life, you have this desire, but you end up taking the job that cuts off your creativity, you end up with a partner who cuts off your creativity. So it can look different, but it still presents the same cycle. And so, you know, being able to recognize and identify our cycles is like the very first step, you know, once you're able to go, Oh my gosh, like I do this, I hang out with this person, I've done that. And it like starts making sense. You're like, oh, my gosh, it makes so much sense why I'm the way I am. And that's really what gets us out of that unstuck is being able to sit with ourselves and be like, Okay, I just need to like, analyze as much as I can about myself. You know, there have been many meditations that I've gone into where I just started, like sobbing and I'm like, What is going like, Why am I crying? And it's because I like had an epiphany moment, and I connected a dot. And it was like, the body's way of getting the energy out and saying, Okay, I like pulling through this, I might still have work to do on this, but at least I'm able to be okay with it, and work through it. And that's the other thing is, a lot of times we don't feel secure enough to those things. So they might be too hard to go through it in the moment to revisit a trauma, which is completely understandable. I feel like we come to these places of healing when we are ready and energetically capable. Yeah, that is a thing. Like it's in layers. It happens in layers. Anyway, really being okay with acknowledgment is the biggest thing that I see with clients is once they're okay with acknowledging like, Hey, this is like how I felt in childhood, or how I felt in this circumstance, then we're able to say, Okay, now let's step outside of it. And let's let's like really revisit, did you really know what your parents were going through, like, openly about like life, probably not getting the best version of them. And that might not have been the greatest version, right? Could have been terrible. And that's where it starts is like identifying, acknowledging, and then walking you through.

Jen Amos: 28:38

Yeah, it gets me to reflect on my own healing journey. And when I was able to get to a place where I was, I had like, inner peace and self love, I was able to look at the people who impacted my life and ask myself those questions. Like, were they going through something? Were they experiencing something, and they were and but it took me, you know, looking at myself and creating that self awareness and acknowledgement of my traumas, to, like, have that layer of extra awareness. I feel like for other people who also were going through struggles, and I think that that saying is so true, it goes something like hurt people hurt people. And then also, I think the other side of that is healed people heal people. And I think that's, you know, that's exactly what you do.

: 29:25

Yeah, well, and I think that that's something that is so valuable, I feel like you know, we hit a certain time in our life where when we do reflect back and and especially and I always reference childhood, because it's such a formative time, we've taken our environment from the age of like birth until 4567. Like about, you know, about age five, we really start stepping into who we want to be in this world. And even though we have you know, like, Is that not enough tools to get, you know, we really start stepping in into who we are, and like our formative years really do make such a big impact in our life, whether it was great, not so great or terrible, and it's all situational. And it takes a really strong person to have that level of awareness and self but awareness of others. And you get to a point where you are there to be able to say, You know what, I know that your actions were not okay. But I know that you're a hurting person. So therefore, I can be okay. Yeah. And it's, it's a way of like forgiveness without necessarily forgiveness, you know, something we're comfortable with being like, Yeah, I'm okay with it. It's more of saying, I'm forgiving the situation so that I can heal because you move forward. And you can we can, you know, cut people out of our lives, if we need to, we can do the things and do so in a loving way with respect to where it doesn't cause harm to ourselves, or them. And do that with that balance of knowing like, Yep, I choose to do this for me. Yeah,

Jen Amos: 31:05

I think the hardest thing and I think about my, my own journey, and like, just like you said, learning to, I'm gonna say distance, distance myself from certain people, like, you know, love them, forgive them and create that space, create that distance. And I have found that there's nothing more healing than, at least for me to get to that place where it's like, okay, if I continue to be exposed to this, the cycle is going to continue. And I think the best way to love all of us is to like step out of that situation, and, you know, focus on healing for myself, because I it's not my responsibility to to heal other people, it's my responsibility to heal myself, you know, and so yeah, I just I just having this conversation, at least for me, I feel like I'm having like a therapy session here. It feels very, it was very affirming is what everything is carrying. And, you know, knowing your story, knowing your journey, it reassures even my myself and like where I'm at today, and I hope that our listeners, they, they feel the same way. Hopefully, if you've been through a very, you know, a series of traumatic experiences, or even just one, whatever it is traumas, trauma, if you've gone through that journey of self awareness, like acknowledgement, forgiveness, and whatever you need to do to get to a place of forgiving the other person, or other, you know, maybe it's a community of people or whatever the case and being able to live in the present, and hopefully, find the blessings in that so that you could be a blessing to others. Like often I like to say that it's a blessing to be a blessing. It

: 32:35

is it really is into you know, we are so fortunate that we have life. And that is something that you know, going just back to the very basics of like our essence, you're such divine beings, if if we you know, when we pray, when we do these things that connect us with a higher source, however you choose to label, you know that you're meant for mourn, you know, that your loved, even if you might not feel it in the moment, it's like you know, that you are and being able to come to that place of understanding and remembering that you are an incredible person that has such amazing energy potential, all the things it's a great feeling. It's a great I know that they're, you know, even though we have all these things going on in the world, and it can get us down, like think about if every single person saw how great they were, and loved who they are, how different this world would be. Yeah, like because how can you hate others if you love yourself, and, like, that's why I think that's why I'm I'm on this mission this year to teach as many people as I can, how to understand their energy, how to heal their energy, and to really tap back into our higher power, like we we are supported in everything that we do. And I know this to be true, because I There have been so many times in life where I like, didn't know how it was gonna work out, but I knew it was going to work out and like once we know that we can make such a bigger impact in this world. And even in our community, our families, like having those open conversations with our kids about how they're feeling, you know, they're this transition of, you know, post COVID, which has affected so many people, so many children, just everyone, we really need this next level of healing, to be able to have a more foundational life, you know, have a better firmer foundation and what we know to be true about life to know that there's so much more and time is so valuable that you never know you never know maybe your last day or your friend's last day so why not live it in an experience that you want to be in?

Jen Amos: 34:55

Yeah, well, amen to that. I am Curious to know, you said you've been working on yourself for the last decade. I'm curious to know about your kids. I mean, I know they're all adult kids at this point, you know, you're an empty nester, in your perspective, how have they reacted to your change, because I imagine that from being in your young 20s, to where you're at now, they must have witnessed different versions of yourself throughout those years. Exactly.

: 35:22

And, you know, that is one of the things that I love about the connection that I have with my kids is that, you know, we've finally gotten to a place where we can have those real conversations, because, you know, they also lost their father. So my two prior spouses have both passed away. My kids father passed away three years ago. And so, you know, they were all in their late teens or already graduated high school. So it was like a time where we could come together as a family to really talk about grief. And it's different for everyone a depression, because I noticed that, you know, one of my children was going through really bad depression during COVID. And it was really getting to him. And I was like, Okay, we have to do something, we have to be proactive with this. And so I feel that they have seen the changes, and they love the version of me now, not that they didn't love me before, but they can tell I care about myself, you know, they see me making healthy choices. I, you know, I exercise, I eat healthy drink the water. And the meditation, it was funny the first time that I did an energy healing session for my son, because he absolutely was like, whatever this is, you know. And then he was like, he fell asleep. That can happen. And so he was, but he felt it. And he was like, oh, different. Like, I didn't really, I thought you just I see clients come in, and I just assume that whatever, you know, placebo effect, and I was like, Yep, it's real. It works. And so, you know, they've really gotten the better version of me now. Yeah, I I'm feel sad sometimes when I think back to like, all the things that I wish I could have done better as a parent, and I've had to give myself a lot of forgiveness for not being like what I would feel today, like the parent I would be today. And we've had a lot of talks about that. And they, you know, getting allowing them to share openly about their struggles that they had during meetings. And, you know, we've been, I've been a huge advocate for therapy for all of that. Because I feel like therapy is for everyone, like, like, we all need it. And being able to support them in the ways that I wasn't supported in my mental health journey has been very valuable. And like, they're all doing really well right now. Like, I love them. They actually all move back to Texas. So we I grew up in Texas, and it's, it's amazing, because especially my son, he kept in touch with so many people from his like childhood, to Washington to Virginia. And so like when he moved back to Texas, he like, had this network of friends and, you know, felt like he was lively again, because, you know, COVID she being at home all the time, and he spent most of his high school career at home, you know, so, wow, well, because they Washington state, they, it's 10th grade is when you go to high school, so he was like, just about to get there and then COVID happen. So my

Jen Amos: 38:27

goodness, yeah, my heart goes out to all the students who, you know, missed out on their prom or missed out on their first or second year of college. Like, I can only imagine what that experience was like, because I think about how impressionable I was in high school and in college because of the social interactions I had. And to do that at home, you know, like it's, I can only imagine. So I think it's, it sounds like it was such a healing healing experience for you and your kids to like, have talked about these things? Yeah,

: 39:01

well, and there's a lot of scientific support that shows that we need that interaction with others, there's actually a course that I'm taking in, it's called The Science of Happiness is amazing. I love it. And in it talks about how, you know, we value others most of the time over ourselves, but even done the studies where they give someone $5 And they say either spend it on yourself or go give it to someone else. When increases our internal happiness is actually when we do things for others, you know, or being on the metro and having a conversation with a random stranger actually increases our happiness as much as introverts like I'm an extroverted introvert. So as much as that can be intimidating. It actually boosts your happiness, their happiness. And so we are we are built to be around people. So I, you know, that's one of the biggest things when I worked at the yoga studio in Virginia, and one of the initiatives I wanted for this year We were in pre sales. So we're quite open until the very end of us being there. But, you know, I wanted us to be in the school. So I wanted us to share that impact, because it's a tool that these kids can use to bring themselves back, you know, when they're happy, just moment, they have something to bring themselves back. And so, you know, being able to really help support this next generation is one of my huge big goals, because I've seen it firsthand. And so yeah, I'm definitely but to get back, it was definitely a healing experience for us all, I think that, you know, I've, even when it's hard to hear the things, it's much better to acknowledge them, and to work through them versus just act like they're not there. And that was one of the biggest things that I always advocated for my kids is that you can tell me exactly how you feel like, like, please, not a perfect human and, like, we need to talk through these things. And, you know, being that I, you know, suffered from mental health. So early on, I was like, eight, nine, and I started showing signs of depression. So he went unnoticed for so long that I never wanted that for my kids, if I ever noticed the signs of like, you know, them not being present, or, you know, sleeping a lot or wanting to be on like a device all the time, all these different things that can indicate there is some form of disassociation, depression, something going on? Yeah, it'd be really aware of that. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 41:36

Wow. Well, what a what a discussion of, you know, self healing, self discovery, and, you know, having that open dialogue with your kids, I think that's so admirable I, you know, I think about even my own family, and how, I wouldn't say stoicism was a virtue, but like, it just wasn't part of our family dynamic to talk about feelings, you know, and I'm trying to say this in a very objective way, and I'm not trying to judge them, like I'm very, I am as healed as I can be, when it comes to my relationship with them. I'm just recognizing the things that I needed. And I had to learn later in life, how to give that to myself, you know, rather than hold, like, allow someone else to, like, hold that power, or expect that from people who are not equipped to provide it, you know, for whatever reason, it's more about having that self awareness of like, this is what I need, like, how do I give that to myself? What other resources can I turn to, to help me and so, you know, I think just just, this is such a beautiful discussion of taking care of ourselves, like focusing on us after, you know, for some people after years of maybe almost a lifetime of traumatic experiences. And, you know, and for you to finally get to that point where like, oh, wow, I get to do this thing, where I get to know myself now, like, like, who's Candice, and to see where you're at is amazing. Well,

: 43:01

and here's the thing, too, is like, we grow up so conditioned for not only conditioned by our family, we're conditioned by society, and then there's, like, you know, just layers of that even and so most of us don't have a very strong personal identity. Do we really start to develop this probably more so late 20s 30s 40s, you know, maybe even young, longer. But we finally start to like, pause and recognize, like, do I know myself? Do I know what my needs are? Do I? Do I care about myself, you know? Or, like, Why do I keep doing these things that I know are not going to bring me joy? And so comes that that next phase of our own evolution of like, okay, now that I've lived my life for everyone else, how do I actually

Jen Amos: 43:50

live it for me? Yes, that's a million dollar question for some people who, finally who are so fortunate to arrive to that place. So how do I live for me now? Well, awesome. Well, Candace, I want to shift gears here. If that's okay with you, I feel like we've talked extensively about your work and what you know, you know, your love for what you too, and it really shows and, and I'm just, you know, I think it's so meaningful that you've taken all of that all of your experiences and channeled it into the work that you do today. And so, that being said, I know that you're a recent graduate of the services co program with the Rosie network. You know, it's one thing for us to obviously talk about this and it's another thing to, like, build a sustainable business structure to make this possible. So tell me about that experience of being a business owner and, and for you know, with Reiki like being a business owner, Reiki expert,

: 44:48

so, business is always crazy. I mean, this thing you say that, like entrepreneurs are crazy in the mind anyway, like we have the ability to do 27,000 Things still have dinner on the table, sometimes know that it's like so first the services CEO, I cannot recommend that program like any bigger than I can scream it because, you know, it's one thing to have your business and like, even though my background is working with small businesses, so I've been managing and doing all the things for small businesses for years, I still when it came to practice with my own, I was still treating it almost like a hobby, I didn't have a vision, like, what's my long term vision for this business? What's my long term goal? Like, where am I heading, I was only in the present, which you do want to be present, of course, but like you do also want that structure that okay, like, if I can get to this point, then I can open like, my long term goal is to open up a holistic wellness facility, well can come in and have you know, yoga, chiropractic care, meditation, all these different things, and really form it around the education and then have like the still the stillness of it. But if I hadn't really sat down to do that work, I wouldn't have came to that outcome. Like, inside of me, like I've set it for the last year, like, Oh, this is what I want to do when my husband retires. Because obviously, I don't want a stationary place until we're stationary. But like going through the program, I was able to identify these holes that I had. And it was like, Well, I've never really thought of even having investors, I've never really thought of, you know, what is my brand like, I just get on there and talk like No, and I still outlining, like the brand stuff. But you know, for me, it really gave me the path of here's where I can go and and the network. So big on networking anyway, especially like being in the field that I've been in for so long, like networking is truly beneficial. Your network is your network, it's like you never know who might know someone or who might have gone through this experience and who can mentor you in so having that network and knowing that you're not alone in it, because entrepreneurship is hard. i There's no way to sugarcoat that, like you are trying to do all the things and most of the time working a job. And so that's where it just becomes that that need for balance. And that service to CEO gave me, you know, a whole group of connections with people that were actually very similar interests, like a lot of us were in the health field, one facet or you know, and so it was really great to get to meet others that are in that journey. And then to get to really push yourself to do the things because it's not like a super easy program like you're having to work in. But it will take that back. It depends on how much work you put in already. If you've laid the foundation, you probably breeze through it. But for me, I was like, Oh, I don't even have like, my my motto or my you know, anything sayings going? So yeah, it was a great challenge. And it was really interesting to discover another layer of my business that didn't even know existed.

Jen Amos: 48:20

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's like very fascinating, you know, your background in managing other businesses to you know, now running your own. And it's like the difference between like teaching something versus practicing something. And it's like, well, this is like two different specialties. Yep. Well, that I love that. And my husband and I have really appreciated the the rose network throughout the years. And it's just so great that they continue to have the services SEO program. So I'm so glad that it was, you know, very helpful for you and your business and, and in everything. So, yeah, well, you know, Candace, I feel like I asked you everything I wanted to ask, I'm curious if there's anything I'm missing that you feel like I should be asking you before we start wrapping up here? No,

: 49:05

I mean, I know that beforehand, we were talking about change. And we talk about this a lot, especially right now in this season of the year, because change is something that it stretches us. And it really makes us like have to rethink things. And it takes a lot of effort. And that's why you know, things fall off after like a couple of weeks. And really, if you can focus on first identifying the change that you want, like your intuition will be screaming at you saying you need to change this, if you just change this, things will get better or this could you know, opportunities come up when we change or something. It doesn't have to be a dramatic life change like we were talking about. It can just be something that you just know would make you feel better. And yet the way that our chemistry is like our brain is built for autonomy. So it does not like change, and like, save the likes to predict. And so when you get to a place where you like, No, you want to make the change. It's just about, like you said earlier that continual action and knowing, like the reason not only why you want the change, but what is telling you inside that this change would do for you. You know, it's great to know why we want something. But when we have that deeper understanding of like, no, I really want this because I know that by doing this, this will make me feel this way. It helps it become when I say easier, it's just easier to identify the steps forward, and then you just, and then not giving up too soon. Like, that's one of the things and so I've been in, I've worked for three different gyms in my career. And, you know, seeing people come in at the beginning of the year, it's always so exciting. Yeah, but what we always strive to do was to encourage them to continue coming in, like on the face like Friday, easiest time to dim, their little insider tip, but like to encourage people to continue going, especially because it takes so long to see results from anything you do. It isn't the air, if it's business, physical, emotional, whatever, it just takes time. And when we're in, and we understand that the deeper level of what why we why we're doing this, it makes it you just continue to do it, it makes it easier for you to get there. And he's like, even when you feel like giving up and you're like, Okay, I've gone to the gym like 18 times this month, and I haven't seen anything move. It's moving, I promise to keep going just keep doing the things like there is a something about proximity as well. So proximity and availability. So if you are like let's say you have your your shoes are laid out at the end of your bed, because you know that you're going to go running in the morning. Because in proximity, you can see it, you're more than likely going to take the action. So anything you can do, whether it's having things on your counter that are more healthy, they've actually proven in science that that will help you maintain that healthy habit versus having a bunch of like junk food out where you can see it where you're like, oh, yeah, just grab that. But proximity matters. So doing these little things that will keep you motivated, like put your journal by your bed, if you know that you want to journal before the end of the day, or at the beginning of the day, having those visual reminders will also help you continue that change.

Jen Amos: 52:42

Yeah, I feel like we can have a whole other conversation about setting yourself up for success. You know, like have, like you said, having those visual reminders. And, you know, for me, I have my gym bag like next to my bed because it's literally the first thing my husband and I do every morning we go to the gym, it's just part of our morning routine. And you're talking about the gym, because just this morning, a friend said to me, like I've been going to this gym for like almost two years now. I have learned to like fall in love with the mundane task of just showing up. And I've learned I've learned to like not go hard every time I'm at the gym. I'm not I'm always like, I don't always go intense. Even today, I did like a lighter weight. We were doing snatches. And they're like, Oh, do it light. And it's funny because everyone else like did a little heavier. And I was like I thought we're doing light light. Like it was like so I did it. But anyway, at the end, at the end of class, I was just kind of walking around and my friend was like, wow, Jen, like your, your muscles are starting to show like you I could tell you've been working on yourself. And I was all like, you know, I see myself every day. And I've I've kind of just like, I don't, I don't care to look in the mirror, mirror and weigh myself every day. I've just learned to, to love the process. Love the journey. And so, when someone makes a comment like that, it's like, Oh, thanks. Like, I didn't even notice because I'm just like living it. And I think that's kind of like, you know, like a like a tip. Also in setting yourself up for success is like enjoying the journey like falling in love it the journey and the act of like, I think I've kind of learned that it's, it's not really about a destination, it's more about a lifestyle choice. Like I choose to, like if I know that part of my lifestyle is exercise, then I gotta learn to pace myself I got to learn to like not go intense every workout I can scale down. You know, I could just take a break and stretch on the side but I'm still in the gym, you know. So just like little things like that, I think can go a long way. And so I just had to share that because you're talking about your, your gym experience.

: 54:43

I love it well, and that's the thing is like sometimes people just need to hear it in that moment. Like just to keep going. And that makes such a huge difference. And I think if we could also and this is a whole other topic too. But if we could normalize that going to the gym eating healthy does doesn't have to look so intense like, ie, walking on the treadmill. It can be having a healthier side versus like chips, inhale, like these little things that make a big impact on our mental wellness while we're doing these things as a whole other conversation that I could definitely have like, seeing the industry for so long, like it's changed a lot, which is good. But definitely, it's part of my heart and soul to Yeah. Alright,

Jen Amos: 55:28

so part two for next season. Awesome. Well, Candace, I'm so thankful for our conversation today. Thank you so much for your time. Any final closing thoughts you want to share? Before we wrap up?

: 55:42

Yeah, the biggest thing is, and my favorite quote is, it's never too late to be what you might have been. And that goes for your emotional, spiritual, physical well being no matter where you're at in life right now. It like you were saying, it's not the final destination. And even though it can sometimes feel as if it is, it's really, really not, and it sometimes it does take that remembering that you are worthy, but you are worthy. And then anything that you're trying to get there. You can get through it because you are supported. Yeah,

Jen Amos: 56:19

don't get Mic drop. All right. We're gonna stop there before I keep talking. So Candace, thank you so much for your time. And thank you for joining us here on hold on the forts. Well, thank

Unknown Speaker: 56:27

you for having me. Wonderful.